what do i do when my husband doesnt beleive in god gets drunk and tells the kids about there being no god?

Question

when my 4 year old was born we dicided that when the kids were old enough to make up their own minds about church they didnt have to go if they didnt want to. well my 4 year old wants to be home with his dad on sun. and i beleive that he should go. on sat we were sitting in the back yard and my hubby was drunk and my son said that he wanted to stay home from church, my hubby turned to me and said he no longer has to go and went on to bash god. it really made me mad, my life in the last year has changed so much because i became a beleiver, i guess im finding it really hard not being able to share that with my hubby. and i beleive that people have the right to make up their own minds about things, and when the kids are old enough to i will let them but i dont think a 4 year old knows what he wants other that being with dad could be fun. any ideas would really help, i have been stewing about this for 4 days.

Answer 1

I have been in a similar situation in the past. First of all, it is going to be very difficult, but you are going to have to have a major talk with your husband. You have to tell him that if he doesn't want to believe that that is his choice, but that he needs to respect your choice. And he needs to respect your parenting, which means not filling your sons head up with things. It is never to early to teach your child about God. You can talk to them in simplistic terms. Listen the best thing that you can do is take your son to church and start teaching him. You must set an example for your husband. If you and your son are leading a christian life, he might not say anything for a while, but he is noticing everything(your husband), you will see him slowly start to come around. Use every oppurtunity that you can to talk to him, but DO NOT FIGHT! That will only drive him away. Just continue to pray. But, the most important thing that you can do right now is have a talk with your husband about your son. He MUST not undermine you. YOU must establish this.

Answer 2

That was pretty cold-hearted.
Bashing the son with disbelief was also a way for him to get back at you for your new found faith.
Most couples never expect your situation, a change in views which changes the relationship, but that's what happens in your situation. Caught in the middle is the child who can't understand what is going on. It's sad that your husband may end up using him as a pawn.
As time goes on, if your faith increases, you may find that many of the things your husband does no longer holds any interest for you.
As a Christian I can only wish you the best.

Answer 3

Greetings, and please accept my apologies on the length of this answer.

Based on the details of your question, I would have to say that there are deeper issues here than your husband stating his own personal beliefs to your son, especially if the child is also his.

People often change over the course of a relationship. Sometimes they grow together, sometimes they grow apart. When you got married, you obviously didn't know how important your faith would end up being to you. However, if you didn't know, your husband couldn't possibly have.

Whatever your reasons for becoming a believer over the last year, please keep in mind that this change was within you, and it is not necessarily fair to judge your husband now for being the same person it sounds like he has been and he might be reacting to you being a different person.

Personally, I would take further issue with the fact that your husband is drinking around your children. This seems like a more immediate concern to me.

Unfortunately, your husband, as the father, has an equal say in how to raise your children. This is very hard to accept when you feel passionately about something. (I am speaking from experience about a different topic.)

The best thing to do is to explain to your husband that you have been feeling strongly about this situation and set up a time and place where you can discuss things calmly, rationally and quietly, without the child(ren) being around. Although you feel strongly about it, it is important to discuss it with respect if you want him to listen to you.

You may want to start with agreeing upon an age that you both feel he will be adequately old enough to make his own decision and what you will do in the mean time. There probably is no best age to do this.

It's important to remember that you have equal rights here as well. You don't need to make your child come to church with you to instill faith in him. Take each opportunity that you have to explain to him why you feel the way that you do, that it's okay for you and his father to disagree on certain things, and that one day he will have to decide on his own what he thinks.

Unless your newfound faith is to be the cause of a separation or divorce from your husband, you'll have to figure out a way to work it out.

Don't expect your husband to feel the same way that you do, especially not in the same length of time that you do. Faith is an individual process that everyone has to learn and accept on their own. If you try to force it, you'll likely be met with even greater resistance.

Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 4

In the book of proverb says Train your child with the ways of God so that when he grows up he will not turn from it. I think you really have a big problem. If you can't do anything about it, it's time to let the pastor intervene. He is the father he should be a role model of (first and foremost) belief and good morals. Do you want your child to be like him? If not, you must seek help with the leaders of the church to explain the things to your husband. What you can do is pray for them and trust God. God bless and hope I helped you.

Answer 5

Wow. I'm sorry. That's a difficult situation. But perhaps this is a question for a marriage counselor. Your husband needs to respect your faith if your marriage is to work, and he needs to respect how you feel and not undermine your parenting. While you should let your child grow up to be well rounded like you want, it won't hurt him to go to church. It sounds like you're really open minded and your son will be too, I just hope your husband doesn't ruin that.
On a side note, it's funny how atheists accuse Christians of being closeminded, but it really sounds opposite with you and your husband, with him pushing his beliefs on your son.
I don't think exposing your child to church is pushing anything on him. I went to church as a child,but my mom was open minded enough to not force it on me. She just let me experience it as it was and let me grow up to be my own person. Now even though I'm not a Christian, I totally respect them because my mom didn't force anything down my throat, or act like atheists were evil. She set a really good example for me and she's a good person and I have strong morals now and accept all things as possible. If you just keep doing the same with your son, I'm sure he'll turn out great. Please try to save your marriage and talk to a counselor.
I hope that you and your husband can work things out, but he needs to know how you feel. There are effective communication skills you can learn that will aid you towards a healthier relationship with your husband. A good therapist can tell you what those are. Also keep in mind if you choose to go that route, a good therapist never takes sides. Your husband deserves to have his beliefs respected too. Good luck.

Answer 6

Hey I was the spiritual leader in my household for years even though my husband went to church with me he did not lead a life that showed that he was a believer. My suggestion to you is to gather a group of women that you know and trust and also that you would think would be prayer warriors and just pray for him every day!!!! Once I decided that I could not control the way my husband was spiritually I realized that God can. One year later my husband became the spiritual leader in my family and God has really changed his life!!! But I agree with you about your 4 year old he doesn't know what is the best for him so try to encourage him to go to church. Hope this helps

Answer 7

It is a hard place to be I'm sure. I think you maybe could get counseling from your pastor if offered, it's probably the best place to get help with your situation. I'm married to a man who was raised in church, believes in God but doesn't want to go to church...I have a little girl & want her to be involved. Recently I asked God back into my life to take over & be in charge of my destiny. I have visited a few churches without him & it's hard because you see all the families & the dads that do go & a part of you says 'why can't I have that'? I know I need to take care of my relationship with God first because on judgement day "my husband (or my daddy) didn't want to go" will not be a viable excuse. He says going to church doesn't make you a good person, there are lots of bad people who are in church each sunday-I'm sure that may be possibly true.But at least they go & I think God will move them thru the spirit. I believe being a Christian is trying to help others & lead others to Christ...

Keep going to church, take your kids with you...do you let them drink beer if they want, smoke cigarettes, or play in the busy highway? You're their mom & it doesn't sound like they're safe home alone under the supervision of a drunken husband...(sorry) Someone recently told me that the bible says (& I'm still learning so don't quote me) that the man of the house & the parents of children are responsible for their childrens salvation & they stressed it's very important to guide them in the direction of God...

Have faith in the "church family" you are becoming a part of. They are there for you. I don't know if there are other problems in your marriage but ask God to show you the answers, put your marriage in his hands, pray he will make it what he wants a marriage to be, be open for the signs you know are God speaking to you through what happens thereafter-seek advice from your pastor.

Answer 8

This is a tough question. I think you should quickly counter your husbands atheist rants when he's drunk, and when you are sober talk to the kids about your beliefs. Make sure the kids get a evenhanded amount of information. It might be that when the kids are young they will lean towards your husbands way of thinking, but later when they search for answers, they will come to you for help.

Answer 9

First of all, why is your husband drunk in front of your 4-year-old child? I think that is the bigger issue. Your faith is your faith and your husband should support you even if he doesn't have the same views. (Not sure why you married someone who doesn't support you 100% - but OK) I would be more worried about talking to your husband when he's sober about how what he says makes you feel. That's the only way to sort it out.

Answer 10

Seek counselling. Its ok to have different points of views however the basis foundation of both of you believe system well that is some heavy stuff that cannot be solve by simply pleading with him to stop. It also sounds like perhaps your husband maybe acting passive aggressively and unfortunately the children seem the battle ground on which he chooses to wage his war. It is never a good idea to use children as weapons/conduits in which to divide their loyalties.

Children should not be made to choose between their parents.......and this division of beliefs by which he is acting out can very well be labelled a weapon.