Can he get custody?

Question

When i got pregnant, he told me that he wasn't ready for a baby now. He did not stop contacting me but as he was affecting me, I stop contacting him. He would prefer I have an abortion. Right now, I had given birth and he told me he would hope to keep in contact with me. He wanted to know our updates. At first I didn't want to and I thought I would change my number. He then told me that he spoke to his lawyer and say he will be able to through legal ways. I feel threatened and right now feels very worried. He did not pay for all my hospital and gynae charges. He is not a local in my country. Will the judge give custody to him in the event if he fights for it? My financial status is not as well off compared to him.

I'm from Singapore and he's from Germany. I heard that judges would give custody to the one who can provide better for the child. I am worried coz I am not rich compared to him. I am working and have a part time nanny looking after my baby when I start work.

I am 25 and baby just a month. His name is not on the birth cert. I am really worried coz I feel he didn't want the baby at first then now that I given birth to a boy, he wants to keep in contact. Is it really true judges will give rights to the mother? Please advise what I can do? Can I just ignore him totally? If I ignore him totally, will he say that he tried to provide but I ignored him?

Answer 1

He won't get custody, but he will get visitation rights

Answer 2

Look, stop panicking. Use your head. The judge will grant custody to whomever is the most prepared, whoever knows their 'stuff'. For instance, keep a journal, and record everything that happens. Write down when you talk to him on the phone, in person, exactly what was said, write down when he sees the baby (if any), and come to court prepared.
Keep in mind he might just be trying to scare you, which he seems to be doing a good job of doing. Don't let this man intimidate you, rise to the occasion and show this prick what you're made of. If he wants a fight, give him a fight. Show him how much of a b**ch you can be.
And also, keep a log/journal of your struggles with your pregnancy, the things the said to you about the abortion, and not wanting a baby. Everything you can think of related to your baby, write it down. The court doesn't grant custody to whom has more money, but to whom is more prepared and whom has their facts straight. And call around different attorney's offices and ask for advice. Some of them will go ahead and lend a few answers free. And some also do a free consultation, and go there and ask away any questions you have.

Answer 3

I do not propose to be completely knowledgeable here and I fear that most of the advice that you get herein will be based on personal ideologies.

What I do expect is close to the truth is that the courts would have the best interest of the child in mind. The fact that he had nothing to do with the child prior to you giving birth is of little significance. I have known men who had a 14 year old show up at the door claiming to be the guys kid. Can you imagine that?

Anyhow, it is in your best interest to make sure that the child is completely and totally in a giving, comfortable and safe environment. If he really wants custody of the child he will exploit ANY and all short-comings you might have. Paramount on that list is your economic strata.

I am not necessarily a pro-ponent of a child staying with the mom. I also agree that the child's best interest are what matters.

Good luck.

Answer 4

First, if he is the father, he can request and pay for a DNA test to prove it. (or take you on Maury) and if he is the dad, then he does have legal rights.
If he wasn't there, name isn't on the birth certificate, and isn't willing to do this, it is your word against his that he is the father.
However, look at what is best for the child. You don't have to be with a person to have a civil relationship with them and in that way your child would have two parents to grow up around. If this guy is not a good influence on your child, document why, because if he pushes the DNA and goes to court, you may be forced to prove why he should not get custody; just as he would have to prove he is the stronger parent.
Paying for charges doens't do anything unfortunately. EIther does his desire, before the child was born to abort it. You did use the words "I feel Treatened right now and very worried." If this man is threatening you; call the police. That is against the law. If not the police call someone like "against abuse." There are usually numbers to places like that AT your gynacologist!
Good luck.

Answer 5

You didn't say what country you live in, so the following answer applies to the US.

To answer your question, "can he get custody" the answer is generally yes. The real answer you need to consider is "Is he likely to get custody" and that answer is probably not, but it will all depend on the courts, your situation and the situation of the father.

The first thing you need to do is get legal representation. If you live in a major metropolitan area, and are low income, you should be able to find free legal services, or at least reduced rates. You should consider borrowing the money from family if that is possible.

It is very important that you have legal representation before this case gets to court.

Some of the things you need to consider with an attorney are visitation, and since the father appears to not be a citixen in the country you live in, you need protection to make certain the father doesn't vanish back to his country with the baby during visitation - I *think* the court can require him to surrender his passport or something to make certain this is less likely.

Another thing you need to consider is applying for and getting child support. This may require a DNA test, and court intervention, but it will help defray the costs of raising your child. Once again, you'll need an attorney to make certain you aren't taken advantage of in court.

Answer 6

In my country (USA) If your unmarried and he isn't listed as the father then you have custody. He must prove you unfit & prove he is fit, in order to take the child from you. He does have the right to see the child if he wants, he can use the court system to accomplish this, but I highy doughty he would want full custody of your son.
I would talk to him and find out what he hopes to gain by being a part of his sons life. Ask him what he can offer him. Set down the ground rules and make them fair. Give him a chance, you may hate this man for walking out, but eventful your son will grow up and you could be the best Mom in the world, he will still wonder. Where's my dad? Why isn't he here? My guess by the time that happens he will have showed his true colors and walked out. Then you can look at your child and know that you did do right by him you did try and he failed your son, not you.
And if not then maybe there is a way you guys can parent together with out fighting, A child honestly needs both parents, if they are available. Shame on those who aren't. They walk out then screw them.
I get exactly what your saying and all of my advice, comes from personal experience.
I was where your at 14 years ago with my daughter.
I did what I said I set ground rules and he must follow them, It took my a very long to get that she really does need to be around or at least that he loves her. and that it was wrong of me to try to keep them apart. He has never supported her ($$$$) in any way, but he does provide love. And she loves her father very much, I hate his guts and we DON'T get along, but for the sake of our child I really try.
Unfortunately he is gonna always be the father right? So you will need to find away to make this situation bearable for all of you. Not an easy thing to do I know. I hope the best for you and your son.

Answer 7

If you are taking good care of your child, and are being a good mother he has no chance for that. I do think, however, that you should contact a low-cost family practice attorney, just as a precaution.

Financial status is not something a judge would use to take your child from you. Abuse, neglect or unsafe suroundings would cause a problem. Make sure you have a good strong support network, like family and close friends. If he does try to start "trouble", you don't want to have to face it alone.

Answer 8

If his name is on the birth cert. you may have issues reguarding visitation. He wont get custody unless he can prove your unfit to be a mother. If his name is on the birth cert, chances are he will visit, you should go after child support. My brother had to pay it to his ex wife for 18 years and she had a restrant order put on him so he couldn't come around. He didn't do anything, she just wanted to marry someone else, and keep him out of the picture. There are ways to get his financial support and still keep him away. Good luck.

Answer 9

I wouldn't listen to the people who say he can't get custody. It has happened before. You need to get a lawyer. This is serious stuff. Especially if he has already talked to a lawyer. You may very well loose your child. You better find a way to afford a lawyer if you want to keep your kid. He doesn't sound like the greatest guy, so their is no telling what he might try.

Answer 10

If you have been a good mother, it doesn't matter what kind of money he has. He IS the child's father, so he may be able to get visitation rights. You need to contact and attorney. I know how hard it is when you have no money, but most will work something out for you. Good luck!

Answer 11

If he's already talked to a lawyer, my suggestion would be that you seek legal counsel as well. I don't know where you are from and custody laws are different everywhere. I do know that they usually like to keep the child with the mother as long as the mother is fit, which it sounds like you are, so you have that working for you.