How do I discuss sex with my 6 year old?

Question

My 6 year old was caught allowing the 8 year old son of a family friend lick her vagina. She told me that his sister also licked her vagina before. These children have a very promiscuous mother who brings different men around her children, so I'm very concerned about these children. I told their mother what my daughter told me and she said she was going to talk to her children. She is also concerned that someone may have touched her daughter in an inappropriate way. I just don't know what to say to my daughter. I explained to her that it was wrong for anyone to touch, lick , or put things in or around her vagina, but I don't feel like that is enough. Please help me.

Answer 1

I don't know that there is anything else you can say to a six year old; you just have to keep reiterating that private parts are simply that; private. I don't think you should go into any great detail, yet.

Answer 2

I am taking a deep breath right now....I want to say this as softly as I can. Please, do not take anything I say in the wrong manor.

I would suggest that you bring your daughter into her doctor and have her "checked". If you daughter was subjected to this behavior there might of been other things done to her she is not telling you. I would also set up an appointment with a councilor. The councilor will be able to help you with your questions and concerns.

PLEASE, do not allow your daughter (or any other children you may have) to be around these kids.

I believe child services should be brought in on this family friend. An 8 year old boy is performing sexual acts! If he did this to your daughter, just think how many other little girls were subjected to this behavior.

Answer 3

Perhaps open the conversation with experiences of your own. Give her reasons why it's not good. Explain how it can make her feel. Getting started is the hard part but if you know how to communicate with your daughter, you should be fine. But then again, maybe six years old is too young to understand. Try again next year and the next until she gets a good grasp on the concept.

FYI, I see this happen all the time. It's normal, children are curious about their sexuality, it's a whole new world they've discovered. But it's good that you're concerned. Also, there is absolutely no reason to get the authorities involved without trying to deal with it on your own.

Answer 4

Wow....suddenly my 6 year old boy trying to kiss little girls is not such a big problem! You did exactly right talking to their mother, and I would keep my children in limited contact with them until you are satisfied that the situation has been resolved. I would especially not let them be together without being present.

However, I'll tell you what we told our son. We explained to him that everyone has private parts. Girls & boys have private parts between their legs, and girls have them on their chests, too. (we also had to explain what private meant). We told him that the only people who are allowed to see his private parts are Mommy & Daddy ('cause I still give him his bath). We also explained to him that certain ways of showing affection (our example being kissing) are not for him to use outside of our family until he is much older. He also needs to be respectful of people's space. Everyone has the right to a small amount of space around them. If you want to give someone a hug or kiss, you make sure it is okay with them first. If they say no or leave me alone, you have to respect their feelings.

We know that kids are going to be exposed to more than we will be able to filter out, and I talked to him about the fact that some things that men & women do together are only for when he is older and/or married. It's good to keep a positive bent on the conversation. Concentrate on ways to show affection or interact that ARE appropriate. Other than that, I don't think it's necessary to get detailed about it. There's only so much of that information they will be able to understand anyway, so just establish the boundaries. The reasons will wait until they are old enough to make sense of it. You can pretty much tell by the level of question they are able to ask you, as to how much of an answer to give.

Answer 5

I think first and most important is to tell her the 6 year old version of what sex is. The last thing you want is to embed in her that sex is wrong or evil. I would tell my daughter that little girls and boys aren't supposed to play with another kids vagina or penis. Those are private parts that no one should touch until you're grown up and in love with someone. Tell her that you're glad that she told you about someone else touching her. If anyone else ever tries to touch her in a way that she's not comfortable with, always tell Mommy and Daddy. When she gets big, you will talk about falling in love and having sex. Until then, let her know that it's her body and that no one is allowed to touch it.

Answer 6

Take the initiative
If your child hasn't started asking questions about sex, look for a good opportunity to bring it up. Say, for instance, the mother of an 8-year-old's best friend is pregnant. You can say, "Did you notice that David's mommy's tummy is getting bigger? That's because she's going to have a baby and she's carrying it inside her. Do you know how the baby got inside her?" then let the conversation move from there.

Talk about more than the "Birds and the Bees"
While children need to know the biological facts about sex, they also need to understand that sexual relationships involve caring, concern and responsibility. By discussing the emotional aspect of a sexual relationship with your child, she will be better informed to make decisions later on and to resist peer pressure. If your child is a pre-teen, you need to include some message about the responsibilities and consequences of sexual activity. Conversations with 11 and 12-year-olds, for example, should include talks about unwanted pregnancy and how they can protect themselves.

One aspect that many parents overlook when discussing sex with their child is dating. As opposed to movies, where two people meet and later end up in bed together, in real life there is time to get to know each other -- time to hold hands, go bowling, see a movie, or just talk. Children need to know that this is an important part of a caring relationship.

Give accurate, age-appropriate information
Talk about sex in a way that fits the age and stage of your child. If your 8-year-old asks why boys and girls change so much physically as they grow, you can say something like, "The body has special chemicals called hormones that tell it whether to become a boy or a girl. A boy has a penis and testicles, and when he grows older his voice gets lower and he gets more hair on his body. A girl has a vulva and vagina, and when she gets older she grows breasts and her hips grow rounder."

Anticipate the next stage of development
Children can get frightened and confused by the sudden changes their bodies begin to go through as they reach puberty. To help stop any anxiety, talk with your kids not only about their current stage of development but about the next stage, too. An 8-year-old girl is old enough to learn about menstruation, just as a boy that age is ready to learn how his body will change.

Communicate your values
It's our responsibility to let our children know our values about sex. Although they may not adopt these values as they mature, at least they'll be aware of them as they struggle to figure out how they feel and want to behave.

Talk with your child of the opposite sex
Some parents feel uncomfortable talking with their child about topics like sex if the youngster is of the opposite gender. While that's certainly understandable, don't let it become an excuse to close off conversation. If you're a single mother of a son, for example, you can turn to books to help guide you or ask your doctor for some advice on how to bring up the topic with your child. You could also recruit an uncle or other close male friend or relative to discuss the subject with your child, provided there is already good, open communication between them. If there are two parents in the household, it might feel less awkward to have the dad talk with the boy and the mom with the girl. That's not a hard and fast rule, though. If you're comfortable talking with either sons or daughters, go right ahead. Just make sure that gender differences don't make subjects like sex taboo.

Relax
Don't worry about knowing all the answers to your children's questions; what you know is a lot less important than how you respond. If you can convey the message that no subject, including sex, is forbidden in your home, you'll be doing just fine.

All the Best!!!

Answer 7

You have a right to be concern.There was a time parent talk to there child when they are preteen.Not anymore.You need to start talking to your child now and be straight forward about sex.This is not the time to be ashame about it.If your child don't learn from you,then the street will educate her about sex.Your child need to know the no no spot.Those kids sound like they been expose to sex.Now they had drag your child in some unhealthy act.These kids are more than promiscuous,they have been violated(molested).This is going to make you made.Your child have been molested by these kids.Your child should not be left alone with these kids.Your child doesn't need any contact with these kids.These kids need help.The only reason why these kids act it out because who ever did them,they felt like it ok to do someone else.Mom need to get help for her kids before it get out of control.Mom need to pay attention to her kids.The sign are there if she just look and be honest with herself.

Answer 8

As long as Ur child sees, that mommy is OK , she's not stressed, not nervous... it will be relaxed too. So stay cool.

my sister and me, decided once( we were 4 and 5) that all our body parts need to talk... we've spend a lot of time putting our arms, heads... and the !rest! of us, together, to let "them" talk. if any adult would have caughtt us while this game, definitely the interpretation would be wrong... in the case of Ur friend's kids, i guess they just caught once their mom, or got something in the TV, school,... i hope so...
my father is doc, so he had no problem, to explain us, where r babies from, and what is sex. we had lots of children books on that topic. Without going into details, kids do not need that, u can explain very simple what it's all about. Ur child won't be shocked, it's OK for kids, as long as they r not knowing unnecessary details.

Answer 9

For starts I think you should explain that people have no business touching, feeling, licking or being near her private parts of her body other than a doctor.... And then I think I would not be letting my child over to their house anymore and I would report the mother of the other children and have their home life investigated.... Evidentally their mother doesnt care for their safety - someone else will have to!

Answer 10

Something is going on for this child to be doing things like that. I would also fear that someone has tried to touch her or has....
I would tell the mother to tell her those are her private areas and not to be touched by anyone .Once she tells her that ask the child if anyone has touched her.
I would also tell them mom to take the child to the doctor. He will be able to tell if she has been hurt in anyway. Also she could have a infection and it is causing her to touch that area. Maybe from bubble baths....
The oral thing just tell her she shouldn't be doing that. It's not right.....
I have known kids to do that and they hadn't been touched. Just kids playing around. Probably something they heard from another child or on TV. You never know these days what they see on TV!
Good Luck
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Answer 11

What you have told your daughter is enough. She is only 6 years old and doesn't understand exactaly what has happened. I also suggest you notify the authorities because your child has been subjected to sexual abuse. Those other children have obviously been subjected to it as well and this is something that needs to be looked into before it escalates.