I have a 17 yo daughter that physically threatened to hurt her little sister and I threw her out of the house becuase she has been threatening her since she came back home. I do not know what to do anymore, my 17 yo is living with a friend of hers and her friend thinks I should make amends with her but my daughter doesn't want to get a job or help around the house. All she wants to do is sleep all day and be on the phone all night. She does not do drugs or drink but I just can't handle her attitude. What should I do and was I too hard on her? ~ A mom in distress!!!
2006-07-06 06:33:44 · 11 answers · asked by Brina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dear fellow mom,
No-one said raising these kids of our would be easy. Some have it rougher than others and sometimes tough love is the only way to show a teen that you actually do love them. But it sounds as if your daughter is in distress of some sort or has anger towards something and this is a way of expressing it. (Albeit an unacceptable way of expressing it) Have you tried any family counseling? Even if you don't go as a family at first, maybe she can find someone professional to talk to. Your daughter needs to understand that you have expectations while she is living in your home and rules to follow. Threatening her younger sister is not acceptable behavior ever. You cannot risk your youngest child's safety. Make sure she understands the rules & expectations and see if maybe you two can come to some sort of a compromise. I would not hesitate to use tough love on my 16 yr old son if it came down to it. You can also thank your lucky stars that she isn't doing drugs or alcohol, like so many teens are. Try to see if there is anyway possible to start the healing within your family. You don't want to lose her forever.
2006-07-06 06:45:40 · answer #1 · answered by teddie_time 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Violence, real or threatened, should never be tolerated. When it happens, it ceases to be a family problem, and becomes a community problem.
Your daughter needs help, and if there is a way to reach her and get her to realize this, then I wish you all the luck in the world.
On the other hand, don't let her threaten you or anyone else. If it happens again, don't wait, don't discuss it with her, just call the police. That's it. Let the police deal with her. She'll learn very fast what's appropriate and what's not.
If this doesn't work, then she's truly beyond your help. Don't be afraid to ask for help yourself, from law enforcement, from civil services, whoever is in your local community that will listen.
2006-07-06 13:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by Todd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No u are not to hard on her. Like most of us she needs to realize we have to work. I think you should talk to her and let her know what life is all about. I'm quite sure you have already done this. But, in the mean time I think you need to talk to her and during that conversation if you feel she is not trying or willing, You may want to let her stay with her friend. Keep in mind that is your house and she needs to respect that. Not only that she needs to respect You. She may need to learn the hard way.
2006-07-06 13:59:22 · answer #3 · answered by annsoitis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing. shes a grown up and she needs to start acting like one. Having an attitude is by far the worst thing she could do . Soon she will learn her mistakes. Don't be hard on yourself. If you cant handle her attitude that's her problem not yours.
2006-07-06 13:39:07 · answer #4 · answered by LatinaChik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She threatened to kill her younger sister. Wow...and to add to her extreme anger you threw her out. Let me tell you this: imagine she kills herself tomorrow...will you not blame yourself for not letting her know that you loved her dearly? While she is at her friend's house go to her...daily if necessary...and tell her about how much you love her...she is your first born GODDANGIT! (I never swear- but in this case I had to at least alter it a bit)....and that you just don't know what to do anymore...and that you don't want anything to happen like her killing her sis....and that you want to get to the bottom of her anger. Just show her you love her.
My Mom and my younger brother had the same issue....my dad and mom pretty much didn't try to just hug him ..and look in his eyes- at least once and tell about how much they loved him- ... they didn't know how to get through to him. It was always me who mediated between them when we all still lived in one house. later we all left our home, but my bro still ached to have a relationship with our Mom. At one point he moved back in...but ended up moving out again, because of all the same reasons that you mentioned here- except for the threatening part. My parents regrets were huge...after he committed suicide in 1995 (he was a nurse at this point- lived in his own appartment). A best friend of my brother came to our house and told my Mom how my brother always regretted not having a close relationship with our Mom. He didn't really know her until he was eight, because she left to work overseas when he was only 7 months. What is your excuse? Please go to your daughter and let her know how much you love her...before it's too late. Then bring your daughter with you when you think they should start communicating with each other again, too- ask your older daughter for permission...on neutral grounds might be best. Just give her the feeling that she is important and that her thoughts are valued in your household. Good luck to you and your family.
2006-07-06 13:55:37 · answer #5 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl-if your daughter is threatening others in your house you need to kick her butt out-your not to hard she needs to know life isnt just sleeping all day and staying up all night-she needs to learn responsibility and what the real worlds like-you shouldnt let her mooch off you all day
2006-07-06 13:39:52 · answer #6 · answered by jojoyochicken123 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing. I am a firm believer in tough love.
Unless she is willing to get a job, and change her attitude, I wouldn't let her back in.
2006-07-06 13:40:53 · answer #7 · answered by Diamond 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs some therapy. Just a suggestion.
2006-07-06 13:37:57 · answer #8 · answered by jessica_lanelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Psychotherapy, your daughter exibits behavior that is congruent with maniac depression (aka Bi-polar). Have her see a specialist, whether she wants to or not.
2006-07-06 13:38:59 · answer #9 · answered by borris0298 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um .. have u asked why she physically threatened to hurt her little sister????????????.... if she doesnt do drugs or drink ..why are u bugging her?? .. let her live her life and have fun....
2006-07-06 22:26:29 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. Incredible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋