Are we right for eachother, Or am I wrong for trying?

Question

I am in a relationship with a girl I love very much. We are both young with a slightly large age difference. Me 16 Her 14. What really bothers me though is I start a lot of arguments. She has a hard time showing that she has feelings for me, even though I know she does. When she seems like she would rather be somewhere else without me, I am easily hurt by it. Everything she does without me makes me sad, and everyone she's with I'm jealous of. I bring this up to her a lot and I just make her feel bad. Last night she nearly broke up with me because she felt like she wasn't making me happy enough. I really love her and I want to stay with her forever because she does make me really happy. I just keep making her feel like she's not giving me the attention I want. Do I need to start acting better to her, or is this just never going to work out?

Answer 1

you are 16. she is 14. you are BOTH children.

Answer 2

OK I'm turning 16 next wed. and my boyfriend is turning 19 three days after me. It's not your fault. Relationships with age differences like this have trouble. We do all the time but we manage to get through it. You say you love her more than anything and she has feelings for you but has a hard time showing it...she's only 14 it's kinda hard for someone so young to express how they feel(I know I've been there). But when she wants to be somewhere without you..that should hurt your feelings. You want to be with her ever second but she may want to be with some of her friends or (not trying to be mean but she may have another man on the side) Ask her about it and if she loves you then she won't lie to you about it! Jealousy is very normal. Me and my guy get jealous so much, and it causes us to argue a lot then we should. We both concluded to stop talking to our opposite sex friends because we would get SO jealous and we almost lost our relationship. Tell her you love her but don't want to loose her to anyone else. She should understand! She might feel the same way but just could not tell you in words. Remember she still a little young..it's going to take patience. It will all work out in the long run! Good luck man!

Answer 3

Unless you change your attitude this will never work out. The girlfiend does have a life without you as well as with you. She has her own friends and should be expected to spend time with them. You are smothering her with this behavior. She probably does feel that she isnt doing enough in the relationship to make you happy... so why try is probably her attitude. Nobody likes criticism all the time. You should be thankful for what time you two do share. If she does have feelings for you.. she will let you know in her own way.. but until then.. back off unless you want to lose her. You mentioned that she "seems" like she would rather be somewhere else without you... is that conjured up in your mind or does she actually say this to you? Please dont read between the lines too much. Communicate with her and give her some space. You do not own her, neither does she own you. Maybe you should not expect so much attention... she may suprise you with attention that she feels like giving instead of her feeling like she has to smother you back in order to make you happy. We all want to find the love of our life. We thrive to be happy. She is giving you that now... but is the difference between you worth the hurt you cause on yourself? Give it all some thought. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

In a way, yes. It sounds like you just need to work on letting her spend time with other people without you. If you are the source of most of the arguments of course she is going to want to be some where else. No one wants to always feel like they always have to prove their love, and they really don't at 14. You also said yourself that you know that she has feelings for you. If this is true you should not press the issue so much. As for her not being able to show her feelings she is 14 and you are 16, you both are still learning how to express your feelings.( I am 27 and I still need help from time to time.) You just need to back off a bit and you yourself spend time with friends without her so that you both can miss each other a little bit. Don't give up so quick.

Answer 5

You are not right for each other, because in the next 10 years, who you are will change, a ton. You have no idea of what love or a real relationship is like, and all you are doing right now is harming yourselves. You think you love her and want to be with her forever. I thought that at 16 too and I had only started to see what love is actually like. My amount of knowledge was equivalent to an iceberg though. I saw the little bit at the surface, and not everything else that I couldn't see.
You need to focus on school. Love and relationships will happen after you find out who you are and what you want to do in life.

Answer 6

You need to feel better about the relationship. If she's not able to show you attention in a way that makes you feel special and wanted, no amount of better acting on your part is going to help. You are just going to pretend that you're happy until it eventually comes back. Now I'm not saying that its your fault or hers. It could be you being unable to feel secure, which sounds like its the case. Maybe she really is distant. But it really doesn't who's fault it is. But she has the right idea. If you aren't happy, the relationship isn't worth keeping.

Answer 7

First off, if you have to ask do you need to start acting better to her, the answer is yes. Second, two years is not a big age difference, but, yes you both are still young. It's going to take a lot of time and patience on your part.

Bad news, it doesn't get any better or easier. Trust me one this one, I feel a lot like you do sometimes. I am just starting to date again, and I haven't done that for over 20 years. It took some time to think about dating because I was not divorced but widowed. But, yes, I am seeing someone who runs hot and cold and can't make up her mind; but she has been divorced twice and has some trust issues.

But, yes, try not to start arguments; and pay some attention to her; and ask about her dreams, thoughts, plans, and ask her about herself. Let her know you are interested in her.

Answer 8

Oh, hun. I feel that way about things in my relationship, too, sometimes & I'm quite a bit older than you! Take heart, you can work through this. Yes, I think it's important for you to learn to communicate how you feel in a more positive way. That will make her feel much better. The other thing that's important is that you also start developing yourself. Find other activities, things that interest you, etc. and learn to do them without her, maybe with another set of friends. It's really important that you do this - it's simple, but not easy, I know.

If you can start to involve yourself with other things for YOU, you'll feel much more confident, and will have so much more to share with her when you see her next! If you focus on you, you'll automatically take some of the pressure off of her, see? You'll also give her the space she needs to miss you too, & that will really make her feel good about you & your relationship

You seem like a really sweet young man who cares about his girlfriend deeply. I wish you all the best. Stay well!

Answer 9

Ok im in the same boat with u im in a relationship with an 28 year old and im 19, u just have to trust them and understand what they are goin through. You always have to talk and communicate between the both of you. As long as you both can sit down and talk everything out and get both of ya'll points across without starting an argument then ya'll should be ok, but if it's hard to talk to each other then ya'll should start thinking about seeing other people.

Answer 10

She's acting the way she is for a couple reasons; first of all because you are both too young to be in a serious & permanent relationship and secondly because you are too jealous and controlling. If she has to worry about what you may think every time she's away from you, how can she possibly be happy?? I suggest you break it off with her and do your very best to remain friends. In the future, I would suggest you not get seriously involved with anyone until you are ready to deal with your control & jealousy issues in a healthy manner.

Answer 11

Okay listen very close to what I am going to tell you less you blows this with your one true love. If you know in your hart that she like you don't pressure her give her time. Be her romeo.
She is only 14 give her time to warm up to you and she will in time. Try just being the best of friend first when you are older and she's older like 18 then you can start thinking more seriously about where you want this to go.
But for now be her best friend if she wants to do something with out you don't be jealous. You can still let her know how you feel but take it slow you may just end up running her away. Remember she is still a girl you your heart bounds like bongo dumb when you are around her, sore like and eagle through the sky. So give her time to catch up to you.
I know you want her for every time she touches you it is like fire shut up in your bone you feel the heart of passion course through your body like fire.
Well good luck my dear young friend I was you once a very long time ago don't blow it , like I did
Be kind but never ever let her go. do smother her but be a constant friend until she can show you her heart.
I wish you well son I hope when you are older that it all has work out for you give it time and I am sure it will.