The way he looks at me so deeply into my eyes
How i cant stop loving him till he dies
Its so hard to move on when my heart is still broken
Somtimes its so hard to breath and i feel like im chocken
All my tears for him is like a waterfall
And know matter how hard i try i cant brake through that wall
He takes my breath away
Leaveing me with nothing to say
With my last words i say good bye
Hoping he says it back with a tear in his eye
2006-07-04 07:17:09 · 22 answers · asked by daddys lil girl 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Has some merit in parts, but 'feel like im chocken"
OHHH PLEASE
2006-07-04 07:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by Renegade 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are some spelling errors. And the rhyme scheme is off. I would suggest trying to fit that poem into some simple sort of rythem, like iambic pentameter, thats what I usualy write mine in. But The story line is pretty good. But why does the girl say goodbye?
2006-07-04 15:59:03 · answer #2 · answered by imahackingmuffin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Er....don't know if this really belongs in the joke section... anyway, it's a good poem, but there's a few spelling errors and the rhythm is off. Try reading it aloud to yourself and you'll see, or counting the syllables of each line. I do like the last two lines, though, so keep it up!
2006-07-04 14:24:10 · answer #3 · answered by KousukeAsazuki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just recieved a call from my girlfriend and she told me this poem. I thought she made it up and told her how great of her for making such a great poem!
Now I saw it is copied, but I liked it a lot.
Please write a poem for me to give her!!
P.S. She edited it coz I'm still with her. But it was great with sorrow, feelings, emotion (romance, heartbreak, etc.)
I wish I could award you 100 pts for best poem. But this is the joke section, so is this poem a joke! I hope not!
2006-07-04 14:46:36 · answer #4 · answered by Patrick Mondal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was a really good poem. Keep it up. I know how difficult love can be, and sometimes you dont know how to express yourself. I've been in love before, my first love, its been 7 monthes since we broke up, but I still love him, part of me always will, and its ok to cry over a guy.
2006-07-04 14:57:18 · answer #5 · answered by Princess Gemini 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this poem reacts in my mind
how can i stop reading when i find
it's so hard to stop when my brain is workin'
it's so hard to stop thinking and i am chockin'
all my tears for you have formed a lake
no matter how hard i try i can not bake a cake (for goodness sake!)
my wit faints
leaving me insane(ts)
with my last line i say to thee
hope you enjoyed this indeed.
:-)
2006-07-04 14:55:26 · answer #6 · answered by unknown u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poem aside let me know if this is how you feel in 5 yrs.
2006-07-04 15:42:47 · answer #7 · answered by ticklefoot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a song writer and i love it .
Very passionate,romantic,heart felt, you should become a song writer.
2006-07-04 14:26:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some parts sound a little too akward. some words don't really fit either, but it's good.
2006-07-04 14:31:48 · answer #9 · answered by DBSG/SS501_fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is great all u need to do is spell check and u r good to go
2006-07-04 15:36:21 · answer #10 · answered by Alexia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too much ryming for my taste i like free style but not bad of what it is also to sad
2006-07-04 14:59:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋