i need advice about my daughter?

Question

Help, my daughter started college last week and now wants to drop out due to the expense of daycare. I have offered to pay for daycare for my grandaughter but she wont accept the money from me, she says its too much. she was so excited last week when classes started, i dont know what went wrong. Its like she comes up with a million issues why she cant go to school. Maybe she just dosent want to go right now, i dont know. Im proud of her no matter what she does, but if she would just let me pay for daycare, she would have one less thing to worry about. Sometimes i think i try to solve all of her problems, when i really shouldnt. she is a great mother and wife, but she does need an education.

Answer 1

It sounds like this is all a BIGGGG STEP for her, and sometimes you can overthink, also easy when you finally GET what you WANT to realize you have had too many expectations, imagined it to be something it does not appear to be at the first step into *reality*.......

I suggest you try to find support groups or at least a counselor who deals with this type of issue, she might start by discussing what is REALLLLY WRONG with her student advisor (mine were ____ tho, sometimes they are, so don't be surprised if she is not impressed by a talk with someone who shows no respect for her or her attempts to better herself).

Remind her that ALL students have an adjustment period that CAN be QUITE UNpleasant, and just ask her to try to stick it out a bit longer.

For a better understanding of the issue, try reading

http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ovae/pi/cclo/reten.html

Or you can find additional resources on the topic by doing a SEARCH there in the sidebar of that page using the search term

return to college

or another of your choosing. :)

If you DO get it TOTALLY boiled down and it IS in fact a MONEY issue (or to dodge that point if you truly believe it is an EXCUSE for other issues), check out the following resources:

Financial aid

http://www.ed.gov/finaid/landing.jhtml?src=rt

Outright grants

http://www.grants.gov/

Also, call your local Chamber of Commerce to see if they are aware of local organizations providing assistance to students in your daughter's situation, and contact the school directly to be sure she is in fact aware of and receiving ALL of THEIR assistance that is available to HER (MANY schools have incubator daycares where their Education students hone their skills, her school might offer such a program).

Ultimately, though, the same rule applies for HER as for the High Schoolers:

STAY IN SCHOOL! :D

Best wishes!

Answer 2

For whatever reason, she doesn't want to go to school. The daycare thing is just another excuse. Too bad you can't get to the bottom of the real reason she doesn't want to go.
Perhaps if you introduce her to some women, or someone who would go along with it that now don't live very well due to dropping out of college. An education can be the difference between being able to afford things that make life livable later. The statistics say she or any woman will end up divorced with children and living in poverty. Its not much fun, not being able to afford a dentist or gas for heat or decent food. Stress that you won't always be there to help her, have a heart to heart talk with her and see what is at the bottom of this. Its usually drugs or a man. Either of which take away your motivation . Usually the man promises he will be there forever and give you a good life ,that you don't have to worry about it. Or maybe she just needs a break, but most likely if she leaves even for awhile she will not return. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Well it may be case of child separation. Being in school and away from her daughter so much may have made her freak out a little. Is she used to having to be away from her daughter so much? Or maybe she just feels overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of school, being a mother and wife all at the same time. Where is the father? Could he be helping her more in some way? I'm only 20, but i grew up with my mom being an at home child care provider and have seen this situation on more than one occasion. Every new mother I ever met during that time went through a severe case of child separation anxiety. Every morning for about a month, they would get teary-eyed or just flat out cry every time the dropped their baby off for daycare. It passes and if they trust the baby sitter, it passes even faster. Although that may be not be her problem. this is just a suggestion. I hope you guys figure it out! Good Luck!

Answer 4

She may be overcome by the pressures of life. Caring for a young child, husband and school work may be a little too much for her at this time. You see, she was excited to be starting college and wanting to improve her life. But, she also wants to care for her child properly and take care of her home. Going back to school is a hard thing to do. You have to discipline yourself again to study and do the school work, which may be overwhelming because at first, it may all be over your head. When things are difficult for you and you see all those younger people getting it so well, you believe you have made a mistake and do not have what it takes. It is wonderful that you want to help your daughter out. She may see this, daycare, as an "out" to starting school at this time. It would be great if she can get over the hurdle of learning to learn again in a school setting and better her life. But, I believe, what ever her decision, you will love her either way, as you have said. Good Luck!

Answer 5

It sounds like a tough situation. From my experience, you can't force someone to go to college. Maybe it's not the right time for her...maybe she feels she should focus on being a mom right now. An education is very important, especially in the times we live in, so why not suggest a trade school? For example, she can go to a 1-2 year school and get a degree in nursing, cosmetology, etc. PLUS a lot of these schools offer on-site daycare...something to think about.

Answer 6

i think you are onto something... perhaps she's not ready for school. she probably sees school as something more than a daycare bill... it probably represents an inability to have a job... and all of the studying could represent less time with her family... she could also be having guilt about leaving her daughter in daycare... or perhaps she doesn't like the daycare she has to leave the child at! or... in my case when i was a young mom and wife... my husband didn't like me to go because i was meeting new people and hanging out with people my age (he was 5 years older than me). i think you need to sit down with your daughter and find out what is really at the root of this. i would start the conversation without any anger... just show concern. ask her what her plans are if she drops out of school. her answer may shed some light on the problem! what ever you do, don't try to convince her that she NEEDS to go to school. don't tell her you're disappointed. don't tell her you want her to make something of herself. as hard as this one is mom, let her make an adult decision but remind her that if she is in school on a Pell Grant that she should finish this semester with excellent grades in order to ever be given that opportunity again at a future date... tell your daughter that you understand that the timing may just not be right for her right now, but that things change as the years go by! you sound like a wonderfully caring mother/ grandmother i'm proud of YOU!

Answer 7

Dont worry about it, daycare probably isnt the only issue. she probably has some conflicts to work out with herself. if she really wants to go to school, she will probably take the money. So let her do what she wants for now, when the time comes she'll decide what to do. i know you want her to get a good education, and there is a good chance she will, but now may not be the right time. Let her decide for herself and relax. but also let her know that you are there for her if she wants to talk and you will support her no matter what her choice

Answer 8

I am trying to get my masters as a wife and mom of 3, with financial tightness all around. I can understand your daughter's feeling. It is call OVERWHELMED. You start classes and they demand papers, work and time. Then you get home to the kids and household duties and the bills sitting on the counter, I also work Full Time. It is ALOT.
If she is saying no to $, it may just be more than the money. My mom and dad want to help me too and all I do is let my mom watch my son when I really need her to, otherwise my husband changes his schedule so we deter the daycare cost. Maybe she needs to lessen her classes to 1-2 and do it part time. It is less stress in all directions and gets done if she wants to.
As for trying to solve her problems. She is married and a mom, maybe she just wants to figure it out herself. My mom does the same thing and I try to keep her at an arms length cuz then she gets stressed over my stress. Maybe you and my mom need to sit over tea and discuss us. : ) Let her figure it out with a few helpful suggestions from you and a reminder anything you can do to let you know.

Answer 9

As your daughter is a grown married woman with a child, it is her decision to make. It is fantastic that you are so supportive of her continuing education, but it could be she just wants to focus more on her family and raising her child right now. That does not mean she doesn't want to continue her education; she may just want to delay it until your grandaughter is older and needs her less (which happens all too soon) and she will feel more free to focus on her studies. Probably the best thing to do is to keep the offer open and when she is ready, she will take you up on it.

Answer 10

Let her know that your offer still stands and maybe this will sound wierd because you are her mother but tell her that later on you all can work out a payment plan for her owing you money but more than likely if there is not some underlying problem of why she does not want to go to school then she probally feels like she is an adult now and now she needs to stand on her own