Her mind is totally on having a boyfriend. I've had the mother/daughter talk, but it obviously didn't work. She seems obsessed with boys. How can I persuade her to find out who she is and what she want to become in life without keeping her locked up in her room until she turns 18? Are there any books or magazines out there she could read that may help her? She plays basketball and cheers. Any other sports that may help?
2006-07-06 08:33:02 · 18 answers · asked by chhuff2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As a 14 year old, I know what it's like. The fact is, no matter what you do, you can't stop your daughter from liking boys. I have to say that the worst thing to do is to tell your daughter that she is not allowed to date. Dating is a very important part of a girl's life, and the fact is, life lessons are learned from it. Girl's have to learn that not all guys are what they seem. What you can do is be totally open to her about your own dating experiences when you were a child. If you open up to her, she will open up to you.
Every day you should ask your daughter to explain one thing that she learned during the course of the day. My mother and I do this, and I think it's helped me a lot in learning about what I want to be. Ask her how her day went, and tell her how your day was. By reflecting on her day, she can learn lessons that can help her in the future.
One last idea is to let her invite her guy friends over. Let her have a few guys and girls over, and meet them; chances are, they are nice boys, and you'll learn to like them as much as her girl friends. If your daughter is allowed to be with boys after school hours, she will learn that guys make great friends, not just boy friends.
I hope this helps, good luck!!
2006-07-06 09:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a 11 year old daughter and she is into boys already too, even though her older brothers really don't seam to be interested in girls yet. A lot of it is school girl crushes, and unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. If you LOCK HER UP, in a matter of speaking, she may grow to resent you and you don't want to do that. Make sure you talk to her, and be there if she needs you and has questions. If you trust her, she will return the trust, and when you can't be there she will remember what you told her. Plus she is 10 and a lot of the boys her age are not into girls yet, and most of the older boys will still think of her as a kid right now.
2006-07-06 09:23:22 · answer #2 · answered by JAAT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a boyfriend at 10, means nothing more usually than you are liked. It's not like they are gonna be going anywhere together. It just makes the girl feel more popular and shows her friends that boys like her. Boys at 10 are not really into girls either. At least the majority of boys and girls are not. They are merely exploring the relationship aspects of life that they see in older people. As long as you keep the lines of communication open and let your daughter know you are always there for her, you have to give her some room to grow as her own person. If she doesn't feel like she needs to keep things from you, she should be ok.
2006-07-06 11:09:12 · answer #3 · answered by Crystol R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is just going through a stage that is common among preteenage and teenage girls. Let her know what you think, but don't heavily enforce your ideals on her. They could cause her to rebel for her individuality.
Also, giving her more after school activities and summer camps can distract her mind off of the subject of boys. She may just be bored and needs more activities to do. I suggest trying tennis, as it brings both teams and the individual player together. Or volleyball is a good option.
I recommend, as fun reading, many of the Meg Cabot books, where the main characters are girls that find themselves as the story progresses. Other authors I recommend are Garth Nix, for interesting Fantasy, and the Nancy Drew books. Good luck and may she grow out of this phase soon!
2006-07-06 08:52:09 · answer #4 · answered by suedegirl91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her play some soccer or dance, then she will be around girls a lot. Just tell her i'm okay if you like boys, but make sure you don't get serious, i don't really want you to have a boyfriend yet. She will feel good knowing her mom respects that she's into boys but doesn't want her to get into anything big. When shes older she'll know you were doing it to protect her. Don't be too harsh.
2006-07-06 08:38:52 · answer #5 · answered by CaliforniaLove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your problem, but in searching for an answer to how to keep her away from boys, you'll just make the matter worse. At her age it is natural for her to find an obsession with the other gender despite your mother/daughter talk. She's curious and at her age, who isn't? My daughter went through the same thing, and what it took to turn her away from the boy obsession was having her heart broken, so to speak. Though we try to keep our children from being hurt, there is one lesson in life that holds true. We must learn for ourselves! If you really would like to find a sport that can help her to define herself, try yoga. She will learn to meditate and find her inner peace. (though yoga will not turn her away from the boys) If you try to keep her away from boys now, you'll just regret it later because she will not have developed the social skills to deal with them. Just leave it be, and once she endures the heartache of a puppylove crush, she'll be more hesitant to get close to another boy. Good luck!
2006-07-06 08:51:57 · answer #6 · answered by tamtoni2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel the best is probably to stop worrying about that... because it is only going to focus her on the favorite subject. She probably is trying to demonstrate she is "all grown up" - of course that is not true, but that is what she wants to be.
Also, her friends may be pulling her toward "too big for her" activities. Try to avoid spending time together going shopping - bake cakes, go for a bike ride, and plan to get together with friends with YOUNGER kids. She may actually figure out she loves still playing dolls, and going on scavenger hunts, walking in the forest and learning about the world.
You may want to consider a camp, on a subject that would interest her - not BOYS, but rather Theatre perhaps? she may find it fascinating...
2006-07-06 08:40:06 · answer #7 · answered by OneLilithHidesAnother 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U can't really stop her 4rm thinking bout guys.. Once ur daughter starts dating she's going to realize that its a serious thing. Just give her time n she'll understand more n get wiser as she grows up its hard but possible
2006-07-06 08:37:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10? , 10?? Obsessessed??? SPORTS WON'T HELP!
I'm afraid you could be a grandma before she gets out of Jr Hi
Get informed ...Read ,and especially the counsel found in the Bible. It's timeless,
up-to-date, benefical ...
( Your concern for your daughter is echoed in God's words )
2006-07-06 08:49:57 · answer #9 · answered by Merry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is just "going along with the crowd".
My fear is your daughter may be the one that "buys into" what her friends are saying, but not actually doing, and do it, because she believes them.
I was not allowed to date until I was 16.
Best thing to me, would be to set FIRM limits and a clear understanding on WHAT a boyfriend is at her age.
For instance...
Yes to holding hands, NO to kissing...a 3 foot rule between her and her boyfriend...etc.
Best of luck!
2006-07-06 08:55:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋