Spanish-speaking employees of my husband's restaurant always use Ud. form with me.Can I convince them not to?

Question

Though I speak Spanish, I am not confident in such nuanced cultural matters as the one I've described. I am uncomfortable with these men using the Usted form with me because I know they would not want me to do the same. It sets up a strange sort of classist situation.

I have asked them to please use "tu" when we're talking, but their reactions always seem to show they're uncomfortable with the idea. Am I asking them to do something that negates a part of what they would consider "bien educado"? Might it just be a matter of time and/or familiarity until they are convinced that not only am I fine with "tu", I'd actually prefer it?

I appreciate any help here, especially from people who grew up speaking Spanish. Thank you!

Answer 1

To use Ud. with a person shows not only "buena educacion" but also respect. These gentlemen respect you and possibly your position, just use ud. back with them whether they are "below" your position or not, you'll get used to it, and I'm sure they would appreciate you using ud. with them. Unless someone asks to have tu used when addressing them, it's actually a bit rude to use it. Just use ud. back and forth. It'll make the situation better between them and you. They'll show you respect and you'll show them respect back. It's not classist to use ud. and it wouldn't hurt for you to show them as human beings, be they employees or "equals" respect by using this form. Remember it's actually rude to use tu when no prompted. If they are prompting you to use tu, which would be weird for them to do, then use it. Gl with this

Answer 2

This is a cultural thing and it will be very hard to convince a native Spanish-speaker (especially with a humble Mexican background for example) to change it.
You can keep going on "tu-teando" these people forever, but if you are the wife of the boss, the Ud. is unlikely to vanish.
I would suggest you accept it as part of the language and do not let it bother you. It is not "classist", it is just cultural.
It's like asking them to have a "taco" in a hotdog bun.

Answer 3

Well I grew up in a hispanic household, my mother being Spanish and my father mexican, and I can see what you mean about formalities. I am only 20 but I still get a lot of sirs and people calling me Mr. which is a little awkward especially when they're a whole lot older than I am. Back to your question though, these men are very well-mannered and many parents teach their children to use when talking to people of your status or just women in particular who they don't know. One way you are likely to get them to start using the form with you will be if you start talking to them more or maybe more often. You also have to remind them 'cause I know when I speak with hispanic ladies I always use tú unless I've known them a long time or are really good friends with them. It's just hard-wired in there.

Answer 4

Hey listen, Dint be worried about this because there only trying to be polite. using the word ustedes instead of tu, is like if I walked up to a young lady I never knew and said "Hey woman!". If I said that it wouldnt be very polite. but if I say "excuse me Madam", Then thats alot more polite. The word ustedes is used when talking to an aquaintance. but keep talking to them and get to know them better and more personally and you will start to here them relax there language a little bit. Tiene Un buen Dia
Adios

Answer 5

Can you change anything? Probably not. This is something they were brought up with. It's the same as you calling the mayor's wife by her first name. It's not something you were taught to do.
I'm sure you would prefer the 'tu' format, but that would make them very uncomfortable.
Just roll with it.
Que sera, sera.

Answer 6

depends from what country they are because in some countries it is not acceptable to call your boss's wife tu but it depends from where they are . Im guessing that they aren't from the caribean because people are usually very informal here but just tell them . "por favor me gustaria que no me sigan diciendo usted,si no (your name) ya que no me gusta que se refieran a mi de una manera tan formal. **

Answer 7

In some places it is simply not appropriate to use "tú". Many of use use it to address our parents, but many don't. We sometimes chose a specific way of addressing and it is difficult to change it later.
If you are becoming friend of them, maybe you can convince them. If not, just leave it that way. The longer they use it, the more difficult for them it'll be to change it.

Answer 8

THE REASON THEY USE USTED WITH YOU IS CUZ, THEY ARE SHOWING RESPECT TOWARDS YOU IF YOU SEE THAT THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN YOU ASK THEM TO USE THE "TU" FORM, THEN MABEY YOU SHOULD LEAVE IT YOU CANT FORCE PEOPLE TO CHANGE THE WAYS THEY WERE BROUGHT UP. BESIDES YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THEY ARE SHOWING RESPECT.

Answer 9

bueno chica it doesnt matter if they call u like that they feel weird bcause u have like some rights to order them, u like the president's wife when u go to da restaurant thats ur place n it will sound weird if they call u with too much confidence i know that u want them to feel comfortable with u but sometimes thats how u have to treat people like my grandmother said about people" tu le das una mano y cojen el brazo entero" sometimes u have to keep distances with people even if u want to b friendly with them just treat them u know with respect n depending on how they react u treat em b nice but with careful ;)

Answer 10

It's politeness and good manners. Why would that make you uncomfortable?

You are the bosses' wife, correct? Showing respect is not classism. Get over yourself !!!!