I love my mum and want to keep a relationship with her, but all we ever do is fight, or we don't speak at all?

Question

i moving out of home now,
i 17
my step dad makes me feel uncomfortable,
They hate my friends

Answer 1

talk to her about that and do more stuff with her, if you don't want to talk to her about it then write a letter

Answer 2

From now till the next five or so years you will have plenty of times that you feel are trying but above all remember that You love her and that no matter how unreasonable she seems she loves you. You say you are moving out and that your stepfather makes you feel uncomfortable. I hope you don't mean in a sexual way for many times that type of situation turns abusive so be careful if it is. Sometimes in any relationship, man/women, son/father, daughter/mother conflicts come up and sometimes you may be right but for the sake of dialog try and put yourself in her shoes at times. Rather than argue try and take the high road by calmly talking to her and voicing your opinions and position but also be respectful that she is your mother and therefore loves you and certainly has what she feels is your best interest in mind. If you do move out what ever you don't give up High School. Get your degree it's that important I promise. Also don't burn bridges to the point you feel you can't return home for the world is a very dangerous and abusive place for a 17 year old. If Possible I would caution waiting until you are 18 and graduated. Also remember it takes two to have an agrument and fight. If you keep your head and calm always voice your position and opinions but also be open to listen to what she has to say and at least consider her ability to speak from a position, not as your mom, but a position of experience. In time your relationship will improve but you never want to put yourself in a position that, God Forbid, if something tragic happened and she was killed that your last meeting and conversation was one of fighting. Tell her you are maturing and that you soon will be a legal adult and you would appreciate if she would treat you as such. In return tell her also you respect her opinions but request that she also respect your positions and opinions as things are different for you than they were for her when she was your age. TELL HER you LOVE HER always even if you don't get along. Also at times, even if you don't want it, ask for her opinion on things just so she will know you still desire to come to her at times and treasure her opinion. If there is an abusive situation with your stepfather or whatever it is then you also should be able to talk to her about it. Sure she is biased in the relationship but you can't keep stuff like that bottled up. Good luck and I hope things improve.

Answer 3

Stop fighting with her. Just listen and don't let her upset you. Don't be alone with your stepfather.

If your mum knows that your step dad makes you uncomfortable and doesn't care then you have a bigger problem. If he touches you, go to the authorities immediately.

Spend time doing things, reading, studying, tv, friends etc.

Stay in your room and away from them as much as possible. Don't argue. You don't need to tell her when she is wrong. Bite your tongue if necessary.

You are too young to be out on your own. Do you have a father you could turn to? What about an aunt, grandmother or other relative? You need to find someone to be "on your side".

Again, do not argue. Good Luck.

Why would anyone be callous enough to correct what you call your mum as Haileys did?

Answer 4

I will tell you what my doc told me. He said that My mom isn't likely to change at her age, therefore I have two solutions; one just walk away and build my life without her. Which would stop all the frustration. Or accept the fact that is the way things will always be and accept it. Either way, the frustration will end. I walked away for about 3 years. Came back and it was exactly the same as before, so I decided to look at it differently. It worked. Now when it gets bad, I just say I love her. I am lucky she is still alive and then, I take a break from her, to rebuild my nervous system before I get together with her again. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Try email and long distance communication like letters. It worked for me and my dad - we used to fight a lot and I hated talking to him face-to-face. I still find him abrupt and rude at times. But he really does love us and so I can't cut him off. I found emails and letters meant I could talk openly without the stress of being up close - and could get my words in without being interrupted. Emails are great for that, but once you use email to come to understandings it then important (even if it takes a few years, which it may) to go back and talk face to face - to allow yourself to just relax and enjoy the company and not bring up the topics you'd normally fight over. Leave those for email where your voice is heard (or read, rather).

I dunno if this is really the best way, but it worked really well for me. Letters are also nice, they have a nice personal touch that email sometimes lacks. Letters that are really heartfelt between the two of you could mend rifts! Good luck too! ^_^

I moved out of home at 16 and it was the best thing I ever did, all I did at home was get into verbal fights with my parents because I was very unhappy generally.. once I could distance myself from them - and communicate in another way - we mended our relationship.

Answer 6

Just tell her that you love her.Time will heal any nasty words spoken .If possible take time to have lunch with her.DO not let the relationship break.If your stepdad makes you feel uncomfortable then the move is good.Take good care of yourself and most of the time parents are strict with the friends their children hang out with because they are being protective.

Most of all take care and God bless.

Answer 7

I'd talk to her, someplace neutral, like a restaurant, about why your step dad makes you uncomfortable. How she reacts to that conversation will let you know who she trusts more - you or him. Find a good family to stay with for a while. Talk with a trusted adult or counselor and see where you are - feeling wise - in two weeks. Then try talking to her again.

Answer 8

it sounds to me like there are a few issues that you need to sit down and talk to your mom with. you only have one mom. i wouldnt leave until you have squared everything. as far as your step dad how was everything before the step dad? and why are you feeling uncomfortable with him?
thats what i woullld talk to your mom about if i where you. as a mother my self im always scared that a wedge will be put in between my kids and i and i try real hard to be the kindda mom who they can tell everything and help them work through it.

Answer 9

first things first its mom. not mum. and you just need to tell her you want a better relationship and you dont want to end up never taking to her. caus moms and there daughters have alot more in comin than some of us kids really think i fight w/ my mom but we still love each other and i dont like to fight but we always end up fiting.i want a better relationship w/ her then and you want one w/ your mom and so do some thin about it if you ever want to kep in touch !

Answer 10

who are u going to live with? have u told her how ur step dad makes u feel? what do he do to make u feel uncomfortable?

Answer 11

tough you have to remember that you all are people in yourselves you all have your own lives to live you are seveteen now and you are responsible for you if your stepdad is thinking he can have a bit of both set him and especially your mom straightright now you aren t doing her any favours by keeping quiet for her sake go forth but dont go forth bitter