Disciplining children ?????

Question

How much so should we be disciplining our children?

My kids have already started talking back to me if they don't get what they want and it is hurting me. But I have only myself to blame for that because I don't discipline them enough.

In Islam how should we go about disciplining our children? In the end of it all it is the parents who have to face Allah(Swt) for not raising our children to be good Muslims. So I want to know as much as possible, I hear how different cultures do this and that but I don't want to abuse them. Or is abuse being over exagerated here in the US?


http://www.myislamweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6159

Answer 1

this looks like more of a conversion thing rather than a child problem..you ask us then post your site telling us how to discipline kids.

Answer 2

I live in a state where they are fanatical about not letting parents discipline their kids. Most experienced parents will tell you that time-outs never worked very well. The Public school system acts as a spy outfit--it's not even no spanking any more, chew out your kid and you may be in trouble for "emotional abuse."

Nowadays most kids have to grow up, go out in the real world and get punished by the system out there! Do not ask me why our jails and prisons are full.

While I am not an advocate for child battering, I know that the definition of child abuse in today's world is completely nuts. But doesn't it seem more abusive than the old fashioned spanking to see all these young people walking around with criminal records because their parents weren't allowed to teach them limits?

Answer 3

I think that abuse in some cases is being over exaggerated. Each child is different. Some children respond to time outs, some to spankings, some to talking to, taking away toys etc. It really depends upon the child and the age of the child. If my child was talking back to me I would start with telling them it was wrong and not to do it again, then I would go to time out, then I would go to liquid dish soap in the mouth (not harmful and I guarantee you they won't want that again). With each step I would tell them what the next punishment is going to be. Also if the child is older chores work well too. Just remember talking back to an elder is not acceptable and if you don't show some form of discipline that works for your children they will never respect you.

Answer 4

Grounding is one way, grounding is when your child has privileges taken away, such as goodies, like TV, candy, video games, not being able to go out with friends. Depending upon how bad they are acting, they can be grounded for a few days to a month. Usually depends what they did and how they're acting up.

Spanking is another way, although in some cases, some people have gotten in trouble for that. And they're come a time when you just can't spank. Spanking a 15 year for talking back to you, probably wouldn't do a whole lot of good.

If they're younger, try sitting them in a corner for a time out. Where all they can do is sit and stare at the wall.

Answer 5

I don't advocate physical punishment. I remember being afraid of my mother, and feeling like I could never express my feelings if she was angry. Even though we have a good relationship now, I still feel some of those old feelings, and I would not want my children to feel inhibited in that way.

Instead, I prefer the privileges and consequence method. Every action either earns them a privilege or a consequence. And follow through. They're testing their limits. Let them know what they are. And let them suffer the consequences. It will be hard but worth it.

Answer 6

children need discipline to survive, to be good citizens, to be good people.

you have to set boundaries and do not give in. have set consequences for their actions, so that they know what will happen if they do what they are not supposed to, ie time out, losing a privelage, grounding, a little swat on the behind (never hurt me), ect.

they have to know what is and is not appropriate, for now and for years to come.

right now it's talking back to you, but in 15 years will they argue with a boss and get fired, or have problems with teachers in school. children have to be taught respect.

there is a huge difference between discipline and abuse!

Answer 7

i dont know about the rules of islam but I do know children can be punished without physically touching them. if they are small set up a time out area and make them go there when they misbehave. you could even tell them to go and read some verses from the QURAN and come back and ask them questions about what they read. If they are older you could take things away that they want like activities and going place with their friends

Answer 8

I work in the legal system, and no, child abuse is not over exagerated. I don't know how old your kids are, but time-outs work great, grounding is great for the older kids. Course, you could beat them, but then you'd go to jail, and you'd deserve it.

Answer 9

the bible says that train up a child in the way he should go and he shall not depart from it when he is old...proverbs 22:6.God admonishes us to discipline our kids,the bible even goes ahead and encourages parents to spank them...prov 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying....
i remember my parents spanked me,look at me ,i did'nt die..only when i came to america do i see all the moral decay where kids can talk back to their parents.,and who do we blame on all the crime drug abuse and murders that are going on in this land.to solve any problem,one has to go to the very roots of it,show me a dacaying society and i will show you a decaying family structure...where no discipline restrain or even respect for the aurthority is observed..so go ahead,spank your kids of course in a controlled manner and let them know you are doing it in love and as a consequence of their actions.,,they have to understand that the effect of their actions whether good or bad has a consequence.so my muslim brother go ahead and discipline your child,,save his soul from hell.by the way jesus saves...Jhn 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

no one will go to heaven but onlly thru jesus

Answer 10

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN CHILDREN MISBEHAVED..iT MEANT A TRIP TO THE OLD WOOD SHED FOR A WHIPPING...nOT SO TODAY...TODAY EVEN IF YOU SPANK YOUR CHILD ITS CALLED CHILD ABUSE.AND YOU CAN BE ARRESTED FOR IT..SO NOW THE CHILDREN RUN THE HOUSEHOLD AND NOT THE PARENTS...AND THE CHILDREN ARE NOT EQUIPT TO TAKE OS SUCH A RESPONSEIBILTY