Ladies help me figure this out?

Question

My ex gf is psycho and I know it. She has self mutilated herself, smokes pot too much, lost her 4 children because of dope, compulsive liar,attempted suicide twice since ive known her. We break up on and off again from time to time. Sometimes by her decision sometimes mine. Yet she constantly tells me I have her heart, body,mind and soul. Also says that I am the best she ever had and will never find someone as good as me but she cant commit. when we break up she emails me about things she is trying to accomplish in life and begs for my approval. I try moving on yet she always wiggles her way back into my life. She is 30 and I am afraid if she hasnt changed for the good by now she never will. Everytime she makes an accomplishment soon she reverts back to her destructive behavior. What does she want from me? Help me understand her. She wont tell me. Will she ever change for the good?

Answer 1

She wants your commitement. However, she is the one who cannot commit. She mutilates to get attention, she smokes pot because it's the easy way out, and can't even commit to her own children and own up to the responsibility. She wants you to be her hero and superman, but only when she can't have you. She won't change, which is unfortunate.

However, the decision is mostly up to you. You can run back to her and show her that her decisions are acceptable, or you can stand back and completely remove yourself from the confrontation. Don't return emails, and if she follows you get a restraining order.

This is truly sad, because you have to treat her like a child. But that wouldn't happen if some people would just grow up.

Answer 2

Oh gosh sounds pretty rough. Most likely she will not change. She is already 30. People are pretty much set in their ways by the time they reach their 18th birthday.

The best advice I have for you is..Move on. Your probably a great guy and you dont need to spend the rest of your life babysitting a grown woman in whats supposed to be a called a relationship.

Answer 3

nope sorry you need to move on if a woman truly madly deeply loves you like she says she does she would change for the better she dont care what she does because she knows you will let her back. Im sure your an awesome guya dn you have a lot of love for her but only because your forcing yourself to love her and it shouldnt be that way Im sure you can find so much better why would you want to spend you life with someone who is so irresponsible and craeless. I mean bringing children into the world 4 times and losing evry single one of them thats crazy she dont care babe sorry to tell ya you need to moe on PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN change your email and phone number and i know your worried that shell kill herself if you leave but you need to just let go and move on you dont need tis in your life a complusive liar is horrible you never know when shes telling the truth or lying and i guarantee she does it all for attention like when you break up shell call you and tell you im gonna kill myslef cuz she knows thats your weakness for her but you gotta move on there are some things you cannot control and change and thats her.

Answer 4

She is self-destructive. She cannot love you or care about you because she does not love herself. She knows what to say to you to get you back by her side, but she is only using you for whatever whim has popped up in her head at the moment. This is no relationship...only insanity. If you want a life, you need to keep moving forward and DON'T look back. You cannot help her or save her...she's the only one who can do that.

Answer 5

Sorry to say this but she is f*cked. She lost her kids (she should be trying to get herself together for her kids and not for a man). Think about it ...Even if u are the best thing for her then y would she try to kill herself. She just using u and wastin u time. U can c her future either to a mental institution or an early grave.

Answer 6

She has a lot of issues to deal with, you seem as though u love her but unsure as to how to help her. You can try encouraging her to go to rehab & councelling and stick to it in order to straighten out her life. The rest of the stuff will work it self out - her kids and the rest of her goals.

She perhaps see u as the only stable and good thing that is in her life right now and that is why she is hanging on to u. But she need to start learning to love herself again, dispite all the wrong that has taken place in her life. I admire u for caring about her still, but you need to encourge her to love herself more.

Answer 7

you need to get away from her not for you but for her. you are in a way part of the problem, she needs to separate herself from that past self. explain to her that just cause ur the best she's ever had doesn't mean she won' find someone else and that she needs to be on her own and find herself. try to get her self esteem up a little explain to her that you still luv/ like her and let her know that she'll always be in your heart but she needs to get it together and stay together on her own before she pulls anyone else into the equation

Answer 8

ok, this 1s a little tough...i dont know her but i know people like that, so im generalizing here, the best advice i could give u is to move on with YOUR life. i know you probably get this all the time, and i know easier said then done..but let me give you two stories to weigh both true: 1. same situation u r in, only guy is heroin addict, girl keeps going back and fourth, getting sucked in everytime he takes a baby step foward....5yrs go by and the guy is no better, no worse..the same, but now nobody expects anything from him, cause they don't want to "rock the boat" or make him worse, so he gets treated with kid gloves, by everyone. this girl, now older, feels trapped, yet responsible 4 him cause everyone let her take the weight, including him. she has missed out on following her own goals in order to cater to his problems, and nothing ever changes, and now she resents him, but she still wont leave...they are both miserable, but she carries them, my point...it starts to get really heavy and tiring.
2. another "situation" guy Had his issues, got passed them and followed his dreams to make the band he always wanted to, girl still has issues, on & off she tries to pull away because she sees his talent and knows she will be a burden, but loves him. he finally gets noticed, needs to move to Ca-from NY he wants her to come she splits the night b4 he leaves. he feels like she chose the drugs over him and hates her for years. he is successful, still hurt...sees her when he comes to play in NY, and finally gets it...she chose him over her. they keep in touch from time to time, but he was married & divorced and she still has her problems..but at least 1 life was saved. this one might not seem to apply to u at 1st...but the message is destructable relationships stay that way. it is so much easier to pull someone down than to pick someone up. do u see? SOMEONE has to make a break, and it is obvious this girl is not like girl #2 but more like guy#1....so u need to ask yourself, do u want to b girl #1 or guy #2 i know its complicated, but give it some thought...really

Answer 9

whoa
she could change for the good
i dont think you need to be in a relationship with her but you shouldnt leave her b/c then she might completly lose it
support her and try to get her help

Answer 10

shw wants you to always be there for her, and it seems as if you are. If she really wants to change herself, tell her she has to prove it to you. If there is no proof, then you must move on, or she will drag you down right along with her.

Answer 11

You have to decide if you can continue to live with this type of person. She isn't going to change. Understanding her won't help. Walking away with determination will help you and possibly her.