Mean Parents, Or am I too sensitive?

Question

Okay, yes I know I asked this question already today.. For those of you who have not read it already it was about how my parents consistently nag about my calories, emabrrassing me in front of people about my weight, and being too critical when I am at a normal weight. But I thought I would clear things up. Now this makes the Question harder but.. my parents were never fat, nobody in our family is, I am not overweight, and most of all I have talked to them about how they hurt my feelings and bother me, and my dad walks away from me and my mom says that she will stop, but its useless becuase she is back at it by dinner. So now what do I do? I have dealt with bulimia before, but i dont know if it was becuase of them. It could have been becuase all my firends are extremely skinny, but i dont know...

there... that was the same exact question but more clear. If you want to read the old one just search mean parents and its right there. But to the people who answered beofre, thanks!

And I am the only child

umm no penguin chick. i dont think I am fat... lol

Answer 1

Your parents are like my parents. The only reason why they kept telling me about my intake on calories and what kind of food I ate was just so that they can change my eating habits because they were always afraid I might become overweight. My dad is normal, but not my mom is kind of on the heavier side, so she did it the most. But it helped me in some ways to stop picking up junk food and eating very healthy, leaving me at 102lbs at 5'2''. I think they are just doing so just so you can watch what you eat because americans now a days are overweight and they are concerned about it and they don't want you to lean towards that side.

Answer 2

I think your parents are behaving poorly. While they may mean well, I don't think they completely understand how they are hurting you, and possibly pushing you into doing very dangerous things.

Now for the good part - you say you are comfortable with your current size. That's GREAT! At least their hurt hasn't caused you to hate yourself or do something stupid (besides the bout with bulimia you say you have under control).

I would start by sitting down with both of them and start by thanking them for their concern, but go on to say how much their comments really hurt and embarass you. (It always helps to start a conversation that will include criticism with a positive).

Then go on to describe how you had even resorted to bulimia, and that you don't want to go there again, but that their comments are really testing your strength. Perhaps at this point you can relate a story to them that illustrates how insults and embarassing people RARELY yields good results. Imagine how they'd feel if their boss embarrassed them regularly in an attempt to get them to change a behavior?

That may get to them.

Then tell them that you are happy with your body AS IS and that it IS your body and what size you are is YOUR choice, not theirs.

Then suggest that if they are all that concerned, perhaps they should stop bringing junk food into the house and that all of you should get out more often as a family to participate in physical activities (like hiking, biking, playing basketball, etc.). That instead of berating you, they should be setting a positive example.

Kids learn from example, not from abuse.

I have a daughter who has struggled with her weight since she was about 8 and it is still a battle - for HER. I will support her efforts and I have taught her about nutrition, portion control and she IS fairly active.

The truth is that there is a genetic component that makes it easier for some to stay thin, and others to gain weight. Yes, eating less and exercising more works for anyone, but that doesn't change the fact is it easier or harder for some.

But the last thing I will ever do to my daughter is say or do something to make her feel bad about herself. She knows what she weighs; it is her choice what she wants to do about it (she's 19).

Answer 3

Last year I was best friends with the two skinniest girls in school, and for me I was not obese or anything I just didn't have that perfect body. So all year I wouldn't eat lunch or snacks because I didnt want to be thought of as 'the fat' one. But what I didnt realize was they were so skinny it was gross. No guys liked them last year and a whole bunch kept asking me out. (i'm not trying to brag sorry.) But what I'm trying to say is be yourself no matter what people think. If they really are your friends then they dont care how much the scale says. And for your parents, It seems they dont care about your feelings. Or I've seen this happen to other kids is that the parents might be gaining a few pounds so the parents dont want to feel bad for themselves so they want their kids to feel fat. But Just ignore them when they are like that. They are your parents and they love you. I hope I helped

Answer 4

Yes, your bulemia is caused by the constant nagging about weight and calories, absolutely!! I have battled bulemia and compulsive over eating for a long time and now at the age of 44 I am trying to get this under control. Please, fix this problem now before you're a middle aged woman like me trying to fix it! First thing you do is to sit down with both of them and explain that what they are doing is considered verbal abuse and it's taking its toll on you emotionally and if it continues, will bring on health problems. They must be made aware of how it makes you feel. Then talk with your guidance counselor, favorite teacher or even your doctor and let them know what's going on. This can and will turn into a health issue: emotionally and physically and must be stopped now. Please be brave and stand up for yourself. Too much pressure on any kid can make them snap.

Answer 5

Maybe you could have your doctor--or the school nurse--speak to your parents. They need to understand that there is nothing wrong with your weight, and even if there were, this is not the way to deal with it. I had a son who was severely overweight. I brought him to doctors (who were horrible to him, btw), programs, Weight Watchers, etc. I knew when he was ready, he'd lose the weight for good. And, sure enough, when he was 16 he hooked up with a terrific endocrinologist and lost over 100 lbs. I made sure I had thngs in the house that he could eat and was very supportive of his incredible efforts, never, ever, did I nag him. This is bad parenting, in my opinion, and I am wondering why on earth they are doing this to you.

Answer 6

Based on what you said, love, this is a disgusting form of emotional abuse. I'm not sure what you can actually 'do' about it. You may just have to live with it until you're old enough to move out. I'm extremely sorry you have to put up with this. You've obviously made it clear to your parents how much it hurts you, but frankly, they sound like rotten people for their behavior. I'm not sure how old you are, or how long it is until you turn 18. In the meantime, you need to talk to your school counselor. That is why they are there, not just to tell you what credits you need to fill to graduate. Talk to your counselor; he/she is a trained professiona who will be able to provide you with the approrpriate guidance and may even be able to mediate between you and your parents. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 7

This is actually a form of mental abuse. That is probably the worse kind of abuse, because the scars are on the inside, and those are the hard ones to heal....they can have a lasting affect. You should talk to your school counselor, he/she can point you in the direction of family counseling. You are sensitive, but you have a right to be. Your parents should not be telling you that you are fat. They need to guide you about what to eat, and talk to you about what problems you may be having if you are over eating. They should not be putting you down, and making you feel bad about yourself.

Answer 8

Sometimes you think that family is the best at understanding these situations but you come to conclude that you are totally wrong. I had the same problem with my aunt. I was too young to realize that what she was saying was out of line and she didn't have to do that. Now I say, the hell with her. I haven't talked to her for over two years. Maybe you can talk to someone close who will understand-preferably an adult- so that they can have a little parenting 101 with them.


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Answer 9

I'm not sure why some parents behave this way, my Mother's favorite thing to say was "if you don't watch your figure, nobody else will". It took a long time for me to figure it out, but I eventually learned that the best reply to this was "My health is all that matters, anyone who critisises me because of my weight is probably doing so because it makes them feel better about their own short-comings, and by-the-way you should really get some wrinkle cream for those crows feet."

Answer 10

i read your last one and this one and yes they are being way too hard on you. maybe they dont understand the way you feel. tell them and if they dont listen that is their prob. and if your mom is the one cooking the food maybe you should tell her that if shes so worried about the calories maybe she should learn to cook healthier and stop feeding you stuff that could harm your physic. i dont know its one thing if your fat and they are doing this but if your not? whats up? tell them to quit nagging or youll end up in the nut ward! or worse. you know its clinically proven that children under stress are more prone to do drugs than anyother child. tell them that. no maybe not. i dont know, just hang in there and just try to ignore their snyde remarks. good luck sweetie!