my sister-in-law is graduated, but she doesn't last long when she finds job, every month we pay her rent.?

Question

I'm completlely upset about this situation, but my husband, help her all the time she asks for. What to do, in this complicated case?

Answer 1

Maybe you should sit down with your husband and talk calmly with him about this situation. Explain how you feel about the money that is going out each month for his sister's rent. Money that you could be saving toward vacations, future children, buying a home or making improvements on the one you have. Is your sister-in-law quitting her jobs or is she getting fired? Tell him that he needs to have a long heart-to-heart talk with his sister and tell her she is going to have to keep her job once she gets another one. It is not his responsibility to be taking care of his sister's rent. Where did she move from when she got her own place? If if was from her parent's house, maybe she needs to go back home and pay some rent to her parents until she can find a job that she will stick with. I hope this helps.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with helping family out. But each month having to pay her rent and she can't hold a job? Come on now, there has to be a limit somewhere.
She needs to feel the pressure under her feet. Refuse to let your husband give her money one month, and invite her over to sit with her and help her find a job. Also, you can have that 'girl to girl' talk with her, and let her know that you and your husband will not be paying her bills for much longer, give her a time limit, and give her an altimatum. ( I think it's spelled right). Lay it to her straight, let her know exactly how you feel, and let her know that you control your husband, she doesn't control her brother. Say you're glad to help out, but there is a limit to your generosity and you won't allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Let her know you are not trying to raise her or pay her bills each month, and that she will have to learn how to mooch off of somebody else. If she doesn't get it, be a little more up front and direct. Maybe that way she'll get the point.

Answer 3

As long as your husband keeps babying his sister, things won't change. Obviously he either can not see or refuses to see the situation as it really is. As long as she can depend on her brother to pay her rent every month, she will never take work seriously. Why should she. He takes care of her. Now, the situation is, how do you stop your husband from doing this. One factor is, how much influence do you have on your husband. Have you tried talking to him about this situation? If not, try. It is obvious you have been disatified with his helping her for quite some time, but he does nothing to change it. Let your feelings be known. Also, do you contribute to the family income. If you do and he refuses to acknowledge your pain over this, withhold the amount you contribute and put it in a separate checking account. That way you will have control over your part of the family income.
He must be the "big brother" and thinks he is really helping her. Quite the contrary. As long as he gives her money when she needs it she will never learn to be a responsible adult therefore he is only hurting her.
Once again, try and talk to him. Explain that he is not helping but hurting. He should give her fair enough warning ahead of time that he will no longer be her personal bank and that she needs to be responsible for herself. However, if he thinks for some reason that he is responsible for her, you wil not be able to stop him. I hope things work out better for you.

Answer 4

Some people have a really hard time growing up and they feel that life "owes" them just for their existing. Starter jobs aren't good enough, middle jobs often aren't . These are people who just don't understand that you have to work your way up in the world.

By paying your s-i-l's way your hubby is enabling her to put off the inevitable, she has to grow up sometime. Is it hard for her? Too bad, we've all been there and some people need to hit bottom before they are willing to really work for a living.

Calmly, tell your husband how upset this makes you and let him know that you worry your sil won't ever get her act in gear with him supporting her. Offer to help in other ways - you've been given some good ideas from people here. Just let him know that paying her way is no longer an option.

Answer 5

Sit down and have a talk with her. Tell her that she has a certain amount of time (say 6 months) to find a job that she's serious about and that she will stick with. Up until this certain date, let her know that you will be willing to HELP her out (not let her be a mooch) and after the time is up, whether she likes where she's working or not, she will have to stay with it because you will be through giving her hand-outs. She can either find a job or find another family member to mooch from.

Answer 6

Well for one, you are in losing situation because that is his sister and siblings usually stick together. If you make him stop it will eventually start causing some major problems between the both of you, eventually causing a major strain on your marriage. You might just have to deal with it, he will eventualy get tired of her always coming to him for help. It's human nature. If it's not causing any financial strain on you then what are you worried about? But if it is and you have children together, then I would definitely have a talk with him. But be sure to talk "to" him not at him. Men hate when they feel they are being talked down too or being spoken to like children being scolded! Stay calm and relaxed as men do not receive anything from us women, when all we do is yell and scream! The whole point in you talking to him about this is to get a solution not make a matter worse! You will only end up frustrated yourself!

Answer 7

Dont stand for this . . A little help is what family members do for each other . . paying rent every month (or more than a couple of times) is WAY excessive... this girl needs to learn that money is earned & you cant live without it. If your hubby wont listen then start taking any spare money & setting is aside for a vacation..spend it before she can get it. Better you than her. Hope it works out!

Answer 8

do you work? I mean if your working then that means your also helping his sister which also means you have a right in what to say about were the money is used for. Best bet is to talk to hubby about how upset your are about this and how he's not thinking about you or him. I know its nice to help out sister sometimes but not every month and if he doesn't get the picture.. Well hopefully were ever you live you can get alimony since he like helping people with with their finances.

Answer 9

stop paying her rent. You may think that that is mean, but you are really doing her a favor. It's called "tough love." There is a difference in helping someone (like paying their rent during an actual crisis) and enabling them to continue in their destructive habits (like the wife who continually "forgives" her husband for beating her up). Enabling is when you help someone out of a bind for so long, that they never feel the consequences of their actions--the enabler feels them instead. You know you are enabling someone when you feel angry and frustrated at that person for taking advantage of you.

Answer 10

Well, if you have the cash to spare then it's cool you are helping her. It's tough to get and keep a good job these days so I understand your hubbys point of view. I understand that it sucks that you are paying her rent, did you ever think of a way that she could repay you like cleaning your house??? Cooking meals or helping you with groceries?