wedding humour
2006-07-04 16:50:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What is the one food that decreases all women's sex drive?
Wedding cake.
2006-07-04 16:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by wilsonmatthewf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the one about the couple in the 1880s that were driving their buggy home after the wedding. Suddenly the horse stumbled and fell down. The man said, "That's once." They went along a little further and the horse fell again. The man said, "That's twice." Another mile or so, the horse falls again, the man gets out and shoots the horse. The new bride gets all over him about killing the horse, ranting and raving. The man stands there quietly until she's finished and then says, "That's once."
2006-07-04 23:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing
"wedding." The wedding vows went like this:
"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may
be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney
present. You may kiss the bride."
2006-07-04 23:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by Akeja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the story of the woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with jewels. Her explanation:
"If I die and my husband remarries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."
She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"My husband," she replied.
"I better get going," he said.
"Where was he?"
"Relax. He'll be late, he's playing poker with you."
Stewardess: I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in London.
Mr. Smith: Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".
The old man replied, "I thought so ... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window ... they're choking my ducks!"
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS" :
- The Engagement Ring
- The Wedding Ring
- The Suffer-Ring
- The Endue-Ring
Married life is full of excitement and frustration :
- In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
- In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
- In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
It's true that all men are born free and equal - but some of them get MARRIED!
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married.... and then it was too late!"
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied,
"Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm
still paying for it."
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives
and the wife takes.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was
a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear,
but I was in love and didn't notice it."
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job,
he still ends up with the same boss.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
"A young girl boards Flight BA3345 from Heathrow to New York and finds a seat in 1st class. As the Stewardesses check all the passengers, one Stewardess asks the young girl for her ticket. The young girl hand's over her ticket, to which the Stewardess replied:
"I'm sorry, but your are sat in the wrong seat" in a helpful manner.
""I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!"" replied the young girl.
The Stewardess was surprised at the young girl's answer, so she decided to call the Senior Steward.
The Senior Steward decided that nobody was getting a free upgrade to 1st, so she also informed the young girl that she had sat in the wrong seat and was to sit in economy at the rear.
""I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!"" replied the young girl in a firmer tone.
The Senior Steward thought that this might be a job for the Co-pilot, so she asked the Co-pilot to try and resolve this matter. So the Co-pilot decided to have a go to see if he could move the young girl.
"Excuse me Miss, but your sat in the wrong seat" said the Co-pilot.
"I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!" replied the young girl.
"I'm sorry Miss, but if you don't move to your proper seat, I'll have to ask you to leave the aircraft" replied the Co-pilot.
"I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!" replied the young girl.
Being new to this game, the Co-pilot decided to consult the Captain.
"Let me sort her out" said the Captain.
The Captain then approached the young girl and whispered in her ear.
As the Captain returned to the Flight-deck, the young girl got out of the seat and proceeded down the aircraft towards her proper seat.
"Cor, what did you say to her?" asked the Co-pilot.
To which the Captain replied: "I told her 1st class wasn't going to New York"
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2006-07-11 17:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by sudjenni 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the guy who wrote the hokey pokey died
it took two days to bury him
they put his left foot in . . took his left foot out . .
groan!
2006-07-04 23:52:53 · answer #5 · answered by mike c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. They all taste bad without oysters.
2006-07-05 00:15:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why get married?
2006-07-04 23:52:30 · answer #7 · answered by Yahoo! 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋