My friend w/benefits doesn't want anything serious, but i just got back from Vegas and he went all out. He called be to check if i got there ok. He called me five times the day i was coming back. He lives an 1 1/2 away from me and he come over to see me the day i got back. He rented movies for us. He had stayed at my place while i was gone and i noticed that he took the trash out, he washed the dishes i left in the sink and he did the bed. Now his never done anything close to that in the past 6 yrs. Is he considering me as a possible gf even though he told me he didn't want anything serious? I text him last night "don't think the bed, dishes and the trash went un noticed. I love you" em i pushing him away by letting him know how i feel and that i noticed the things he did? His always been reserved and doesn't exprese him self. I feel that the smallest justers show me he cares about me, n especially since his never done anything like it. I'm confused does he love me or is it in my mind?
2006-07-06 04:28:59 · 32 answers · asked by dodgergirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You told him you loved him ? You told him you loved him ? You are in a friends with benefits (but no hope) and you told him you LOVED him ? WHY did you do THAT ?????
Females who enter into these "friends with benefits" relationships inevitably seem to think that the relationship will evolve into a romance - that he will eventually care. Usually that is not the case. Why should he ? He has everything he wants - a good friend, an understanding that he isn't involved in anything "serious" and ---- SEX. What more could a guy want ?
So you've been screwing around with him for 6 years and - now - you think he has finally fallen in love with you ? I think he was ready for the benefits by the time you got back - he checked on your arrival, wooed you with a rented movie, hoped in the sack with you, cleaned up his mess the next morning and booked. Sure, maybe there is a little more consideration than he has shown in the past (which is really too bad because it means you have really been taken for granted in the past) but it was NO declaration of love. I'm not even sure it was a declaration of anything exceeding his comfortable relationship with you.
And yet you told him you loved him. Lord, woman, what does it take for you to love someone ?
I think, actually, you probably do love him. But his feelings for you are all in your mind. If you two have agreed that it is nothing serious --- just friends with benefits --- then that's the way it is in his mind until he tells you different. Your hopes do not change the agreement and they sure as hell do not change the way he feels.
2006-07-06 04:39:27 · answer #1 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a verb. His actions show he cares. But, make no mistake. He has to also confess it if anything is to work out. This may be a little baby step in the right direction. Yes, acknowledge what he has done for you and then move on. It is up to him to make up his mind about what he wants out of this relationship. You seem to already know what you want. Maybe he'll come around. In the meantime, keep busy, date (but don't flaunt other guys in his face unless he asks outright, then say that you are going out with a friend, if he makes a fuss then simply say that you were not aware of the status your relationship. This would be a good time to lay everything on the table. you will have gotten his attention). Be coy, don't make yourself so available all the time. Be easy to get along with, and smile be happy all the time in his presence. This will make you seem independant and happy with yourself. This is a very attractive quality. Don't call him too much, and when you do talk to him always be the first one to end the conversation. Try to only stay on the phone with him for 7 minutes or less. Call him once a week and only return calls after that. You will become somthing that he wants to chase after. He will be putty in your hands. And remember, never ever look tacky in front of him. Keep up a good appearance.
2006-07-06 04:40:10 · answer #2 · answered by Oracle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he told you he doesn't want anything serious then believe him. What he did was very nice and basically all it shows is that he doesn't like to live in a messy place. Has he stayed at your place in the last 6 years alone to have the opportunity to wash dishes or make the bed? I'm sure no matter where he stayed he would have done that. I don't want to burst your bubble but again, I think he just wanted his environment to be clean. Your letting him know that you noticed and thanking him was great...I'm not so sure about the 'I love you' part. Good Luck
2006-07-06 04:34:50 · answer #3 · answered by ctryhnny04 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The direct answer to your question is, "yes, guys like to be recognized for the smallest things." We don't typically want a big deal made of them and your text message seems appropriate.
The question for you is, "are you satisfied with the relationship as it is or are you wanting more?" You indicate that you have been dating (or whatever you call it) for 6 years and that he said at some point that he didn't want anything serious. You also say you are scared of pushing him away which tells me that you probably want more from this relationship. After 6 years it seems like both of you may have a better idea of what you want from life and the kind of person you want to spend it with. If he is "the one" then maybe you need to broach the subject with him. If he still feels that being friends w/ benefits is fine then you may need to make the tough decision and open yourself up to meet someone else who meets your changing needs.
2006-07-06 04:45:10 · answer #4 · answered by highlander 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your friends with benefits, cares about you deeply.The fact is he has been around for six years. He may not be the type to verbally shower you with his love. What he is doing is communicating with you non-verbally. I think he is getting the job done. You noticed that he did all of the little things. Honestly don't get too happy you guys have been friends with benefits for six years, you're probably just a well kept booty call. No disrespect it happens. People are capable of hating more than one person so I am sure we can love more than one person. Don't try to rush him into a relationship, talk it out with him. You should ask him what he wants and needs out of the one who becomes his woman. If you dont have an idea what it is he likes, it's in your head. You may have to let him go so you can find what you really want, your going on your seventh year with that title of "friends with benefits".
2006-07-06 04:46:49 · answer #5 · answered by Torino J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well....I would sit tight...the next move is his...yep, he loves you but as you know there are many kinds of love....the love of a friend and the love of a lover are two different things....You love your mom, chocolate pudding and a good book but you don't love them the same way. He may not want anything serious but that's up to him to say. A guy like that may not want a commitment but likes the benefits of monogamy. You have to decide how long you are willing to wait for him and exactly what is it that you want....if the relationship he is offering is not what you want perhaps you guys can compromise and then again perhaps not.....don't pressure him....have enough grace to walk away without the drama....he'll either hunt you down or let you go.
2006-07-06 04:35:52 · answer #6 · answered by miatalise12560 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's absolutely appropriate to acknowledge something ANYone does for us...especially if it's not their job/responsibility. Definitely if it occurs in the future, let him know you appreciate him...as for what he's feeling, give it some time...perhaps he has grown to think of you in a more romantic way than in the past...right now, enjoy what y'all have...don't press the "love" issue (or say it to him, to see if he says it back)...if he continues a few more weeks with his current behavior, and you still aren't clear on his feelings, then ask him...if you've been together for 6 yrs, there shouldn't be anything y'all can't discuss...
2006-07-06 04:33:20 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, that message is LOUD AND CLEAR! He loves you and missed you terribley! You did the right thing by recognizing his work. Now, back off...and let him show you some more new tricks. OH...you can thank him again in person and tell him how much that meant to you. Just roll with the flow. He'll come around when he is ready. Enjoy his attention!
2006-07-06 04:33:00 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The smallest gesters are the ones that show how much you care the most. He was looking to see how you would react and he more than likely loves the fct that you told him about you noticing these things, if you think your pushing him away by that then think again because its going to bring you closer, hopfully thats what you want.
2006-07-06 04:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by hoebag82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know who invented the whole FWB thing, but it's the stupidest idea I've ever heard of.
Yes, men love to be recognized when they do something nice for you. But if you're just FWB, it's hard to change that status to bf/gf. Telling him you love him is a huge step, and if you're just FWB, that could chase him away. If he wants to become your bf, take it easy, just show him you appreciate him, and let him lead the way.
And in the future, forget the whole FWB thing. It's a baaaaad idea.
2006-07-06 04:35:38 · answer #10 · answered by locolady98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋