I have full custody of her because he didn't bother to show up for court. He asks her questions about me and talks bad about me. He hasn't paid a dime in support for over 2 years. My daughter says she misses her father but I hate to have to deprogram her after her visit.
2006-07-04 08:45:25 · 34 answers · asked by becca 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
There is a court order for support but he fails to pay.
2006-07-04 08:52:07 · update #1
No. He seems to be a very neglectful, immature, and careless person. He talks bad about you--behind your back--to a 5-year-old, he refuses to pay child support, which clearly indicates that he could care less about the well-being of his daughter, and he didn't even show up for court! He clearly doesn't care too much for you or your daughter. However, I'm sure there's more to the story than what you have told us, but from what I can gather, he seems to be pretty indifferent either way--seeing his daughter or not.
The last time I saw my father was when I was 5, as well. I am 16 now, and I don't miss him in the least. I have forgotten a lot about him, for memories of him come in bits and pieces, but I don't believe I have been scarred or deprived without a father figure in the house. I am in the National Honor Society at my high school, I have just returned from a trip to Italy, and I am perfectly fine mentally- and emotionally-speaking.
If you choose to prevent your daughter from seeing her father, she will not grow up to be depresseed, nor will she yearn after her father to the point where therapy is required. There may be some initial resistance on her part, but after a while of not seeing him, and several times of you explaining your reasons behind the decision, I'm positive that she will eventually understand and grow up perfectly normal. Also, having divorced your husband (I'm assuming you two are divorced) this early in her life is much better than divorcing him later, when she would understand more of what was going on, and therefore react much more strongly to it. Also, I believe that if she is exposed to her father every now and then (by allowing visits), she might grow attached to him, or yearn to know more about him, thus putting the pressure on you to allow more frequent visits for longer periods of time, lest she pitch a fit or suddenly become depressed. However, she may be just fine with normal visits, but this is simply my opinion on the matter.
Whatever your final decision is, I wish you two (or three) the best of luck!
Buona fortuna!
2006-07-04 09:32:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
You are wrong for not letting her see him but you arent wrong for being angry with him. That is her dad and you keeping her from him is just going to make her resent you as she gets older. I have a baby and I dont keep her from seeing her father, he chooses that. He doesnt pay a dime for child support and I dont ask. I believe in the long run he will be the one that has to face up to what he did and I will know that I did the right thing by giving him the option of seeing her regardless if he supported her or not. You should give him that option, a suggestion would be to just do it in small amounts of supervised time. Meet at a park with him for a couple hours. Just because you two dont get along doesnt mean you should punish her. Think about it
2006-07-04 08:53:24 · answer #2 · answered by heather b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about an occasional "supervised" visit? Maybe you could let her see him while you're there at the same time...that would make it less likely that he'll say bad things about you or ask inappropriate questions. As for not paying child support, although that's very wrong and you should take legal action if necessary, I don't think you should punish your daughter for her father's irresponsibility by not letting her see him, if that's what she really wants.
2006-07-04 08:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by AnswerLady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do your custody papers say about his visitation rights? If it says he's allowed visitation, then you have no choice. About the child support, have you told you lawyer about it? If not, do it. If you have and still nothing, then contact Health & Welfare and they can connect you to Child Support Services. Another thing to think about is if you keep you daughter and her father apart it may backfire on you when your daughter gets older. She may be resentful and angry at you for keeping them apart, how will that make you feel? Whatever happens, don't stoop to his level. When your daughter gets older she'll realize you are the mature parent. Good luck!
2006-07-04 11:04:54 · answer #4 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are wrong to not let her see her father. Maybe you or someone else could supervise the visits. She really needs her father. I don't know much about this, but I'm sure you could work something out for her sake and really, for your sake because she will start to resent you and make everything your fault if she doesn't see him.
2006-07-04 09:19:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally speaking it is not a good idea, at all, to use the child to force payment of child support. Keep the child out of argument.
Also, do not say bad things about the father. It could really have a bad effect on the child and on your relationship with your child.
However, I do not know the circumstances. If there is problems like violence or heavy vocal intimation involved, then you should seek help immediately.
Depending on where you live, the people to talk to first is a well known non-profit that specializes in child support and parenting.
Something outside the government that well help you negotiate your efforts to improve your babies and your life situation. However, let me warn you about religious based help centers or churches.
Often religious organizations have more concern with dictating to you. Talking about joining or giving money before they concern themselves with helping you and your child should be a warning to their intentions.
By reputation, the Catholic Charities is a good organization for example. If there is one in your area, you can general trust what they have to tell you. And ask about the Counties system for helping. The Charities can really help you deal with the government.
Also, after finding a non-government program, and asking lots of questions, go to the child support section of your County Government and report everything. (Be careful with what you say to the government. Get some advice before you go to the government) But you have to go to them. And when you do ask for counseling. Ask for financial support. and don't fail to tell them about any violence involved.
2006-07-04 09:15:37 · answer #6 · answered by zclifton2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to establish a civil relationship with her father. If he is persistent in feeding the child negative information, he is not providing what is best for the child. It is so sad that the children are the ones that receive the hurt for parents that have trouble in communicating after a divorce. Is it possible to repair your marriage or relationship with the father. Every child needs a mommy and a daddy (if possible). Two wrongs do not make one right. and if push comes to shove let the court make him cover his portion of financial expense in raising the child. You didn't make her by yourself now did you.
A man of 54 am I.
2006-07-04 09:00:30 · answer #7 · answered by newpuppie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has no right to see her. I am a father who pays his support every month, and see his daughter as much as possible. This has been going on since she was 6 months old, she is 12. I have never once allowed anyone near to me including my wife to bad mouth her mom in front of my daughter. This man is not a father he is boy and should be treated as such. Until he steps up to plate and starts paying his support, and not bad mouthing you infront of your daughter he should not be allowed to see her. It is people like him who make me angry, and give the rest of us dads who pay their support, a bad name. You daughter might be upset but you are still the parent, and you need to look out for her best interests, even if it means not seeing her father.
2006-07-04 11:26:26 · answer #8 · answered by jsnmlk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you are doing the right thing. I am actually going through the same things and you keep doing what you are doing. If he can't find time for his child or help support it, don't give him the time of day. My mother made me go see my deadbeat father and I ended up hating him anyway once I found out what he was about so let your child go ahead and know how its father is.
2006-07-04 09:27:52 · answer #9 · answered by lilmom9204 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should NOT use her to get INFORMATION ON YOU. If he wants to see her have it supervise. If he cannot behave just wait until her father grow up.I'm also a S/P the other parent not involve since my daughter was
6 1/2 months. going on 9 years.
2006-07-04 08:51:05 · answer #10 · answered by ssanchez2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋