VERY serious question- LONG?

Question

Sorry if i asked this before, this time im giving a bit more detail...

Ask yourself what love is. I mean everyone has their definition right? Love is like happy, and warm, but it can also mean being alone. See I've loved this girl for seven years now, even though we've never dated, the the last 6 years before valentines day was probably the harsest for me. I was the Typical high school student in love and stuff, head of heals for a girl, that pretty much thought i was a total weirdo. Anyways, after all the cold hearted moments, there was a secret that she couldnt tell anyone about. She went to me, one day ( it was actually ON valentines day couinsdentially) She asked to talk to me. I was just as surpised as she was when she came up to me. And yeah of coarse agreed to her. I waited anxiously for her to get out of her 8th period class, and as she called me over to her, its like ribs couldnt keep my heart inside anymore! Anyways,

She tells me few petty problems, her metabolism ( shes a little small) and some scalp problem that im still helping her with today- And then she pulls out this im not into boys thing. I was shocked. Wait wait wait, that means shes lesbian? but she assures me that it probably is a phase, and it will pass. So i didnt think much of it. Oh yeah, and i managed to pull off her number and AIM SN to that day. Which generally made me happy.

And yeah, i call her that day, and we talked for about 5 hrs. and then the next for about 4, just talking about how certain times how we felt toward eachother, like when i make moves on her that tottaly went wrong, and what she was thinking at the time. It was very interesting! ^_^. But yeah, then her bill started rising as did mine, so we resorted to only talking for about 30-45 minutes a day. And some days not. ( her ride home was quiet unreilable)

Anyways, I proceeded with helping the scalp problem as much as i could, running around town finding over the counter a.k.a. GNC treatments reccomended by a my dermatologist ( i asked him a few things for her, im only 17 for one) . And yeah, i managed to get her actually almost everything he told me. Not to long ago, i asked people on Yahoo! Awnsers with the same problem about treatments that could be done that way.

Dont ask beyond what im telling you please. It makes it easier ;D . So yeah im doing all this stuff for her, and of coarse its beacuse shes super important to me, annnnnnnd oneday-- she tells me shes renting movies. Annd the ones she particularly rents are Gay/Lesbian ones ( Brokeback, and some lesbian movie, i forgot) Of coarse it rang a bell to me. I just gave her to usualy elipsees, ( "..." ), she then tells me not to be surpised. And she tells me that she felt like she was different from start. I think she might be serious on this one.

So whats that mean to me? Well if she was lebian, and really not into guys, I am impossible. Becuase my figure, my hormones, the way i grow and what i have. Just my gender is a problem. This ofcoarse upseted me alot. It felt like a slap in the face, a really big insult. Like did i just waste 7 years on you? I did the stubborn thing when people tell me to give up and not doing it. I never really liked anyone else, it just felt wrong not having her out of my mind. So i felt like replacing her was out of the question.

Anyways, at this point, i have no idea what to do. I still love her very much. But i am still a little weezy on the whole gender thing. I have'nt really talked to her about the "us" thing much, but im sure its comming soon.

So yeah, after reading my situation, What do you think is best? Should i follow my heart and just spend my life trying to bring us together? Even with these circumstances? Should i continue even if it means being alone for the rest of my time living? So this is why i ask you do define love in the beginning. Love, is doing the impossible to make the possible right?

I just graduated high school- and i have many years ahead of me- Even though this might sound really cocky from someone this young- But I really really think i truely, and purely love this person.

And dont give me some bs awnser.. You read This much already.

Thanks..

Answer 1

The short answer: "God is Love".(1)

The slightly longer is answer is "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."(2)

And more detailed application of all that(3):

Love is when you have made all those little choices to 'love your neighbor as yourself', and all of a sudden after a while you find you've got a huge soft spot for her in your heart, and you suddenly notice she's attractive, and then...

Love is when you wait until you're ready for a permanent relationship before doing anything that will bind you together permanently.

Love is when you give for the joy of giving. Period.

Love is when you marry because you believe that there's something you will be able to do together, and maybe already are doing it, and you'll be able to do it better if you marry.

Love is when she's rejected your marriage proposal, you sometimes don't even dare dream of 'being with her' anymore - and you don't feel the need to 'make yourself move on'. You are happy with your life.

Love is when, when you're with her, you're so happy to be with the one you love that you forget the hard things she's said to you.

In other words, love is when she's in your heart, but you don't 'have to have her' - but neither do you 'have to move on'. You love her because you choose to.

Now, in your case, you have done some very practical things, helping her out with health problems and such, and talking with her about personal matters. You also have the opportunity to add to the definition of love that I started off with:

Love is when you are willing to 'look foolish' by continuing to love when the situation appears impossible - for what is impossible with man is possible with God.

So what I propose to do now is educate you a bit about homosexuality, so that you will, God willing, be able to help your friend with that too. First of all, be aware that until the matters I am going to discuss are dealt with, the last thing she needs is a guy coming on to her. It will only make it worse. So it's really important for her good as well as your spiritual welfare to keep your love pure.

Now: there's a lot of what some would call truth, some would call urban legend, and I would call folklore about homosexuality. The jury is still out as to whether it ever has any physiological basis. There have been documented physiological differences between gay and straight men. (I haven't heard of any such studies specifically concerning lesbians).

BUT, these studies do not control for when the differences appeared. So it is not known whether people are born with them, or whether they are a cause or an effect of homosexual activity, or perhaps even an effect of having died of AIDS (I have in mind in particular a study of men's brains, carried out on cadavers, where the representatives of the homosexual population were persons who had died of that particular disease). So, like I said, the jury is out there.

Sometimes homosexual people are able to identify some circumstances in their environment as they were growing up that had some influence on their sexuality - particularly in the case of women. But often there is no such factor discernible - their life was in every way like that of a well-adjusted heterosexual person.

Regardless of this: often those who are 'really gay' (as opposed to it being 'just a phase') report feeling this way ever since they were very young. This could either be an indicator that the younger you are when you become aware, the more likely it is that it isn't 'just a phase', or it could be an indicator that the younger we are when various things happen to us, the more of an effect they have on our lives.

To sum up: if someone was aware of homosexual desires, of 'being different' from a very young age (say, 5-6 years old, or even younger than that), or if the desires persist beyond adolescence, they probably will not go away.

So, the first question you will probably be asking right now is, can such a person ever acquire the ability to be attracted to an MOS? And the answer is that often this is possible. Many people have done it(4), and I even know some of them personally. But(5):

1. This cannot be the goal. It is a gift from God - and what if He is calling a person to be celibate? Is it necessary in such a situation to be sexually attracted to anyone at all?

2. If it does happen, it will only be after a certain period of living celibate. For much the same reasons that we all come into the world celibate: to give us the opportunity to get to know our bodies and learn how to make choices about what we do with them (before the hormones kick in).

So, yes it can happen. And if it does, then the person (e.g.your friend) can get married and satisfy her desires for her husband in a direct way.

Now, of course, there is the question of what the options are for the time when she does not have that ability (either temporarily or permanently).

Before I go any further: sex is something that produces a permanent bond between two people. If they break up afterward, then it's like they each leave a bit of themselves behind with the other person. So this is why sex should only happen when you intend to use it to create a permanent relationship.

I don't think it is an accident that all of the major religious traditions of the world teach basically the same thing about the nature of marriage; I am most familiar with Christian and Jewish teachings, so my comments will be based on the Scriptures from these traditions.

So, the Hebrew Bible (a.k.a. Old Testament) defines marriage ('man leaves father and mother, cleaves (i.e. makes permanent commitment) to his wife, and the two become one flesh')(6). For good measure, there are verses sprinkled through the Law (i.e. Torah - first five books of the Hebrew Bible) which, when taken together, cover all the possible partners we can have in bed, including ones that aren't even human. Only in the case of the spouse is it definitely OK(7).

Now, the so-called New Testament (uniquely Christian part of the Bible written originally (as far as we know) in Greek) comes at the issue from a different angle. Yes, there is a bit of an echo of the Old Testament thinking, in that a certain connection is drawn between homosexuality and idolatry(8).

You may hear these verses cited as evidence against *all* homosexuality, but I don't think this is in and of itself a good argument, because it is not *absolutely clear* from these verses alone whether the problem is just with homosexuality which is associated with pagan religious practices (e.g. temple prostitution), or whether homosexuality is in some way by nature idolatrous.

But in general, the New Testament firstly considers the nature of marriage, and then draws conclusions about our behavior from that. Now, a ‘definition of marriage’ appears in only two places in the New Testament(9). There, Jesus is discussing divorce. And basically, He says that the Hebrew Scriptures, the Law, allowed divorce on account of the hardness of human hearts, and comes down on the side of being idealistic—that we shouldn’t do that because ‘God didn’t intend things that way from the beginning.’

Now, He also does deal with the question that certain of His hearers no doubt were asking, namely, ‘OK, that’s very nice except I’m already divorced. What do I do now?’ And basically, He says that with the possible exception of where the relationship has been destroyed by adultery, we should not divorce, or at very least if we do, we shouldn’t remarry(10).

Now, what about the gender of the parties concerned? I think it would be legitimate to interpret the passage as saying that here too, we should be idealistic—that Jesus would say to marry an MOS. And I think that even most people who are attracted exclusively to MSS would agree with that—that this is "the ideal".

So, just as in the case of divorce, a certain question arises: "But the world isn’t ideal. What happens if I am not able to be attracted to an MOS?’ And I can see why one might say that then one should marry an MSS and fulfill all the other requirements of leaving, cleaving and weaving. I see two problems with this, however:

1) It assumes that the situation is irreversible. And as I have pointed out above, it is not necessarily. In principle, God can reverse it at any moment He chooses.

2) It really is possible to live happily as a single, celibate person. I mean, we only need to be attracted to that one special person, and if they haven’t come along yet, then the ability to be attracted isn’t needed. And besides, as I mentioned before, some people are just called to remain single.

The conclusion I myself draw from all of this is that there are basically two options: either marry an MOS, or remain single and celibate.

Now, as we know, the sex drive is very powerful, so that living successfully without direct expression of this drive will happen only if a person is 100% convinced it's the right thing to do, if it ties in with their deepest values, arises out of their relationship with God, etc.

See, lust is a form of greed - which is short for idolatry. It is also an embryonic form of adultery. In other words, stuff we should be prepared to go to great lengths to prevent from happening(11).

If we lust after anything (sex or anything else), we are putting it in the position of a god in our lives. We 'have to have it'. This applies to anything from out-and-out sinful activities, to flirting with sin, to lustful looking, to lustful thoughts.

So, what we need to do is occupy ourselves with doing the exact opposite of this:

Worship God - offer our bodies as a living sacrifice to Him(12)

Glorify Him and give thanks to Him(13).

To renew our strength, we need to put our hope in Him(14). We need to have our desires transformed so that we are delighting in God and His Word. Then what we do will prosper, our prayers will be heard, and our desires will be satisfied(15), for He is a God who delights to reveal Himself to us when we seek Him with our whole heart(16).

If we have made any mistakes in the past, we need to sit down and discuss these issues with God, put them behind us and start over with a clean slate(17). What is impossible with us, is possible with God(18). So we need to trust in what He has done for us(19).

Then we will indeed find a new heart(20), a new mind(21), a new life(22). Our life can become an example to others of God's ways in action(23). Our love for others will arise out of our love for God(24). Our faith will affect everything we do - what sort of company we keep, what we do with our bodies, what sorts of conversation we engage in, what sorts of books we read, what movies we watch, where and how we spend our time... We will live a life of gratitude to God(25).

If we do all of this, either we'll end up with the ability to have a beautiful marriage with an MOS, or we will have a beautiful, celibate life where we are able to love everyone equally without lusting after anyone. To my mind, that is a real win-win situation...

I would encourage you to share this material with your friend, maybe sort of prepare her for it first, introducing ideas one at a time and see how she 'digests' it, what opportunities for further conversation open up.

And when you share this material, let her know that this is more than just pretty words - I write this as a 42-year-old woman who is still living celibate, and while I've had my struggles over the years, it's been worth it. Now it really is just how I describe it...

The bottom line: Your friend can definitely live a happy life regardless of whether she does or doesn't acquire the ability to be with a man; while it is ultimately in God's hands whether she does, He absolutely is able to do it. At the end of the day, He knows the plans He has for her, plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her a hope and a future(26).

May God bless you and keep you

Answer 2

Oh sweetie, that's a real problem. But I think you should do what your heart says. Besides the heart that lets you live, but the heart that leads you down a path that is right for you. No one ever said you had to stop loving her. Your feeling are your feelings. there's no changing that. no matter how hard you try. Your love will go on for her. Lesbian or not. If love for people goes on after death then the same thing can apply in your situation. I'm tearing up just typing this. This is a true love story. You're the one she told b4 anyone else. She most really love you too. You are one in a million. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. That's a very unique quality to find in a person. Don't ever lose that. With all my heart, i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

w o w. err..you're so mature by the way for a 17 year old, hehe. Well, I dont know really..I've never been in love. but you sound like you totally love her. Although, you're still 17, yeah mature but..still 17.. you'll meet alot of people specially when you start college, if you keep your heart open and get her out of your mind for a while you might like somebody else who would be interested in you as well. How old is she btw? If she's like younger than the lesbian thing could just be a phase. I think most girls go through it.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Keep your eyes open. If someone is this much trouble, then its no really worth it. Sorry to say that, but if you waste too much time you will never find the person out there that was meant for you.

I got caught in the same situation (even though I'm 15 ) and basically got rejected by this girl I have been talking too for about a year. Then I got screwed.

Answer 5

Lay your feelings on the table, you need to know n she needs to tell you. you r obviously good friends so if she tells you she still feels she is into girls after you tell her ask her to kiss you just to get it out of your system - you never know she might find something out too - when you kiss her look into her eyes and kiss her softly - if she is trying to hide something she feels you will be able to tell from her kiss or the look in her eyes - ABOVE ALL ELSE reassure her that you will always be her friend no matter what (do this first before you lay your feelings out) Cause believe me its a male friend a girl will turn to when she really needs something

Answer 6

by reading your letter i understood that you loved her dearly . but you must understand that she is a lesbian. you will never be her lover. she kept you around as a 'public show". so nobody will discover her secret. this was wrong for her. you obviously love her but she will never feel attraction for you. you feel dishearted and you feel like the end of the world. hang on there. hang tight. move away from this girl. this is an impossible situation. this girl will never love you.dont hurt yourself by staying with her. respect your love, respect yourself...move on.you have a loving heart,patience and a lot of love...you just wasted it on the wrong person. you are young. you have atleast 7o more years ahed of you. dont you want to spend it with someone you really love? dont you want to be a father of a cute boy? dont you want to go home to a loving home and a big famly? you cant have these dreams with this lesbian.you need to find a girl who will love you back. you need to seek the person who will love you back. who will be with you in sickness and in health. who will go to the doctors for you. you need to find a person who will grow old with you. you are young,what happened to you was sad. keep your chin up. you are strong. get over this and find someone new. dont worry , a right match is waiting for you.
ps. i loved your poem here is one from me...
DEAR FRIEND
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH
THE NORTH WIND MIGHT BLOW YOUR SAILS AWAY
BUT STILL YOU HAVE A STURDY BOAT
FOLLOW THE BEACON OF HOPE
AND YOU WILL PASS THE TURBULENT SEAS OF DECEPTION.
THE EVIL SIRENS ARE ALLURING YOU
THEY WILL ENTICE YOU WITH THEIR MESMORIZING SONGS
PAY NO HEED TO THEM
CAUSE THEY WILL WANT YOUR SOUL, NOT YOUR HEART
MOVE AWAY FROM THE EVIL SIRENS
STEER YOUR BOAT TO THE LIGHT OF THE BECON
AND HAVE A STRONG HEART
THROUGH THE STORM YOU WILL RIDE
THROUGH THE RAIN YOU WILL PASS
YOUR STREANTH WILL BE DIMINISHED
BUT YOUR SPIRITS WILL BE HIGH
RIDE THE WAVES OF DECEPTION MY GOOD FRIEND
CAUSE A FAIR LASS WITH OPEN ARMS
IS WAITING FOR YOU
ON THE SUNNY SHORES OF LIFE.

Answer 7

after reading ur story i can say u 1 thing that u love her truly and purely..taking care of her emotions...asking ppl about ur problem will never solve ur problem..becoz different ppl..different opinion..i will just say u one thing weather u do it or not...live it likt that n pray to god to help u coz he is da only 1 which makes impossible possible...so trust ur god n he will surely help u..n kep continuing ur relationship dont live her...dont make her feel that she did a mistake felling in love k
dont worry
everything will be alright
n stop making fun of ur self by asking pplz opinion!on the net

Answer 8

dude that was the longest thing ive ever ever red omg.. anyways... like she told you, shes a lesbian, you were not going out for 7 or however many you were just friends... dont waste any more of your time on her, she will come to you if she wants you

Answer 9

find someone else. u might waste ur whole life on her. but u could confront her about it.

Answer 10

follow your heart and if you arent going to be with her then be friends and see what it leads to

Answer 11

too much to read