He is a very good kid most of the time and I love him to death! He's into sports, gets good grades, is popular and very outgoing. But now he's hitting the age where some attitude is kicking in (not with others, but with my husband and I). He argues about everything!!!!!! It's not necessarily nasty arguing, just annoying!! I know it's just his age, trying to grow up, wanting to be cool with his friends and all that, but it's making my husband and I nuts. It also causes fights with my husband when I try to defend some of his actions, etc.
I pray about this all the time, asking God for strength and wisdom. But I find myself frustrated with my son more and more. Any advice, especially from parents of older teens will be greatly appreciated.
2006-07-04 17:50:02 · 15 answers · asked by Mizzell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, my husband is not my son's real father but has been in our lives since he was 4. They get along pretty well but are completely opposite personality wise. The "you're not my dad" thing hasn't really come in to play (yet!). Real dad is in the picture, though not much help. He is not a Christian, smokes pot, and pretty much lives for himself not his children (two older half-sisters). I tell my son that he is the perfect example of how not to be and he agrees. (No I don't badmouth real dad, never did -- I knew my son would see him for what he is as he grew up)
I know why God makes babies so cute ... so we don't kill them when they hit this age!! LOL
I know parents all over the world go through the same thing. Just needed to vent and maybe hear some supportive words!
2006-07-04 18:28:25 · update #1
Teenage years are the treatment for the empty nest syndrome.
More seriously, your son is growing and is now at a point where his relationship with the world once again changes. It was one where he did a lot of following, now he has to do some leading. He is also subject to a lot of pressure from peers, school, family, etc, as well as a lot of expectations from each.
To top it off, his brain is being rewired, literally. It has to change from a child configuration to an adult configuration. A lot of what he did as a child isn't going to be valid soon. This includes being sensitive to other people, among other things.
If he didn't drive you nuts, then you would have something to worry about.
Instead of concentrating on his individual actions, work on his method of choosing the action. This is an important level up. Make sure he is making the right choices (let him make mistakes too, they are very important). Show him why you do one thing rather than another. Basically, you have to help him become an adult. This is a very different relationship than you had with him as a kid.
When your attitude changes, his will to. Ok. no miracles here, he'll still drive you nuts, but he'll also listen to you.
Give him choices, not the my way or the highway type, but real life choices with positive outcomes no matter which he choses. Which restuarant, what shoes, which movie, what phone plan, what car. These are real adult questions, let him try them out.
As he gets better at them (expect a few interesting results), move him up to harder choices.
Have faith in him. Most kids turn out quite well, even the ones who drive you crazy.
2006-07-04 18:05:36 · answer #1 · answered by drslowpoke 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL
Bless your heart. yes I would keep praying that you don't smack him.....
It's just that age. A stage he is going thur. He feels he's a adult probably plus all the other stuff the male body goes thur at that age. It's good your hubby is there. Just don't let him back talk you and when he does lower the boom on him. Since you are praying I guess you know you should respect your parents. He's living in your home and he's got to obey what you and your hubby tell him.
Other then that it's just a matter of time. A stage he will come out of it. He sounds like a great child! Just a stage.....
Just don't let him be disrespectful and things will work out.
I pray for you too. I know it's crazy. Good luck!
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2006-07-05 00:57:59 · answer #2 · answered by ▒Яenée▒ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to bust his a-ss and let him know that when he is living in your house he will respect the rules of the house and not talk back. If he cant listen to that, take his freedom, don't let him leave the house past 2100 or take his phone away whatever... Right now he thinks he is on top of the world and knows everything, you have to bring him back down to earth and let him know where he really stands in life. don't go off the wall and beat him up but you have to make sure he knows where "earth" is. The being hard on him will suck for a little while but you will be glad you did later!
2006-07-05 00:57:32 · answer #3 · answered by Jessie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine once screamed, "I HATE YOU!" at the top of her lungs.
I calmly looked her in the eye, and said, "I'm not here to be your friend. I'm here to be your Dad." I've never heard that from her again. That line will work in more than one instance, look for an opening.
As for your husband, if the "You're not my REAL Dad!" thing ever rears its ugly head, he can say, "It doesn't matter if I am or not. I'm the only adult in this room, and I'm married to your Mom. We have rules in this family, and if you don't follow them you answer to your Mom, or me. And I don't see your Mom in the room right now, so..."
Once you really know your children, it's easy to plan the script of the conversation. They are predictable, and it's not hard to guess how they'd respond to one thing or another. Have your responses planned out ahead of time, and you can steer the conversation in the way you'd like it to go.
2006-07-05 02:40:59 · answer #4 · answered by 42ITUS™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am a teen myself, and I can understand what you describe. I always wish my parents would just hear me out, and listen to my views and opinions. You don't have to agree with your son, but maybe if you could let him know his views are valued and important, it helps. Just having a genuine chance to speak his mind freely can make all the difference in the world. Good luck!
2006-07-05 01:01:54 · answer #5 · answered by question 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now, God is probably listening to every teen mom and dad on the planet. Violence will only make them retaliate more. Don't do that. Pray and do ase the one post said, remove yourself fromthe behavior and come back to it when both have calmed down.
2006-07-05 01:32:14 · answer #6 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you continue to look to God as the Highest Authority,
using His standards to guide your son, one day he'll thank you.
Prayer will get you thru these years... Don't give up
Soon you'll be praying about your grandchildren....
That's life
2006-07-05 01:22:04 · answer #7 · answered by Merry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've already answered your own question, dear......And believe me, as they get older, if you argue with them, they only get more defiant.....I tell my daughter (and have told her since she was 12) that I will discuss "whatever" with her when she decides to calm down.....I try to detach myself from the scene as soon as possible and we talk later...Good Luck dear....I know where you're coming from
2006-07-05 00:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by mizzzzthang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother is the same age and does the same thing!! I think it's their way of wanting attention!! I will pray for you too!!
2006-07-05 00:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by whateva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is reaching what I call the squirley puberty age. These things too shall pass.
Get even, and start videotaping him so you can show his crap to him when he really is grown up.
2006-07-05 01:00:25 · answer #10 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋