How do you deal with an alcoholic and a gambler?

Question

I am 24 years old and the "peacmaker in the house". I have a child that depends on me and we live at my parents. I do not pay rent but have problems with my parents bad habbits. My mother is a chronic casino gambler, my father is becoming like her and he is an alcoholic. They were not like that before and I tried talking to them to let them know what they are doing is not the way. They dont seem to care much for my advice. I cannot tel them what to do since "they are the parents". I fear if I move out, "all hell will brake loose" I am unhappy living there but do not know how to tell them I want to move out. I am not even sure if moving is a wise decision since it will become an extra finance that is not cheap. This is causing me much stress.

Thanks all you folks who can give me good advice!

Answer 1

you have two choices, move out or leave them be. they both have serious addiction problems and you can't change that, you can point it out but unless they want to change it there probably isn't much you can do, this is a sinking ship. i'd worry about the effects this environment will have on your child and make my decision based on that. its not your job to raise your parents, perhaps what they need is for all hell to break loose to straighten them out, right now they are suffering no consequences for their bad behavior therefore they have no reason to stop. look out for your child, that is your primary job in life. good luck!

Answer 2

It would be easier too run away but they are your parents and you should stay and try to help them out as they have obviously helped you out with your problems. Don't just give up because it is getting hard to deal with. Anything that is a problem is probably hard to deal with in one way or another. I think all hell would break loose if you moved out. Of course they aren't going to greet your advice with open arms. When you were young did you just automatically concede their point the first time they made it? So persevere and it will pay off in the end.

Answer 3

I know being a single parent is difficult, but you are responsible for your child, you are not responsible for your adult parents. Nothing you do will change their behavior unless they want help. You need to think about your child and get out of there. Maybe if "all hell breaks loose" something may put a scare in to them which may then make them change their habits. These problems are addictions, and addicts will go to great lengths to protect their lifestyle. The hardest thing to do is exercise "tough love" leave, and let them know that unless they change their ways and seek professional help, you don't want your child around or in that environment.

Answer 4

Dear Monalisa i understand your predicament is quiet stressfull. However i would not approuch them is by giving them personal advise. You should rather play the guilt angle. Ask your parents do you think this is a proper inviroment for they're grandchild. What this will do is open the door about moving out and produce any troubles that they're having with you and your child staying there. This will alow them to tell you they're feelings about the situation and hopefully will open there eye's to your concern for they're well being, so all of you can find a happy medium.

Answer 5

i'd say move or get used to it cause you'll be there a long time. and too, once you live on your own you will develope a different sort of relationship with them. on a personal level i really don't think you should subject your child to that sort of lifestyle.

in any case get your act together and be ready to walk away at a moments notice before you tell them. then, give them a two week notice because you are a nice person, but split the second you see trouble coming. good luck.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

to keep the peace in the house you must move out. simply tell them you are moving into your own place for privacy and not to far away so they can come and visit. they have places for low income parents. call your local housing authorities or welfare department. and let your parents deal with their problem only they can deal with it when they are ready.. you don't want your child to see and hear all the fighting and yelling going on. do you? i say get out as soon as you can.. for your child's sake
but don't tell anyone(even the kids- they may tell grandma) until you have found a house and ready to move (no since starting a war)

Answer 8

Alcholics and gamblers have friends too. Problem is, their only friends are those that can provide them with their next drink or their next cheque to gamble with.

Best thing to do here is to realize that people like those types will not change until they honestly want to change or make a change for themselves first. No matter what we say, they will have to make the change themselves.

Solution here is to realize this and to move on.

Answer 9

I don't know about you, but my parents are impossible.

There is a saying that goes "Old people are set in there ways" and this is pretty much 90% of the time true. If you don't like the atmosphere, you need to get out of there, regardless of what is going to happen, because it already seems like hell is broken loose. Trust me, like me we have the weakness of having a good heart and wanting to say and be the mediator of sorts, but you need to understand that you cannot allow yourself to be in that situation, sometimes even though it is kinda selfish, sometimes you need to think about your well-being, because people obviously aren't thinking of yours. Hope that helps.

Answer 10

I would suggest getting yourself into an Al-anon group, even before moving out. If you feel compelled to be the 'peacemaker' you may take this trait into another bad situation. By going to Al-anon or Co-da you could learn and grow yourself and have more peace and joy to put into the world.