Do I tell my roommate that his good friend slept with the girl he has a crush on?

Question

Ok, so "john" who is my roommate and friend has a crush on this girl "cindy". she teases him cause she knows about the crush but always says she's not interested in him, but she milks it a lot cause she knows how john feels for her. So I recently found out that one of john's best friends slept with this girl cindy. I know this for a fact, it's not gossip. but should I tell my roommate that his friend is doing it with his crush? by the way, my roommate's friend who slept with his crush knows that he has a crush on cindy, but he still slept with her. to me that's betrayal...should I tell my roommate about this hookup or is it none of my business? my roommate is very important to me and I would never want to see him hurt, but shouldn't he know the kinds of friends he has?

Answer 1

Nope, my sister did that and lost her best friend she had for years. Just step back and let the cards fall as they may.


dp

Answer 2

First of all, this is never a good idea.

Think the situation all the way through.

You tell your friend "John" the story. Your friend then calls the "best friend" and has a fit. John has now lost one of his best friends. Over a girl who is not interested in "John". Whom "John" is not dating. You are violating the privacy of "John's" friend, and "Cindy." Unless it's a life or death situation, such as "John! Cindy said she hired a hit man to kill you! Watch out!", it's really none of your business. And I'm fairly certain that "John" wont' thank you for the information either. Who thanks the person who lets them know they are being fooled and betrayed? It will compromise your friendship.

Also, you stated that this guy slept with Cindy. That it's a "fact". It sounds like this is not an affair, this is a one time thing. If it's true. I'm assuming the way you know it's a fact is that you witnessed the sexual act? Because otherwise, it's hearsay. And again, none of your concern.

And this can't be stated enough: CINDY IS NOT INTERESTED IN JOHN. She is free to have a relationship with whomever she wants. And this friend of John's, while being a bit insensitive to his friend, certainly isn't throwing it in John's face. He may even regret it.

Either way, keep out of it. And if John finds out eventually, pretend ignorance, listen to him rant about women, and be his friend.

Answer 3

I know most answers say you should stay out of it. But that's because they're not going through this. Tell him. I can't believe Cindy knows and is teasing him. That's so wrong. The quicker you tell him, the quicker he'll get over her. And think about it, if his friend does this to him, think about what he'll do next or what he's already done to him behind his back. I'm sure this isn't an isolated incident. He needs to get away from this guy. He's not a friend. Be a true friend.

Answer 4

1. thats not betrayal because cindy has no intention of getting down with john...
2. tell john but give his friend time to tell john himself

it will be good for john to know and move on because he is just going to linger around cincy who seems very manipulative

it will hurt him at first but in the long run nothing could be more productive...he has no future with cindy so the earlier he realizes this the earlier he can move on

Answer 5

What's the harm. Cindy is just Johns crush, he is not in a relationship with her so it's none of his business who she's sleeping with. If John insists on forever being a crush then after she sleeps with this friend, she will sleep with another.

Tell John to man up and tell her how he feels... oh yeah, you have no business getting involved in this, and you will end up the villain.

Answer 6

Tell him for sure that way he can see this chick and his friend for what they are...users!! I hate girls that play on mens emotions to get things it drives me crazy!! As a woman I believe in being honest and never giving mixed signals if I know someone has a crush on me but I dont return the feelings I just come right out and say it so they can move on and thats exactly what you need to help your roomate do. Once you tell him they slept together he will surely realize that she has been falsely leading him on by every once in a while giving him hope that maybe just maybe she will hook up with him. I say TELL HIM THE TRUTH!!! he might be angry at first but it is better to know than wonder.....

Answer 7

Talk about a complicated situation. It's a tough place to be because you care about "John" but it's really not your place to say something right now. I think I would talk to his so-called friends who betrayed him and suggest that they come clean to John. It's the right thing to do. Nobody likes to be the buzz killer but if the other parties involved don't come clean I would tell him myself. He'll be mad and broken hearted but think of how he'll feel when he finds out maybe months from now that this happened and you knew about it the whole time and never tried to help him. The way I see it that's also betrayal. But that's just my opinion. Hope things work out.

Answer 8

I had a friend like that. He always went out with Young ladies I was no longer dating until one day he moved up to asking a woman I was seeing while we were still together. She told me and that was the last time I talked to him. He married that same women two years after she and I stopped seeing each other.

Try talking to your roommates friend and tell him what he did is wrong to treat a friend that way and tell him he better tell his friend or you will.

Answer 9

If I were you I would not say anything. Your friend may think you are tring to start something that you are not. there comes a time in every ones life when they will be rejected or hurt by a member of the opposite sex. sometimes love hurts, I expect he will get over it.

Answer 10

I didn't even read what you had to say other than the title, but seriuosly... Stay out of it. You are what's known as a "game killer".