Does anybody know any clean jokes for kids?

Question

I want to share some with my younger cousins!

That last one was pretty funny.

Answer 1

What is the time?
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"

The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."

The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."

Find more here:
http://www.ahajokes.com/p017.html

Answer 2

There were two brothers who were pretty bad kids. They were always in trouble and whenever anything happened around the house or around town, they were usually responsible. Their mother finally had enough and asked her preacher for help. The preacher called the boys in one at a time, taking the youngest one first. "Where is God?", asked the preacher. The boy was silent. Where is God?" asked the preacher, louder this time. The boy continued to be silent. Finally the preacher yelled, "Where is God?" The boy was silent, but left the room shaking. He walked out into the hall and whispered to his brother, "We're in big trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

Answer 3

A mother was desperate to help her son succeed in math at school. At the advice of another mother, she enrolled her son in a Catholic school known for producing students with high math scores.

The first day he came home, he ran straight to his room without stopping for his usual snack and he did not ask about going out to play or to watch television. This happened everyday of school. She told the other mother she was sure she had made a mistake to put him in the school. The other mother convinced her to just wait stay until the sememster had been completed.

When the report cards came out, he showed his mother the grade of "A" in math! She was so happy to see this for the first time in his life. Now she wanted to know why he always ran to his room after school. Her son's eyes widened and he gulped out his answer, "When I saw how they nailed Jesus to that plus sign, I knew they were not gonna play around with me!"

Answer 4

What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot, cross bunnies.
What note do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A Flat Minor
You could tell them the wide mouthed frog joke but it's too long to type here.

Answer 5

Q:  How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A:  Unique up on it.

Q:  How do you catch a tame rabbit?

A:  Tame way.

Q:  Why did the bee fly from New York to Los Angeles with its legs crossed?

A:  Because it couldn't find a BP station.

Answer 6

Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
(ok, not exactly "clean" but my kids, 11 & 9, have been saying this one for years and laugh everytime)

Answer 7

Q: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny!"

A: "Then why aren't you laughing?"


Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream?

A: Sunday school!

Answer 8

Q. What does a candybar do when it hears a funny joke?
A. It Snickers!

Answer 9

1. STUDENT- Miss, Miss can I please go to the toilet??
TEACHER- Yes as soon as you say the ABC!
STUDENT- Ok, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
TEACHER- Where’s the P??
STUDENT- Running down my leg!!!!!!

2. what did the candle say to the other candle?:

are you going out to night

3. what do u do if u break ur leg in 2 places?

stay away from those places in future


4. you are so dumb,you thought you got hit by a parked car!

Answer 10

WHY IS 8 AFRAID OF 7



BECAUSE 7 ATE (8) 9