I recently got out of a 12 year relationship that was really verbally abusesive, meet the man of my dreams about a month an a half ago. The sex has been great until the past week, i cannot seem to get off. He is very good in bed, always trying to please me and can go for a long time. But the whole time I am thinking "just get it over with" because I am having to fake it so he don't feel bad. I don't understand what is wrong with me? Any advice?
2006-07-04 11:46:44 · 23 answers · asked by Lori C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Do you have a lot of trauma from the abuse you suffered from your ex? Sometimes this can effect sexual relationships. Or, maybe it is something else. Do you like the guy? Are you attracted to him? Are you ready for another relationship? Have you told the guy how you feel?
Maybe you could talk to some people you trust, in person, about this... or counseling? I'm a counselor... you can IM me of you want. -J
2006-07-04 11:54:41 · answer #1 · answered by blondjason1221 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, dont freak out about things like - gosh maybe I dont like him anymore - or feel bad at all.....libido goes up and down all the time. There is nothing WRONG with you, if you start thinking like this you will get yourself into a nasty vicious cycle that will not get you in the mood for loving.
Second, I find it interesting that you mention your past relationship. It is possible that it is still affecting you, particularly if your partner damaged your self confidence. This could damage your sexuality, within you even being conciously aware of it.
I think the best thing you can do is talk to your partner about how you are feeling. He might even be able to tell something is up, being able to read your body when you are having loving. Let him know that you are just on a low libido and that it isn't him....talking about may help a lot, even if it is just so he can tell when you are not so up for it and so doesn't push you unknowingly. If he is a good bloke, he WILL understand.
But most importantly, do not think you are abnormal!!
2006-07-04 11:59:47 · answer #2 · answered by bozogirlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for me it largely depended on the birth control I was using which can drastically affect a person's libido. Also I know for me it can be stress even though I do not think it is affecting me. Try doing things to get you in the mood, like adult movies, a lot of foreplay, or talking dirty. Don't rush it, and let your partner know, sometimes just being honest is enough to ease the pressure. If you are older, then it also might be medical (menopause etc) and should it continue I would see a physician.
2006-07-04 11:54:09 · answer #3 · answered by Northern Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, don't panic, this is very common. One thing people don't realize is our "spots" change. If he's doing a particular thing, then you just need to explore more. Or if you've become uncomfortable for any reason, that can effect it. Another is your memories, do you feel that the past is haunting you? It may be subconscious.
My personal favorite... medication. On Xanax, anti-depressants, muscle relaxers? Yeah, that'll do it.
The best thing to enhance sexual pleasure is communication, the worst you can do is fake it (please, take it from me). Just talk it out with him, assure him that he's very good, suggest to try new things, any hidden fantasies. Hope this helps.
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2006-07-04 12:01:23 · answer #4 · answered by celiarosequill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you turned to this man because he seemed so much better than your previous relationship. The sex was good at first because you were working to get over the other guy. Now, you are realizing that maybe this guy is not the one you want to be with.
2006-07-12 04:56:42 · answer #5 · answered by texasgirl5454312 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your thinking about everything else but what's in front of you. Try to clear you mind of everything but the man that loves you and is making love to you. You may hurt his feeling if he should find out so, never tell him. There's something bothering you and you have to get over it to have a sound relationship with him or anyone else.
Good luck !!!
2006-07-04 11:55:12 · answer #6 · answered by quiet times 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. Some people don't get off every time they make love. And as you get older your body changes any way. Just enjoy the love making, if you keep worrying about it, it is really going to get to you and end up causing you problems. Just relax and go with the flow and if you get off you get off and if you don't you don't. Don't fake it with him, let him know what is going on and also let him know that it is not his fault.
2006-07-04 11:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all hes good in bed, well i don't think you have gotten over the 12 year relationship you had.You still have harsh feelings of hate, that he caused you in 12 years.maybe you should take it slower and get to know yourself before you get more involved.Verbal abuse is very harmful when absorbed for that long.
2006-07-04 11:51:24 · answer #8 · answered by Male Sicilian Trauma Nurse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
something must of happened to where he said something that bothered you or made you upset.The whole thing about haveing an $$$$ is you have to trust that person 100% to be able to let your emotions go in the bedroom.and now your hidding the issue of haveing one ,So the problems are just beginning.Whin the newness wears off in a relationship than reality sets in as to your compatiability.
2006-07-04 11:55:11 · answer #9 · answered by christina p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here's the deal you probably aren't being stimulated the right way ask him if you can experiment with some new stuff go into a store and buy some stuff don't be embarressed or it will only be awkward. Also remember that females aren't stimulated by the penus but by rubbing of the clit so maybe he just doesn't rub you the right way
2006-07-04 11:52:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋