Age appropriate?

Question

Is it normal for a 4 year old to not be able to do ANYTHING for or by himself? He can't get himself dressed, put on his own socks or shoes. He needs help doing everything! Is this normal?

He is my stepson. I have 2 children of my own and I know that by the time their were 4 they were doing all the things I mentioned above if not sooner than 4. He is my husbands first and my husband sees nothing wrong!

Answer 1

Is he unable to do these things because he is overhelped ? (Mother does everything for him?) Or Does he seem to have delays in other areas such as speech, vocabulary, gross motor (climbing, swinging, running , jumping), social skills with peers, behavior problems (not all of these, but some of these). He should be evaluated by the local agency that screens children for developmental delay. If he goes to daycare or preschool, his teacher or the director may point you in the right direction to get him evaluated. If he is delayed (and it sounds like he is in the area of adaptive behavior/daily living skills), he can qualify for free preschool and get therapy such as occupational therapy to develop the ability to button, zip, etc and physical therapy if he had trouble riding a bike, running, jumping etc.

Answer 2

No it's not. Either he's spoiled, hasn 't been encouraged to do things by being taught how to do it, or has a disability.

Have him eval'd at his physical, bring it to the doctor's attention, chances are there might be other things found wrong with him. If your pediatrician thinks so - doc should be able to recommend a place or person to seek help from.

Granted, my 4 yr old swears "his legs are broken" when it's time for a bath, but will get dressed on his own in less than 3 minutes, complete with shoes if I tell him we're going shopping.

Answer 3

My oldest is 5 and I still get him dressed sometimes. Not that he doesn't know how, its just easier for me to do it and it gets us out the door faster. When he was 4 he would struggle sometimes to get himself dressed. Socks were very hard for him, and he would always end up getting his head in the arm hole of his shirt so I think he would get discouraged. When I would lay his clothes out for him to get dressed he would want my help. It seems the more I made a big deal of it the more he wouldn't want to get himself dressed, so I started laying his clothes out and telling him if he needed my help I would be in the next room. With a little time and showing him easier ways to get socks on and shirts he started dressing himself. When he first got his socks on all by himself I clapped and told him what a big boy he was. Kids look for a reaction, good or bad, and if you make less of a big deal when he doesn't get himself dressed and more of a big deal when he does then he should start getting himself dressed just to see you get all excited. Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 4

Each child is different. My youngest insisted on doing everything by himself from when he was two. Now at four he even taught himself how to read and write the whole alphabet- I am just encouraging and assisting here and there. My older son had hard time putting on his socks and shoes at 5 years of age. Do not put your son down- ever...instead pay close attention and catch him when he is doing something by himself..then praise him lavishly.

Answer 5

Try making it into a game. Time him. Ask him if he can get his socks on before the kitchen timer goes off. Praise him when he does. Sing a song about dressing. It sounds like he is just being a little lazy. Some kids like to be independent and some have to be pushed a little. Don't worry, he'll get there soon enough.

Answer 6

work with him harder, it is possible because of the broken family he may act like he cant as a way in getting his fathers attention. I am a child of divorced parents and i can still remember askng this I already knew the question to just so have some conversation with my dad that I barely got to see. He may also have some underlying issue from the stress of change. let him know that you and his dad are always there for him to help him but you want him to start being a big boy so he can help his brothers and sisters learn like him

Answer 7

Is he able to feed himself without making a mess? Does he fumble glasses/cups? Will he/can he do *interesting* tasks comparable to other children his age like build a tower or a castle out of blocks and how sophisticated are his designs compared to others? Does he appear to learn better ways of building with blocks/etc based on seeing the designs and constructions of others? Does he draw? To what level of competency compared to others his age? Can he fill in a simple cartoon with colors without 'spilling' the colors too far outside the lines?

Answer 8

sometimes my son won't do anything for himself I am at times over controlling so i understand it is his way of having some control. at 4 boys especially often still need lots of help when you say he can't do anything do you mean anything at all or just these types of things? Do you encourage him positively? there may be a developmental issue, but if his speech and other skills are up to par i would not worry.

Answer 9

Not normal, but it is definately learnt behaviour. If this child does nothing for himself then he has probably had everything done for him. If his father continues to allow this, he will grow up to be incompetent - not to mention a handful of a teenager!

Good luck!

Answer 10

Depends how he was raised. If he was brought up a little spoiled he might have trouble doing things for himself tell later on . Or maybe he needs to be told hes doing good then he will want to do it himself.