Would you turn in your own sister if she was abusing her children?

Question

I did...I spoke up...and now I am the bad guy in the family. I still think that I did the right thing. By the way, the abuse was of a mental/psychological and verbal nature, and I would catagorize it as severe.

Thanks, everybody!

I watched my sister do this for over ten years, not only to my nieces but to everyone in the family. The reason that I didn't speak up sooner was because she kicked me down so much (add to the list that she is a terrible control freak, pathological liar, etc.) and I was afraid of her just like everyone else. She is a toxic person.

I did work up the strength to confront her first and it all blew up in my face. Not only did she deny everything, but she claimed that I was making everything up. I gave her a chance to get some help, and then turned her in (which did nothing, by the way!)

I just love my nieces and haven't seen them in two years because I am not allowed to. Meanwhile, the abuse continues... The few family members that were brave enough to also confront her are also not allowed any contact.

I just wish that I was the one who had children... :(

Thanks again peeps

Answer 1

Yes, I would have turned in my sister. Those children will thank you for saving them from years of abuse that could potentially have escalated later in their lives. You did the right thing, and if your family can't accept that, then that's their problem.

Answer 2

You were absolutely right. Some professionals (counselors, teachers, social workers, and doctors ) are "mandated reporters", legally responsible to report suspicion of abuse. But for you to report your sister (or even a neighbor or casual acquaintance) of suspected abuse takes courage.

Your state has an investigative unit; you can report anonymously (although, as you found out, sometimes people figure out who reported them anyway). The agency has guidelines or criteria for what they will investigate; other times they just take a report and keep it--kind of keeping an eye on the alleged abuser, in case another concern comes in another time--kind of monitoring the person based on the previous report.

Anyway, yes, you did the right thing. Whatever the outcome, if you had genuine concern, you followed your concern. And if the sister keeps the kids, she could be ordered to anger management or parenting classes or to counseling, and that might help her life as well as the children's, in the future.

Answer 3

Absolutely! We need to protect children when they can't defend themselves. It's unfortunate that it was your sister, but the safety of your neices and nephews is the first priority.

That being said, I hope this was something you observed over a period of time that would show a consistent pattern of behavior and not hersay and a few isolated incidents. I would also hope that you talked to someone else about this decision prior to doing that to get an outside perspective of the situation.

But if you feel confident and you did all you could to make sure that what you witnessed was actually abuse and that she wouldn't stop that behavior, then you absolutely did the right thing.

Answer 4

Yes, if your the bad guy in the family, then your family musn't be that great... you did the right thing, don't doubt it for one second.

Soo many kids would be so thankful if they knew someone that was brave enough to stand up for them, because they can't stand up for themselves.

If anyone reads this and knows someone being abused: GET HELP. From PERSONAL experience, I can say that that person would be very happy with you, once they got over the fact that you told. They would never be hurt agian, and it'd be a good deed to do. Seriously.

Answer 5

I work in a field where if I had knowledge of child abuse, I am obligated to report. It is a very sensitive thing to do and any such decision should be weighed carefully

My strategy is that I would discuss the issue with the alleged offender first and provide some support and options. If it continues, I would have to report and the person would by then be aware this is my obligation to do so.

Answer 6

It is my understanding that it is difficult to prove, and especially for you, if your family is in denial. You need to confront your sister very calmly, and describe the consequences of her treatment to her children.
She will be given Court Ordered Anger management classes, as well as Parenting skills, etc., of course she will lose custody of her children, and only the Courts will decide if she has benefited from her Therapy, and proven to be a fit parent. She is mentally ill, and out of control. Child Protective services can't handle the load, Children are and endangered Species also.

How about a Nanny Cam. Then take it to the top!

I commend you for your support for your Nieces. You are in their hearts, and are their strength.

Answer 7

Good for you. At least the children have one person looking out for them. You should continue to turn her in every time you observe this behavior just as you would if you saw a stranger doing the same thing. Being family does not make it right.

Answer 8

You did the right thing, abuse is abuse no matter who is doing it family or friend. As hard as it is, try to not let it bother you about how your being treated in the family. Either they will come around and see you were right or they won't and you will be able to sleep at night knowing you did the right thing.

Answer 9

good for you! Unfortunately, making a stand will always require some type of sacrifice. The rest of your family has to know deep down that she was abusive if it was as severe as you say. They should come to terms with it. Keep being there for your neices and nephews, they need all the good parenting and loving that they can get.

Answer 10

i called CPS on my older sister before too. What you did was the right thing, despite what your family might think. Children should never be forced to suffer by being abused verbally or physically. Abuse is wrong any way you look at it.