Make my day! Tell me something funny or silly!?

Answer 1

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.



My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.


My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.


It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.


My fuel rate burns inefficiently.


But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, co! ugh or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

Answer 2

Life's Questions:

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it
was to set it to?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a
plane crash, why isn't the whole plane made of that stuff?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a "s" in it?

Answer 3

Yesterday my wife had me pack up the van to go to the lake with the kids. We arrived way too early at 8AM to "to get a good spot." Everyone had fun until about 3PM when we heard lightning in the distance. It started out as a light misting of rain that promised to be over in a few minutes and grew slowly into a huge torrent of rain that lasted four hours. We waited for a while but eventually gave up and by the time the van was reloaded, nothing was dry, everyone was wet, cold, and miserable we got home and everyone crashed except me - I had to stay awake in case one of the kids woke up. The rain cleared up and we found out that the fireworks were still on. Sun-burnt but finally dry, we got back in the van to find a lot of traffic - we could not even get to the lake now. We pulled over and watched the fireworks from the side of the road, which is nothing like seeing them overhead from the side of the lake. At least getting home was a little faster.

True story from yesterday

Answer 4

What happens when people of different occupations get old.

- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.

- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.

- Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.

- Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.



If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.



Ways to add confusion to dining halls

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.

2. Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.

3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.

4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"

5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.

6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch them and proceed to make this meal yourself.

7. After finishing your meal, look at your brand of china. Proceed to look at everyone else's, regardless of whether they're finished eating or not. Complain how the school is too cheap to buy some real Wedgewood china. Then dump your dishes and waste food in the trash and explain how it would be cheaper to buy new dishes than to wash the old ones.

8. During the meal, start a conversation about the innocence of Jeffrey Dahmer. Then look at everybody's limbs with a marked amount of interest. Then "involuntarily" drool.

9. Stand in line for the food. After getting your food, smear it over your clothes and return to the end of the line. Repeat.

10. Complain how cold it is in the dining hall--to every person in the dining hall.

Answer 5

Ok, I don't know if you are a fan of The Blue Collar Comedy Tour or not but here goes(this actualy happened to me),

It was the last night on this job before we moved on to our next job in the next city, Boss says to me, " Go get the vacuum and vacuum the carpet." I say, " Yessir." As I carry the vacuum to the front to start, this guy says to me, " You gettin ready to vacuum the carpet?" And I couldn't resist the temptation, I replied, " Nope, its the latest thing, the amazing new "electric pogo stick", I'm gonna go try it out! Its a whole new way to travel!"

""""HERE'S YOUR SIGN""""""

Answer 6

I want you! want to turn your head. Take you to bed so that you feel hot, shaky for a whole week. Your sincerely FLU

I'll come to you tonight, get under your blanket, find the most juicy part of you. Will lick it the whole night. YOURS MOSQUITO

Oh God! how you hold me in your hands, I feel cool. At least put me on your bed or may be on the table. That could have been super. YOUR MOBILE PHONE

Answer 7

Silly Quotes

"Treat me like an angel and I'll be your lil' devil."

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Answer 8

Here's a link to some pictures of some weirdos:

http://funnies.com/freaks.htm

Answer 9

Star Jones don't know her husband has an alteritive life style

Answer 10

if i were to make a list of impossible things that could never happen, seeing that user "smiley" with a frown would be right at the top.




AHAHAHA! this answers lame!