I need a good CLEAN joke?

Question

Best one gets ten points!

Answer 1

Why did God make only 1 Yogi Bear?
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Because when He tried again He made a Boo Boo!

Answer 2

okay here goes...............
Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman. The employee said, "If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you." The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle. Harold says, "This small thing, a watch dog? You're kidding, right?" The employee says, "No, this dog is special; he knows karate." "Karate? I don't believe it," Harold says. The employee puts the dog down and says, "Karate the sign." And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this. The employee then says, "Karate the chair." And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced. "I'll take him," he says. When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out, "This little thing, a watch dog? No way." Harold says, "But this dog knows karate." "Karate," she yells. "Karate my ***!" ...

one more.........
A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"

Answer 3

Good for one liners.


MY PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING!


I don't do windows because ...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because ...
I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible
( plus they may sue me.)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because ...
They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because ...
I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't Spring Clean because ..
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous

I don't pull weeds in the garden because ..
I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!

I don't put things away because ...
My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ..
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don't iron because ...
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

I don't stress much on anything because...
"A" type personalities die young, and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!

Answer 4

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."

Answer 5

okay here goes.... A german submarine was sinking and sent a messsage to the closest ship which was also german. The man said Can you hear me may day may day we are sinking but because of his German accent it sounded like we are thinking. So the reciver kept on asking what are you thinking? Get it well for a visual follow my link it is ver funny! click on one of the berlitz _ jr. clips

Answer 6

hahahahaha man i got the best joke evey
once i had an account and then it got suspended so i made a new 1 then i m using it and answering but i dunt know wat shud i asnwer thats all i m out of jokes w8 untill tmr i'll send it to u

Answer 7

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Answer 8

Three couples go out for breakfast. The husband of the first couple says to his wife "Sugar, please pass the sugar."
The husband of the second couple says to his wife "Honey, please pass the honey."
The wife of the third couple asks her husband "Dear, why don't you ever speak to me like that?"
So he say "Okay, please pass the bacon, Pig!"

Answer 9

what did the soap say to the shampoo?
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You're dirty!

It's squeaky clean! ha ha!