parents finally divorced?

Question

I am really depressed right now, cause my parents after putting me and my brother through 5 years of argueing and 'separations' have finally filed for a divorce. my dad has moved out to a flat 5 mins drive away, and i barely get to see him now a days, the running right now is 2 weeks, i really miss him, and now my mum is constanly argueing with me, i do one little thing and she'll have a go at me for like an hour. it seriously gets me down, and i cant help but defend myself, a friend has told me that i should just be quiet and not argue back.i really don't know what to do anymore! help

Answer 1

Aww, I am really sorry to hear that. Parents divorcing can be such a difficult time in a person's life and especially a young person's life. Did your parent's split up a long time ago? Or just a few days or weeks ago? Because if it is the first year of you and your mum living together without your Dad being there it will be difficult and i think it will be very hard for your mum who may not be used to living alone. Right now your mum is probably very stressed and may feel alone and confused at this new situation - if so - I think you need to have loads of patience with her and just try to understand things from her point of view. If she snaps at you, you must understand that she is under a bit of a stress and the best thing to do is leave the room politely and as quietly as possible as she may need to be alone to cool off. You must be strong for your mum as she really does need your company right now and your support - you have to be her rock and help her with the every day things such as cleaning the dishes or hoovering or any other house hold chores that she may find stressful to deal with on top of everything else. She has lost the love of her life remember and must be feeling dissapointed that it had to end in a break up.
It is easy to fight back in arguments but at the end of the day it really doesn't help with anything - it just causes more tension and more anger - and that is something neither of you need at the moment. I think right now - you have the chance to be the best daughter possible and show your mum that she is still loved and you care deeply about her. Do little things that show you care - run her a bubbly bath or something like that! In time, she will become the warm and bubbly person she was once was and with her new-found life she may even become a better person then ever before!

As for your Dad, make sure you do see him as often as possible and it's best to make a schedule of when to see him. For example, you could see him every Sunday, Wednesday and Friday and then be with your mum every other day, With your Dad only living a 5 minute drive away, you are lucky because it won't be much of a journey to go to see him or for him to pick you up.

Think about your Brother - this is where your role as sister comes in and you must take great care of him and make sure he doesn't get to involved in the arguments between you and your mum or your mum and your Dad. Make sure he is hugged when upset (depending on his age of course) but just support him and make sure he knows you are there for him. I suggest you take him out somewhere like the cinemas or park - things that would normally be done if your Mum and Dad were still together so things don't seem as chaotic and disrupted.

Good luck to you and your family - i hope your Mum and Dad can set aside their differences and realise they still have wonderful kids who love them both and still want to be involved in both their lives!

Answer 2

Oh sweetie my heart goes out to you so much. My parents split when i was 11 after years of arguing and shouting matches. I went through the same thing, rarely seeing my dad and my mum going into one over nothing all the time. I can see now it's because she was stressed but obviously that doesn't help you right now.
You need to catch your mum in a good mood and sit her down and talk to her. I fully believe you should defend yourself but you also need to appreciate what your mum is going through. She has just split from her husband and is now having to bring up 2 children on her own and on one wage (if she works) so she is bound to be under masses of pressure. Ask her what ou can do to help her and begin helping out more, you will never know how much she appreciates it. I had to do this, but my situation was somewhat different as my mum has an emotional breakdown after my dad left and so it was up to me to cook and do the general housework.
In regards to your dad, can you call him? Tell him you want to meet up, even if it's only for an hour or two to go to the park, or for a walk or even to MacDonalds. He will be really happy with you making the effort. If your mum is making it awkward for you, i know mine did, do it one the sly. call him from a phone box or something.
I would also suggest you speak to your teacher and ask if your school has a counsellor or someone you can talk to. Most schools have now and it will do you so much good you just can' imagine how you will feel after you talk to a complete stranger about it.

Anyway, good luck with it all and keep your chin up. It will get easier.

Answer 3

Please try not to worry too much I have been through exactly the same and I know how hard it is. Try keeping a diary that helped me loads to understand my own feelings and resentment. Also remember that you MUST grieve, it is important to grieve the loss of that relationship and ultimately you all need to grieve in your own ways which will often cause tension. Your mum needs you too and may not be able to say that she does as she is trying to be strong for you and your brother. See obviously had a different relationship with your dad, and see has to grieve for the loss of a husband and also the loss of her best friend, how would you feel if you lost your best friend? Try to be patient and remember the dark always comes before the dawn. Hang in there it will all work out for the best.

Answer 4

Your mother is going through a really tough time right now. Try to be patient and understanding with her. Maybe if you could get her to let you visit your dad every other weekend that might help. I know it must be difficult on you and your brother right now but in time maybe things will calm down and be somewhat normal again. I hate that you and your brother had to go though years of hearing them argue. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 5

MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR 11 YEARS. THEY FILED FOR DIVORCE WHEN I WAS 4. THEY LIVE 30 MINUTES APART. I GET TO SEE MY DAD ON WEDNDAYS AND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. HE GETS ME FOR 2 HOURS ON MY BIRTHDAY AND EVERY OTHER HOLIDAY. MY MOM YELLS AT ME FOR EVERY LITTLE THING TOO. BUT IM GETTING THROUGH IT ALL BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THEY LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT. IM GOING TO TELL YOU THAT ITS NOT EASY BUT NEVER GIVE UP. IT DOESNT HURT TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY. ITS THE HEALING POWER WHEN YOU GET HURT. I LOST COUNT ON HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE CRIED. IF YOU ARE OVER THE AGE OF 13 YOU CAN CHOOSE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE (WITH YOUR MOM OR YOUR DAD). SO WHENEVER YOU WANT TO GO TO THE OTHER PARENT YOU CAN. THIS HAS HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY BECAUSE WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO SEE MY DAD WHEN I WANT I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO SURVIVE. SO JUST STAY STRONG AND REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE 1000 OTHER KIDS WITH THE SAME PROBLEM. YOU CAN ALSO TALK TO YOUR COUNSELOR AT SCHOOL WHENEVER YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

Answer 6

Just remember your mum is under great pressure at the moment. She may be worried about money. She does love you but unfortunately, is taking her worries out on you but she doesn't mean any of it. As for your dad, he is an adult and is perfectly capable of making arrangements to see you. Or you can always contact him. Just bear with your mum for the time being. It will get better with time. Good luck.

Answer 7

Tell your mom and your dad that you are having a hard time dealing with this. Also let them know not to argue about things to you, that has to do with the divorce. Sometimes parents don't realize how they are affecting their children.

Answer 8

That is a really sad situation and not enviable at all.But for some of us who have that experience we understand what you are going through.Ask your mum for some time to sit and talk.You are both going through a hard time and by arguing you are just making it worse,you are supposed to be consoling each other.

Answer 9

YOu really need to talk to someone... consider talking to your counselor at school. There are a lot of emotions going on inside of you, as well as the stress in your mom and dad's life as well. They are facing the finality of their divorce, and your mom might not know where to direct her anger...since your dad is out of the house, and she really is dealing with anger, she aims it at you. She doens't mean it... but you may need someplace to unload your frustration. Your school counselor may be able to help you learn some coping skills to get through this.

Answer 10

Try telling them both that you are finding the situation very difficult & would appreciate if they did not involve you in their arguments & problems just because they do not love each other anymore they need to remember that you love them both & will not be taking sides.