Im the oldest of three and it seems like I always get the blame for everything! how can I be more responsible without my mom saying that I'm not mature and ready for everything? please help! ecspecially older siblings.
2006-07-04 13:37:02 · 13 answers · asked by adergazarian 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is not fair to be put in the position of a substitute parent if you are a child. Having said that, you also have a responsibility to act as best as you know how and not yield to temptation when other kids are doing bad things.
Typically, parents blame the eldest because it's easiest and they forget, the eldest does NOT have authority over the younger siblings. Point out to your mom or dad that when your sister and brother misbehave, they don't regard you as a parental figure and ignore you when you try to advise them to stop being naughty.
Then remind them you are also a child, and though you yourself are responsible for your own behavior and making sure no one does anything unsafe in your presence, it is not appropriate for you to be the disciplinarian. You can babysit, but not be the Mom or Dad.
You also may not be mature enough yet for some things, and that's ok. It takes time to grow up. Don't rush it. Just do what's right and don't yield to stupid temptations.
2006-07-04 13:43:56 · answer #1 · answered by dr_dr_evil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the oldest of three, and the oldest of nine cousins!!! i know your pain! everything my siblings or cousins did was somehow My fault, according to my family! even now i get blamed for stuff..and I'm 29 yrs old, married and with kids!
the thing is..they see you as the "more responsible one" the one that should "set a good example" for the others. whether you like it or not.
the only thing you can do, is listen to your mother respectfully, and try to be a good kid. you'll make mistakes..we all do, but just remember that you will be old enough to do all those "things" you want to do in time.
enjoy being young now, because being a grown up is VERY hard work.
2006-07-04 14:00:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your parents are abdicating their responsibilities. Perhaps you could explain to your mom that you cannot supervise the younger ones all of the time. What do they do when you are not at home? Perhaps you need to have more outside activities. Spend more time in your room.
You sound as if you are very responsible. The problem might be your parents. Do you have an aunt, grandmother or someone you can turn to? I encourage you to talk this over with someone.
If you cannot talk to your mother, perhaps you could write her a letter explaining your point of view.
The reason Dolly Parton never wanted kids was because she had raised so many of her mother's children.
2006-07-04 13:56:08 · answer #3 · answered by lcmcpa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AAAwww...i am the oldest of my siblings too,and i know what your growing through...infact i read an article on TIME's about siblings...anywho...the oldest always get more responsibilities. and no matter how hard you try to be responsible,it maynot always work for you. But i actually found the solution to this problem (a least in my case), patience!...i was told by a guy i like that i being mean to my sisters...which really hurt me,cause he only overheard my conversation with my sisters for only a few minutes. And i made a promise to myself that i will be MORE patient with them. And it's works most of the time...i love my sisters to death..even before this incident..but i believe that this patience thing made me grow closer to my sisters...we do however have fights...but it's al part of the complexities of sisterhood. as for your mom's opinion of ur responsibility..well..that all depends how u react with ur sisters...do chores...do chores that weren't even assigned...talk to ur mom about ur schooling..ur goals...talk with ur mom...this will brighten up the horizon on her prespective of u,and ur possibilities....one thing to remember is:u will always be ur momm'y lil girl..even if u are the oldest...so it should take you a longer time to do things that your sister might do....it happens...but once you grow up...you will appreciate it....hope this helped...and i wish u good luck:)
2006-07-04 16:18:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
heyy! i got that prob too, except im oldest of 7. i dont get blamed for everthing anymore though, because when i am blamed i jsut let it pass and talk to my mom (shes easier than my dad, hes a great person, but moms are easier) after the confrontation passes, and tell her that i truely didnt do it. also, i NEVER rat out my lil sibs. i always tell them they souldnt do that because its uncool and only 2 (12 and 10) actually understand it. idk how old u are, but im 13 so if ur a teen this should be good advice. if u rat them out they'll give u away too. just say u dont know who did and it wasnt u, or u jsut wont say who it was but u didnt do it.
2006-07-04 14:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, you're the oldest, and that just comes with the territory. Accept it and move on. Parents always place extra expectations on their eldest child. You're the on that's supposed to be perfect, and to prove to their parents how much better they are at parenting than they were. It is totally unfair! But it is the merrygoround of life!
2006-07-04 13:44:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not sure of your age but i kept reading people say "tell" or "inform" your parents from my veiw point they are half right which means they are half wrong as well... if your perents are anything like mine you can tell them anything they autmatically get their dander up and miss half of your plead. my mother always told me i could say anything to her if i approached it right. as your parents for a sit down with the family and talk.( boring, i know) but, ask what is expected of you what is your chores and such the more you talk on this subject the more everyone sees what is going on. further more your are like mine and if you are anything like me i forget they forget everything so keep a journal of as much as you can( its a great refrence to not letting anyone say ( he said she said ) you have all that as proof ) aside from that its only a matter of time before you have kids and remeber this feeling becuase you'll probably revisit this again and again
good luck
2006-07-04 15:34:23 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just the way it is, I am the eldest of 3, and even if I wasn't around I was blamed for it as I was the "example setter". You get used to it, do what you can, your parents just need your help! But you just be another black sheep o' the family...in which case welcome to the club!
wanderer
2006-07-04 13:42:38 · answer #8 · answered by wanderer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom probably expects you to be more sensitive to what she needs to be done. Get closer to help and your sister. She might not told you, but you need to tell her that she needs to understand you too that you need her communication. Perhaps it is a communication problem. She might be going through something and she wants you to be more attentive and pay her more attention. Happy 4th of July :-) take care
2006-07-04 14:11:04 · answer #9 · answered by Carlos G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had that problem too till I reversed that back at my parents and made them look like the immature ones.
2006-07-04 13:47:08 · answer #10 · answered by James 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋