Am I wrong to be angry?

Question

My stepdaughter moved in with her three teenage children, dog, and cat with my husband's OK. She did not attempt to discuss anything with me or say thank you for opening your home. I told my husband that it was extremely rude and he thinks I am over-reacting. Sh refuses to apologize to me.

Answer 1

you have every right to angry, you now have no personal space to relax in

Answer 2

You are not wrong to be angry. She should be thankful that you are "allowing" her to stay in your home. I mean, you would've allowed her had she asked, right?

Anyway, if your relationship with her is not completely friendly, then she might be resentful at the fact that she has to move in with you, because she is showing she can't make it on her own for whatever reason and the last thing she wants is to tell her "Evil Stepmother." She probably feels like she doesn't have to tell you, since she got the OK from her father. I would be upset too, you know?

Ok, did your husband discuss this with you before telling her she could move in with you or did he just make the decision without discussing it with you and then dropped the news on you, like it was no big deal? If that's what happened, then your husband is more to blame than your stepdaughter. He should have discussed it with you and gotten your opinion before making such a big decision, but if you guys don't get along, maybe he was just trying to save himself a headache.

Please understand that even though you have all the right to be upset, that this is your husband's daughter and that he can't turn her away. Forget about the fact that she won't apologize to you and try to make the best of it for however long you'll have a full house. If you continue to think that she never apologized and the whole situation is messed up, then you might make things worse by making your living situation a hostile environment. You probably already made your point to both of them, so now just make a few rules and I'm sure you'll be fine.

Good luck and I hope that things turn out better for you!

Answer 3

First did your husband discuss this with you? If he did not then that is the real issue. If the stepdaughter didnt discuss it with you but he did then it was a joint decision and while she is rude to not thank you I fear you must accept he raised an ungrateful brat. If he did not discuss this with you there are SERIOUS problems in your relationship that need to be ironed out. I recommend a cooling off period and setting up some ground rules quick so no ones toes are trodden upon further

Answer 4

Hell yes, you should be a mad ***** about it. And, o my god, mad deal. Damn. Now you need to play the cards that the dealer(HUBBY) gave you. I would take the dinner time with everyone present. Tell them they can speak when your done. Voice your thoughts about not having been asked. then let them know that unconditional love is within. You have not got a problem with them being there. But there are going to be rules. And these rules need to be followed or out the door they go. You may have stiff rules, but compromise and come to an agreement without causing hardship. You maybe asked to follow some rules too. Don't be difficult. Keep it real. And good luck!

Answer 5

You are right to be angry. I think you should quietly tell your husband how hurt
(I think you have more hurt than anger
about this toward him) you are over all this.
He needs to speak to his daughter and she
needs to give you some respect. Kill her
with a smile and you work toward getting
her, the kids and the pets out. This is your
home too now. Your husband needs to
respect that. Good luck. You can do this.

Answer 6

You have the right to be angry. Since it was your home too you should have been consulted before any decision was made to allow her to move in. Both your husband and step daughter owe you an apology.

Answer 7

Your home is YOUR home and hubby should have discussed the situation with you before inviting the brood into YOUR home. Don't expect an apology. She's taking advantage of you and your husband, and you two need to work it out. Then tell hubby to brush up his balls and tell the daughter to get herself another place to live.

Answer 8

It all depends on how long you've been married. If that house is the one she grew up in with her father and original mother then she may feel resentment for you being there and may not feel that she needed to discuss it with you. She might see you as the intruder and not herself.

Coming from a home sort of like your own, I don't think I would discuss it with my stepmother if I had to move in with my dad, either. Sorry :(

Answer 9

You have all the right in the world to get angry. Your husband and your stepdaughter should have ask you first if they respected you.

Answer 10

You're not 'wrong' to be angry.

But maybe she assumed that your husband's OK meant your OK.

And did your husband discuss with you? If no, then you ought to be more angry with your husband than her.

As I see it, she didn't have to 'apologize' because she didn't do anything 'wrong'. But of course, she could have been more grateful, but you know, some kids just have the sense of entitlement that their parents ought to fend for them for their whole lives.

Answer 11

You have every right to be angry, but I wouldn't hold my breath for the apology. She's viewing this as "it's my daddy'd house and he says it's ok". She doesn't care what you have to say about it. Your main issue is with your husband for allowing such a drastic move without consulting you.