My Dad all of a sudden wants to start acting like a REAL Father, should I give him a clean slate?

Answer 1

Not a clean slate, but a fair chance. It's impossible to just "forget" the things others, especially parents, have done that hurt us. It might be worth a shot as long as it's healthy for you and he can respect your boundaries. All the best to you. I hope it works out the way you hope.

Answer 2

It's never good to hold grudges... I have similar problems with my dad. I think you should give him another chance. A father is an important person and you might miss out on something great if you sever all ties. The fact that he is putting in effort, even if it is long overdue, shows that you mean a lot to him. Never give up on your family. As for the clean slate... talk about how he has made you feel and tell him you have your doubts. Be open, honest and communicate. It may be worth the hard work.

Answer 3

I feel that is up to you, do you think he deserves a clean slate? Depending on the past you may or may not want to give him a chance. As a 50 year old man, father of three, it was hard at times with my daughters. It is very hard to be a good parent for them when you are working, traveling, and trying to provide for them as well as their mother. As they get older, your position in life improves and you have more time. Then you start thinking more along the lines of opening up lines of communications with your children. However, it then becomes hard of the kids with this sudden change of personality from the parent. In my case there was no way to provide funds for my oldest daughter to go to collage, however, it was easy for my second daughter as I had improved my finances. Basicly what I am saying is look at what has changed in your father's life and try to see why the sudden change and then make up you mind.

Answer 4

Yes and no! Don't only give him the chance, give yourself the chance to rebuild a relationship with him as well. Sometimes life and circumstances mean that fathers/mothers go away but it doesn't mean that they stop loving you. Your father may have been worse father of the year for many years but you don't really know what brought it on. So give him this chance. Do not hope for too much though ... And do not expect too much either. you both need to take it a day at a time as it is going to be hard for both of you.

I'm speaking from personal experience ... My father became a stranger after my parents divorced and it took 20 years to rebuild our relationship (And when you know that by the time it happened my son was 20) .... you can imagine what it was like.

Best advice i can give you is not to expect too much too soon and allow each other to say exactly how you felt, do not rush to blame/criticise, simply take your time. It worked with my father and I'm so glad we now have a good relationship. yes it's very late! I missed out throughout my teenage years, the marriage and babies bit but i now enjoy our new relationship so much that it was worth it.

Good luck! I do Hope things work out for you as they did for me!!!

Answer 5

How does a real father act? Give him a shot. The slate isn't clean, but people can change. You have a lot to gain, and very little to lose.

Answer 6

Answer #38.

I'm #38 and age 38. I've been estranged from my father for over 20 years, until just last December. Was it worth it? I don't know.

It was worth it until the last year, for sure. But then again, he was never available, never made a call, never sent a letter. Now I'm older and we've both had literally decades to grow up.

IF your father is really ready to be a REAL father, the REAL question is are you ready to accept a REAL father? How sincere is he? How ready for risk are you?

If he is not sincere or you are not willing to risk your emotions, then the answer is NO. It is not time for you.

If the answer is yes to BOTH questions, then I encourage you to heal this realtionship now and not wait 20 years. People can change, but BOTH people have to change. He has to make a true effort not to hurt you and you have to make a effort to forgive and trust again.

Good luck to you, my friend.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are still under age 20? at least? He probably knows you need to have a lot of good experiences with him before you will really trust him. Trust is earned.
That said, I hope you give him a chance, because for a lot of us life is a new lesson everyday, and there are a lot of years (hopefully) ahead of the two of you. Most likely the two of you are going to spend a lot more years relating as adults, even though it's a child-parent relationship, than you will spend relating to him as a child, i.e., not that many birthdays yet. All that you experience, good and bad, will hopefully make you a wonderful parent, if you are so blessed as to have that opportunity.

Answer 8

It's totally up to you. Don't let him talk you into doing something you don't want to do. If you do decide to start a relationship with him, maybe tell him you want to start very slow. Like talking for a short amount of time on the phone once or twice a week for a few months (or how often and however long you are comfortable with). After you get to feel comfortable talking on the phone to him then meet somewhere but take someone who you trust with you. Just take it slow with him and I would suggest that you guard your heart with him until he proves that he is going to stay around this time. I hope all turns out well for you...Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

I think you should do what you're comfortable with. Develop the relationship slowly. Remain in as much control as you can and set boundries that you are comfortable with. That's what's important.
I think you should remain open to any possiblities, maybe this could be the beginning of something really good for you both. But there are no garuntees and as someone who as been in this situation, and often, my father goes through spurts of being fatherly, I recommend not depending on this for anything. Be open to it and accept it but try not to become too dependant on the idea.
Your life is good without him and could be just as good with him if not better. But it is not over if theis doesn't work out is a good approach to take with this type of situation.

Answer 10

i don't know what happened in the past that makes you feel that your father wants to start acting like a "real dad". but i can tell you this, if you do not at least give yourselves the opportunity to start with a clean slate, before you know it, he will no longer be a living soul. can you forgive yourself if you don't at least try?