I didn't invite my mother's cousin to my wedding because she was mean to me as a child. Now she is "upset"

Question

I got married about a year and a half ago. I told my mother's cousin (who lives out of state) that I wasn't able to invite her because I didn't have room for more people at my wedding.

This is partly true. The main reason is because I haven't seen her since I was 16 and she was always mean to me when I did see her.

She yelled at me for adding too much sugar to a cookie mix, she yelled at me for spelling her son's name wrong, she told me I was a snob for shopping at the more expensive grocery store, etc.

Did I mention I was only 11 when she did all this?

Why should I feel bad about not inviting some psycho second cousin to my wedding? My mother felt I had the right to not invite her.

Answer 1

Don't feel bad. Your cousin was a real b*tch,and when you treat family members like that you shouldn't expect to be automatically
forgiven or invited to special functions just because you're family.
Besides,it was YOUR wedding,your day. You had the right to choose your own guests. If Psycho Cousin wants to make an issue of it maybe you should let her know why she was excluded.
She won't like it,but so what? Unless you live next door to her you
don't have to worry,and it sounds like she lives a greater distance
than that. If she knows the truth,maybe she can even handle it like
an adult and the two of you could work things out.
Anything's possible.

Answer 2

F*** it. When you actually hurt the feelings of those that are truely a&&holes and b*tches, it really gives you a sense of satisfaction, doesnt it? I think it does, no doubt about it. When you have these miserable f***ing family members, it almost becomes a form of art rather than an act of dismissal or aggression. The great thing about it is while you may think every once in a while about that time when you were 11 and she b*tched at you for using too much milk, she is going to stew about it, day and night, as to why she wasnt invited to your special day. Its going to eat her up inside and she'll wonder why this has happened. If I were you, I'd call her on the phone just to tell her that you didnt invite her because she's a b*tch and that furthermore, you'd like her to spend eternity burning in the 7th Circle of Hell. You may not be the same kind of cold-hearted a&&hole as me, but then again, I do not get along with my family. You may have a different situation. In any event, telling off family members in a jarring format is very liberating. Especially when these a&&holes made your life such a living Hell when as you were growing up.

-J.

Answer 3

You had the right to not invite her because it was your wedding but did you even bother to find out if she had changed at all? People sometimes do change as they get older and she may not remember the past the same way you do. You should have been honest with her about why you didn't want her at your wedding. Maybe you could try and talk to her and get it all out. Then, if she's the same old psycho, you can stop feeling guilty. If she has changed then you may end up with a new friend!

Answer 4

Well, now she knows how it feels, huh? The only bad thing is that you feel bad, too, for not inviting her. So, you are not as mean as her, because your conscience is bothering you. Sometimes we have to LET GO of past hurts, but this was YOUR wedding. You shouldn't have had to invite your own MOTHER if you didn't want to. This was YOUR day to have whoever YOU wanted. Do NOT keep feeling bad about this. If she ever says anything nasty at you, for not inviting her, just tell her, "Well, I love you, but in all honesty, I am still upset with you over the past, and being that it was MY wedding, I wanted to have people come who made me feel GOOD inside. Maybe I am wrong, but this is how I felt." And if she says that that is rediculous, then you tell her that it is YOUR feelings that counted on YOUR wedding day, not HER feelings. And say, you hurt me when I was little, and this hurt you, so let's both just get over it now, and try not to hurt each other in the future. Do NOT beat yourself up about this---as I said, It was YOUR DAY.

Answer 5

You shouldn't feel bad. Obviously she has a skewed vision of reality, and if she is still grousing about it a year and a half later, obviously she has very little going on in her life, and she actually enjoys holding a grudge.

My best advice is just "play" nice with her - send the Christmas cards, the birthday cards and whatnot, just to keep peace in the extended family. If she ever confronts you about the lack of an invitation, stay detached and simply state the facts of the case. The more emotional you get in the situation, the more emotional she'll get. If you stay on the logic side, everyone will see HER as the nutty one for getting so emotionally riled up about this.

And to agree with everyone else: hey, its your wedding and you'll invite who you want to. :)

Answer 6

Its not as a lot as you to ask your fiances visitors to the marriage, its his. that is his relations so she will be a centred visitor of his. even if you wish her, you won't be able to in good flavor invite a number of his cousins and not in any respect others, its previous impolite. what's your plan if she accepts a bridesmaid position? Asking her once you do not have any intentions of her being one is likewise impolite and down accurate propose. What you want to do is take the extreme street and invite her. in case you do not invite her its going to reason extra issues then that is going to remedy. Its going to create undesirable emotions between her and your fiance and particular between your fiance's ascertain and her ascertain (whomever is the siblings the following). in case you do not invite her people will observe she isn't there and ask why, you and/or your fiance will favor to describe she wasn't invited, additionally they are going to ask her on account that they're her relations they are going to have a tendency to believe her. I even might want to assert if one in all my cousins invited me to a wedding ceremony and not in any respect one in all my brothers over something petty like your situation - i'd probably not attend both. also you have not stated the funds of the marriage, even if in case your fiances father and mom are paying any area of it - they actually have a say in who's invited. one element although, how do you even understand her "operating her mouth" is authentic? more advantageous than probably till you heard it your self, you're listening to each and every thing from people after its been by skill of filters and/or changed. immediately purely listening to your facet of things you're coming off because the "propose female". basically "i'm taking my ball and that i go domicile" if she didnt' play what you had to. study a thanks to p.c.. your battles - his relations inspite of ways you sense about them will continually be his relations. also, study that your spouse and youngsters & acquaintances are not any extra or a lot less significant than his.

Answer 7

Well why do you feel bad? What brought this up after a year and a half. And why are you worried about it? It is your perfect right who to invite, it is her perfect right to get upset about it.

Answer 8

I would not have invited her either. Only difference is, I would have told her the truth as to why I didn't. It's your wedding and your choice as to who comes. You don't want to invite people you don't like just because you don't want them to be upset. You don't like them .... You shouldn't care if they are upset! They obviously don't care if you are upset.

Answer 9

NO, it was your day and the people you wanted to share it with you invited. Don't feel bad, don't let anything take away from that special day.

Answer 10

You had no reason to feel guilty. Why would you want someone that always made you miserable with you on YOUR special day. She has two choices, she can get over it or not. Don't let her make you miserable anymore.