Well we had a good first date, he paid for the meal so i invited him out to say thank you for a second date. he said yes and we were due to go on date 2. i then texted him last week to see what days he could make and he replied on wednesday of last week that he did not know what days he could make yet as he started a new job and it was going horribly wrong and he was not happy. i replied that it was not a problem and it is now a week later and i have not heard from him. What to do? Shall i text again ? Shall I wait? I do think he is interested in me or at least being friends so his silence does baffle me somewhat. Is it possible work is really bad and he is just to busy or is it more likely that he is giving me the brush off in which case why 1) cant we just be friends we have mutual friends and we havent even kissed so no awkwardness or 2) did he say yes to the 2nd date in the first place if he didnt want to see me again. im so confused. advice please??
2006-07-04 23:20:21 · 15 answers · asked by confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He could be very busy, men and lads usaully are try ringing him maybe he just forgot!
2006-07-04 23:22:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
seems that there are many possibilities.
however, ultimately, regardless of however many speculations one may have, the only way to find out is to contact him again. no need to overtly act over-eager, but, at the same time, no need to play games about whether or not to act casual, etc. just call, and breezily ask him out for (perhaps an impromptu) coffee or something light, which may not involve heavy preparation/commitment. if he wants to meet, he'll find a way.
now, back to possibilities:
one. he likes you, but, for whatever reason, he hasn't had the opportunity to follow up. you yourself stated that he was at a new job, AND that it was going poorly. Most of us live from paycheck to paycheck, and a job not going well, especially a new one, could be an all-encompassing source of stress. Could be the illness of death of someone close. Perhaps his dog is having bowel problems.
again, the point is, call, and talk. light, breezy. perhaps, again, meet for a drink.
two. he likes you, but "not in that way." if so, he may have concluded that there would be no point to pursuing a relationship of no romantic likelihood when such was precisely what he was seeking.
three, he may be at a point in his life where he is mentally so disorganized or ill-prepared that, while he, as everyone does, requires the occasional companionship (date, conversation, whatever), he doesn't currently possess the wherewithall to maintain a romantic relationship, and, hence, isn't, or is unable to.
again, there are a myriad of possibilities, all of which, unverified as they are at this point, are nothing but conjecture.
to answer your questions specifically, pertaining to a possible "brush-off":
1) see "two," above. many people, probably most, do not tend to go out of their way to pursue a "friendship" with someone of the opposite sex (assuming, of course, heterosexuality) if they are not romantically interested (probably yourself included, in most cases), especially if they are actively seeking a romantic relationship.
2) people agree with no intent to follow-up for various reasons. didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. didn't want an awkward situation. didn't know how to say no. etc., etc. not saying any of these are justifiable, just that they happen all the time.
anyway, getting back to the point, obviously, you are interested, so call him. ask him out. light. simple. no need for an inquisition about this matter. don't worry about "losing the upper hand," by you, a woman, asking him, a man, out. the worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out, and you may feel crappy for a few days. more likely, it'll work out.
2006-07-05 07:04:51 · answer #2 · answered by festivus_for_the_restovus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it time. It's quite possible that he IS having a really stressful time with starting a new job, as it can be a big thing. Just send him a little text asking how the jobs going. He knows you've asked him out again and, if he wants to, he will contact you about it. If he doesn't, just texting to ask about the job is what a friend would do afterall.
2006-07-05 06:28:53 · answer #3 · answered by Amanda C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say call him in a few days after giving him space. Texting is so impersonal and I hate the way relationships are going these days where it all depends if you get a reply or not and even if you do it all comes down to interpretation. A good old fashioned phone call is the way to go.
2006-07-05 06:46:32 · answer #4 · answered by trigger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give the man some time. hes going through stuff(or so he has said), so give him time to work it out. txt him if you want. but dont badger him about this date. just say hey, ask how its going.. if he doesnt bring up the date after a while, then you bring it up(only if you are still interested that is...oh, and if you think he is too i guess) you need to give him some time to miss you. i think thats the problem... girls are getting needier and needier(but im one of them too... so no insults). I find it easier to just forget about it. say hi, say how are you.. if conversation arises.. then yay, if not.. then start another one next week. just give him some time to actually miss you. if he's busy, then he'll call you when he isnt. if you ABSOLUTLEY cant wait.. then like i said before... call or txt him. no harm done. just DONT be one of those girls who constantly try to be in some form of communication with a guy.
dunno if i helped. im quite tired. anywhooo.. good luck
=D
2006-07-05 06:29:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anna.R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I work a 65 - 70 hour week which leaves me little time for relationships..give him a call but he may be stressed out and the last thing on his mind is a date or lady.
But give him time and room to breath and it may work out ok in time.
2006-07-05 06:25:46 · answer #6 · answered by bigpete767 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No no no no no! Do nothing! If you look too keen it'll just put him off. Wait for him to contact you - and if he doesn't, then you have your answer, don't you?
I know this isn't what you want to hear but have some pride and DON'T TEXT HIM!!!
2006-07-05 06:49:18 · answer #7 · answered by Away With The Fairies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong just sound like he is not interested. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong, just not a match. Don't worry about it and go find someone else.
2006-07-05 06:33:09 · answer #8 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down, he's probably stressed out with his job. Just wait a little longer.
If you still don't hear from him try someone else.
2006-07-05 06:24:13 · answer #9 · answered by Clint 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should give him a little space for a bit, i think its clear he likes you its just a new job can be v. stressful. boys love there space n he might even like you more for giving him that.
in the meantime dont put yourself on the shelf..
2006-07-05 06:34:34 · answer #10 · answered by bubblegumgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
am sure his job is taking alot out of him, give him time to be able to adjust to the demand of his new job, but in the mean time it doesnt stop you from texting him and asking him how he is...etc....relax and dont fret
2006-07-05 06:28:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋