He is my best friend, but I don't want to be in a relationship with him. I also am interested in someone else who I have had sex with. I need a way to break up with him that isn't too harsh, and without telling him I cheated on him. HELP...
2006-07-06 08:13:54 · 34 answers · asked by Alex K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well honesty is the best way. But sounds like you you want to feel less guilty for your mistake. He will probably find out either way so it might as well come from you!
2006-07-06 08:16:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't tell him you cheated and don't tell him about the other man, because that will only make him feel worse. As well, it will cloud the issue, which is that you two haven't been happy for a while (I'm assuming.) There is no real gentle way to break this off, because there is so much history, so i agree that you should tell the truth, but the truth about what's lacking in your relationship. As much as it might be hurt, he can't argue with facts. But at the same time, a way to diffuse things is to also be "honest" about what you were lacking in the relationship. Because if you only come with the perspective that "you did this" and "you did that" he'll just be defensive and it will be VERY ugly.
And in regards to the whole friendship thing, its over! Because even if he agrees to be friends and he can get over his anger at being dumped, the second he finds out about the other guy, he more than likely won't forgive and forget. So cut your loses, and come to grips with the fact that there is no easy way to end this, and your boyfriend will get hurt in the end. But hey, it happens, nobody is the hero all the time.
2006-07-06 10:43:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Acknowledge that the relationship is really over. Come to terms with your own feelings and make a firm decision to end the relationship.
2. Don't delay the inevitable. Once you decide to break up with your partner, immediately think about how, when and where you will take action.
3. Make sure you're the one who personally delivers the news. Don't give a third party the opportunity to tell your partner that you want to break up before you have the chance to discuss the matter alone.
4. Select a private place to meet with your partner to end the relationship.
5. Find or schedule an appropriate time. Approach the topic when both of you are calm and rational. Don't announce your intention to break up during a heated argument or a moment of anger.
6. Show your resolve by being firm, decisive and honest. Help your partner understand why you want to end the relationship. Be tactful, not brutal.
7. Remind your partner that you'll never forget the positive qualities in your relationship, but emphasize that you're ready to move on with your life.
8. Give your partner the closure that he or she needs to accept the breakup; answer questions and talk it over instead of leaving loose ends.
9. Stay positive as you both make plans to go your separate ways.
Tips:
Let go of old grievances during a breakup. The end of a relationship isn't the appropriate time to bring up old grudges.
Warnings:
If your partner does not agree to the breakup, don't allow him or her to manipulate you into staying in the relationship.
2006-07-06 08:26:37 · answer #3 · answered by JRob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should of done that before you cheated on him. but whats done is done and the best thing to do is take him to a public place,tell him that your feelings have changed for him. Tell him this isnt easy for you to do, but its not fair to either one of you to be in this relationship right now. If you can, tell him you want to see other people if not leave it as that. Dont compromise. Dont candy coat anything, tell him truthfully how you feel he just might thank you for the honesty later. you never know he may be having the same felings too. Maybe even a break to see if this is what you really want or not.good luck and the sooner the better.
2006-07-06 08:30:24 · answer #4 · answered by LO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him and tell him that you love him but are not in love with him anymore. People can love someone and care about them but not want to be in that relationship. Just tell him that you want to experience new things before settling down with someone, and its better to do it now then wait. If you stay in the relationship, I can promise you that you will end up hating him. Don't settle if your not ready to. But I would be completely honest with him, either way its gonna hurt him, so you might as well tell him the entire truth, even about the cheating. You should have been women enough to leave him before you cheated. You would not like it if he cheated on you.
P.S I absolutely hate people that cheat.
2006-07-06 08:20:12 · answer #5 · answered by grrrrme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you've been together for so long, and you don't really feel like you did to begin with. Say you need a break, you might just be tempted by this other guy but once you've been with him you'll miss the old one. Say you think you should see other people. If you stay with him, you'll only be hurting him more. He doesn't need to know about the other guy... what you do is your business and no one else's
2006-07-06 08:18:50 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you like someone to break up with you after 3 years? Would you like them to mull it over for a couple of weeks while they sleep with someone else? Or would you like them to tell you the truth (I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore) so you can be hurt a little while but move on. You care for him so much that you can move on with your new life and new guy while he's stuck with someone who doesn't want him and preventing him from meeting someone who does. I bet you hope no one ever cares about you that much, right?
2006-07-06 08:21:34 · answer #7 · answered by SAN P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
100% honesty is what I say...if he is your best friend then sooner or later he will forgive you for cheating! It is better that he heard it from you and not someone else down the road because that hurts more than anything as not only you lied to him but he will look at it like you truely didn't care about him!! Be honest and stand up for what you have done...He deserves the truth
2006-07-06 08:18:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you see him as your best friend, rather than your boyfriend. Tell him your love for him is not like to be in a relationship, so you want to break up with him.
2006-07-06 08:17:49 · answer #9 · answered by dugu$ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have already ****** him over by cheating on him...he is not your best friend if you were able to disrespect him and yourself...tell him you are sorry, you value your friendship but you no longer want to date...give him space and let him get over it, stay away from him and try not to whore around for a little while...no need for him to see you with this other guy right away...next time, be open and honest and end your relationships before cheating...
2006-07-06 08:20:55 · answer #10 · answered by twentythree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋