She likes to ask for other people's stuff and when I tell her she should not do that then she says well it's only (whatever it may be).Like it's just a minor thing. And I know darn well the person does not want to give it to her. (It makes for a very aquard moment!) But she does not understand that just because it's not important to her does not make it important to the other person and she should not ask for stuff that belongs to other people. I'm trying to get her to see that she does not have the right to judge the importance of things that belong to other people because it's not hers, it's theirs. Does this make sanse? I guess I am not wording it the right way for her to understand. Can you help???
2006-07-04 17:31:47 · 21 answers · asked by Sidereality 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This does makes sense. And I know that this is a struggle even adults (like my brother) have. They simply don't understand how important a specific item is to another person.
And there is two sides to this story. Maybe they are somewhat right in thinking an object is an object and shouldn't be so important to us. So many relationships/friendships are broken because one person feels their widget is more important than friendship. Just watch the court shows on T.V. and you see it all the time. So should people love their precious objects more than other people?
On the other hand, we work hard to earn those objects. When I was little, my parents stressed that nothing is free. And when I got older, I had countless fights with my brother who used to take my hard-earned music tapes and unisex clothing and I would never see them again or in their original condition. Then came the day he took my car without permission and crashed it minutes later. It took a long time to get over it and eventually I forgave him. He's never paid me back and I think, 'oh well! As long as he's still with us. That's the most important part."
But many people aren't as forgiving and I agree you must teach your child this now.
I think teaching her the value of a dollar will help. Give her little chores and pay her for them afterwards. A dollar or even less is sufficient. Then you can help tabulate this for her at the end of the month. Tell her what she has earned and what she and afford with it. Then when she tries her borrowing tactics again explain to her that the item she is trying to borrow would cost X dollars to replace if lost or broken. And that means she would have to do X more chores to pay for it. Or she can just save her money and buy her own later.
But don't be embarassed. When my friends and family with kids pull similar stunts, I laugh it off as the kid just being innocent and uneducated. And she will learn but give her time.
2006-07-04 17:50:27 · answer #1 · answered by NVgirl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is she a little spoiled? I don't know how to explain it best. I'm having close to the same problem. I have a ten year old son and all tho he doesn't do this to people he does act as tho his stuff is disposable. Between Grandma, Grandpa, Mom and Dad he knows he can get someone else to replace it for poor him. I think kids these days are just growing up with too much junk and don't appreciate stuff anymore.
My only suggestion is since she is ten she should be learning whats acceptable behavior even if you can't get the morals behind it through to her head yet. She should still understand that this isn't a good way to behave in public. And to respect other peoples stuff and wishes.
Good Luck
2006-07-05 00:40:46 · answer #2 · answered by gnomes31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that it WOULD matter to her if it was her stuff that other people were casual about taking. And if that doesn't work, you can put her off with something like, "It's rude to ask that, honey" or something and then talk about it later when you're at home. No need to make an awkward moment more so- you don't have to have the lesson right there, as long as you get to it, you know? Hope that helps some.
2006-07-05 00:37:59 · answer #3 · answered by Nettie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is 10 this is old enough to understand if you tell her not to do it then DON'T. If she does it again apologise to that person for her rude behaviour and give her a punishment. Sit down first and explain that this is how it is going to work...that this is not the way to act and If she continues this behaviour there will be consequences and tell her what they will be. No more chances and make sure you follow through with the punishment or she will learn nothing.
It is rude behaviour and you need to get on top of the problem
2006-07-05 06:38:07 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she does this you should say something to the person while your daughter is there like.....I'm sorry but my daughter has been told many times that asking for other peoples belongings is rude and impolite so please excuse her and then take her hand firmly and walk away. If she accepts something when you're not around I would make her go with you to return it saying the same thing. I would do it as many times as it takes to get through to her. Since you've already talked to her about this, now you have to take it to the next level. Most children hate to be embarrassed.
2006-07-05 00:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is simply immaturity. A lot of 10 year olds are like that. Ask her how she would feel if someone asked for her stuff all the time. Stuff she would not want to give away. She should start getting the idea that it isn't a polite thing to ask.
2006-07-05 00:38:50 · answer #6 · answered by songbird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you have raised a greedy self-centred sociopathic little brat. Every time she does this, you must punish her by taking away something she thinks is important to make her understand that she is being a bully to these other people when she asks, and demands their things. Take her to a therapist before she gets worse, and start makeing her responsible for her actions.
2006-07-05 00:38:20 · answer #7 · answered by judy_r8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tell my daughter that people have the item for a reason (they needed it, they wanted it, it was a gift, etc.) and the reason was not to give the item away (except in our case, it usually ends with "... not to be lost or broken"). Then I ask her how she would feel if someone took her favorite toy and did whatever she did to get in trouble. It usually works for a little while.
2006-07-05 00:54:03 · answer #8 · answered by Nobody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At ten years old, she is behaving like a six year old. I am positive that if you sit on the side of her bed and refuse to be interrupted by the phone or the Fire Alarm etc....and explain the whole thing - she is going to understand. At ten years old - she is almost a Teen and she must learn the social graces.
2006-07-05 02:38:30 · answer #9 · answered by fatsausage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Repetition...
And, turn the tables on her! What if someone wants HER things? She should understand that...
In order to avoid more awkward moments you should
make sure she gets the message~ that if someone wants
her to have something,she won't have to ask for it.
That' a No-No !
Be loving but firm, Mom...(give her a hug)
2006-07-05 00:44:22 · answer #10 · answered by Merry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋