Losing Your Self?

Question

Ok - I am finally with the most amazing man. But I tend to have a pattern with relationships -- when I fall for someone, I forget about me. My self-esteem is so tied to what THEY think, THEY feel, etc...and at no fault of theirs, do I put all my self-worth into our relationship. When I am single, I am very confident, strong, etc...but maybe it is the fear of being left or not good enough that makes me focus sooo much on the relationship at hand. Is this normal? How do I balance this? This man is so important to me and does NOT force me to focus only on him or anything. He is supportive and loving but I feel my insecurities grow the closer we get. How do I RELAX and truly just ENJOY our relationship without overthinking EVERYYYYTHING?!! lol. HELP

I have spoken to him about this. He is very understanding but I am afraid that it will take it's toll on the relationship. I fear people leaving me and not being good enough. I tend to over think ener nuance -- not all the time but sometimes I drive myself crazy. I love him and he loves me, but it IS new and scary still. I am trying to shift my energy towards other things like the gym, my friends and myself. I just want to feel more "worthy" -- but I am the only one making myself feel UNworthy - ughhhh...I hate being a woman!!

Answer 1

You will lose your self..all relationships suck the life out of you.

Answer 2

I totally hear ya....I'm a little bit of the same way although I have gotten way better in the past few years...it just takes practice and determination....take up a hobby of some kind...that's what I did..it actually made me feel a lot better about myself and more confident. Don't ever lose yourself because in the end....YOU is all YOU have....your right, it's not the man's fault, it's our own (most of the time) but it's also up to US to right the situation. Insecure feelings are normal, it's not fun to deal with but it is normal. Just be happy that you and your man aren't having problems!!! That is something to be grateful for!! Pick a day once a week to go out with the girls or like I said, take up a new hobby....maybe even spend some time by youself, go to the bookstore and get a coffee, settle down into one of those chairs and just enjoy!!!
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Set some guidelines for yourself. Take a girly day here & there. Make a special night out withthe girls. You have to find the balance. If you are confident and strong without a man, then you can absolutely be the same person with a man!
Don't let your emotions take over your being. Find you balance.

Answer 4

It seems to me that you lose yourself to get the guys, otherwise they would wonder where you went. You don't give them a chance to really know you because you have surrendered the true you early on. You have to stay true to yourself. If this is not something you can do on your own, you may need to seek professional help. Not putting yourself first, is how you set you self up for abuse. Know the things you want in a relationship, be adamant about them and you will have a better relationship.

Answer 5

you just have to set your mind to be the person you want to be and learn to trust him..if he is meant for you then he will help you feel more secure..have you talked to him and told him how you feel? you need to so that he can help you and understand when you do destructive things

Answer 6

AS WOMEN WE TEND TO OVER THINK THINGS. UNLIKE MEN WE GO INTO GREAT DETAIL WITH OUR THINKING. JUST REMEMBER NOT TO PUT THIS MAN BEFORE YOURSELF.

Answer 7

You should sit down with him and tell him all this. He can help you keep your confidence.