I love him with all my heart but he seems distant at times and when he is asked to call me he doesnt often call. I feel really depressed without him but when i am with him i feel alive and whole and wonderful. He is the first good thing to happen for me for a really long time. I dont know where to go at this point. We are to be married in 4 years, and he means everything to me. I love him but at times its just really depressing when we are apart or he is too busy to call. I am unsure of what to do. We have talked about it, and he gets really good about it for a while and then his life gets inthe way. Maybe I am just being paranoid.
2006-07-06 05:36:39 · 17 answers · asked by marishka 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am american and we live in the same town. He works nights and i do stuff during the day. We have cell phones
2006-07-06 05:44:49 · update #1
you are being paranoid... dont mess this up... he sounds like he means everything to you... and i know what you are going through b/c i was the same way... if he doesnt call you you wonder what hes doing that is so important that he cant stop for a min and call you to say hi or i love you... you just have to realize that he is thinking about you he just cant always get away to call you and let you know... stop being paranoid and busy yourself when hes not around... go hangout with some friends it also helps the time go by faster when yall arent together... just hang in there it will be better very soon...
2006-07-06 05:46:00 · answer #1 · answered by Rebekah 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Paranoid is not the word I'd use here. You are in love. That sick to your stomach feeling when they aren't there is normal. I don't think he's trying to be distant on purpose. And you said that he makes you feel "Alive, whole and wonderful." It sounds to me that he's a busy guy. Four years is a long time to be in an engagement. How old are you two? Here is a tiny tid bit I've picked up throughout the years, men do not always call when they are supposed to. It doesn't point to the fact they are trying to be distant, they just do that stuff all the time because it's in their nature. I have been married 3 years, and my hubby still forgets to call. The depair you feel when he's not there does lessen over time, but it never truly goes away. Hang in there sweetie!
2006-07-06 12:43:53 · answer #2 · answered by outlandsishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are being paranoid...and a bit needy..be careful with that. If it is his job/life that is interferring with his time with you, you have to be tolerant and understanding...but don't let it get carried away. Some people are just not phone talkers...I know this because I'm not...don't assume that he doesn't want to spend time...he's just busy. Try suprising him...bring him lunch...call him at work and tell him to keep his lunch time free. Or even tell him the night before. Be ready to be flexible about the time or the day...the next day may be taken already...but do it anyway. Make an event of it...a picnic in a park...when he's done..make out on the blanket...make it something to remember and put a smile on his face for the rest of the day.
2006-07-06 12:45:49 · answer #3 · answered by Rabbit Ritto 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to trust him and consider yourself lucky to find the love of your life. Learn to be happy and dont think about the minor things in life.
kimpossiblev...
1 minute ago
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Sounds like he's just not that into you.
A man who is love with a woman calls - and not because she tells him to. He calls because he loves her and wants to hear her voice and see how her day was. If you're unsure then now would be the time to call it off before the wedding plans are made.
Traingirl
1 minute ago
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4 years is a loooong engagement. Sounds like you're very young? Maybe he's drifting away from you. People change a lot in their 20s. I'm glad you're not getting married right away. Try focusing on your other interests when you're not with him. Get involved with a new hobby or take some classes. You'll feel better if you stay busy.
idontkno1#
59 seconds ago
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sound like you don't have trust in this realtionship working .4 years is a long time to wait .thing happen in that long period of time it just might not work .
dragonknight...
55 seconds ago
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tell him that he needs to make time for you
especially for someone who is about to marry you
does he care more about you? or does he care more about his life? (what is his life anyway? if it's not important, then he definetly should have time for you)
shotzeisme
31 seconds ago
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Maybe you are,maybe you're not. How far apart are you? You have a four year long engagement? That's strange for America,so,I'm assuming from the name,you might be from another country,and you are in the US,and he isn't? If that's the case,I'd be worried,too. That's a long time to expect a man to be faithful,especially if you're not nearby and can't see him on a regular basis.
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2006-07-06 12:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by amir 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not paranoia it is obsession. Anytime you "need" another person to feel "whole" then you are missing a part of your own id. You need to back off this whole relationship thing find out who you are before you get involved with anyone. If you do you're far more apt to be so obsessed that you will put up with someone that is not available when you need them. However, if you need them to be functional you will never find anyone that is willing to spend all their time meeting your needs. The rule is first get a life that interest you so that you don't get "depressed" when you are apart. If you were ready for a relationship your apart time could be spent doing things that are interesting to you which would make calling you and coming home far more interesting for him.
2006-07-06 12:43:23 · answer #5 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're a little co-dependent. Remember, you don't need anyone to make you happy - happiness comes from within. Give the man some freedom (he's busy at work), stop complaining to him, and go do things that you feel good about until you can be together again. You are making your fiance your whole life, and he isn't. Marriage is a partnership with love, respect, mutual trust and dreams of the future. The rest is just day to day life with each one being his/her own person.
2006-07-06 12:44:53 · answer #6 · answered by Decoy Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 years is a loooong engagement. Sounds like you're very young? Maybe he's drifting away from you. People change a lot in their 20s. I'm glad you're not getting married right away. Try focusing on your other interests when you're not with him. Get involved with a new hobby or take some classes. You'll feel better if you stay busy.
2006-07-06 12:41:04 · answer #7 · answered by locolady98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being paranoid. I went thru the same exact thing and we ended up seperating b/c I felt that "life was getting in the way" especially his. I cried for days when we split and I cried when we were together b/c I felt so alone. I had to take the advice of a good friend. He doesn't have time for you or he couldn't make time for you. So now you have to decide to waste time waiting on him or leave him to himself. If it was meant to be, he'll come back. This is the time when you have to depend on loving yourself and caring for the people who care about you.
2006-07-06 12:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by Corona S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are,maybe you're not. How far apart are you? You have a four year long engagement? That's strange for America,so,I'm assuming from the name,you might be from another country,and you are in the US,and he isn't? If that's the case,I'd be worried,too. That's a long time to expect a man to be faithful,especially if you're not nearby and can't see him on a regular basis.
2006-07-06 12:41:44 · answer #9 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's just not that into you.
A man who is love with a woman calls - and not because she tells him to. He calls because he loves her and wants to hear her voice and see how her day was. If you're unsure then now would be the time to call it off before the wedding plans are made.
2006-07-06 12:41:02 · answer #10 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋