how do i deal with my nans death?

Question

she died 2 weeks ago and i cant believe wot has happened she died from lung and brain cancer bad i know she was the braveist pearson i know yet she didnt have no treatment and died in her sleep on the wednesday 2 weeks ago weve had her funeral last wednesday but i really miss her, i cant talk to my familly coz we are not that close we hold it all in help me.

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss.

When my mother died a few years ago, someone in a club I was in sent me the following verse. It gave myself and my family a great deal of comfort....it was even read out at her funeral service and the priest kept a copy for himself.

I hope you can draw some comfort from it as well.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When somebody dies, a cloud turns into
an angel, and flies up to tell God
to put another flower on a pillow.
A bird gives the message back to
the world, and sings a silent prayer
that makes the rain cry.
People disappear,
but they never really go away.
The spirits up there put the sun to bed,
wake up grass, and spin the
earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you
can see them dancing in a cloud during
the day-time, when they're supposed
to be sleeping. They paint the rain-bows
and also the sunsets and make
waves splash and tug at the tide.
They toss shooting stars and listen to
wishes. And when they sing wind-
songs, they whisper to us, don't
miss me too much. The view is nice
and I'm doing just fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Take care....

Answer 2

I'm really sorry about your nan's death. I know that right now, everything hurts really bad, but I promise you, it will get better. I lost my mother almost three years ago, and I still think of her every day. Like your nan, she died a bad and long death. Here's what I used to help me....

1) Would your nan have wanted to live in the condition she was in?

2) Would she have been able to live without life support?

3) Would she have been in constant pain?

My mother was a vibrant and intelligent soul. She told us frequently that she didn't want to be put on life support UNLESS there was even a slim hope that she would pull out of it and be able to be her independent self. If we couldn't guarantee that, we were to let her go....

It sounds like your nan was basically the same type of person.

One lady I knew who had leukemia told me that sometimes the treatment is worse than the disease itself. Evidently, your nan felt that this was the best way for her.

So, in the short form, know that she did what she wanted to do---think of all the good things and all the good times---don't dwell on the death and the illness.

She will always live on in your memories, and if you can't have her, you can always remember----and smile----.

That's my comfort, and I hope it will help you, too! God bless you and your family.

Answer 3

Might be worth contacting your GP to discuss going to bereavement counselling.

Cruse Bereavement Care
Cruse House, 126 Sheen Road, Richmond TW9 1UR
Tel: [phone]
Website: www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

London Bereavement Forum
356 Holloway Road, London N7 6PA
Tel: [phone]
Website: www.bereavement.org.uk/about

Finding a counsellor

Sometimes a bereavement support group may suggest you see a more highly or specifically trained counsellor, such as a counsellor registered with the BAC (British Association of Counselling), who would work with you in greater depth over a longer period. The BAC also provides a list of approved counsellors in every area of the country. These counsellors do charge a fee.

British Association of Counselling
1 Regent Place, Rugby CV1 2PJ
Information Line: 01788 578328
Website: www.bacp.co.uk

Answer 4

Hi Stacy - so sorry to hear about your loss. my Grandad died almost 3 years ago and I still think about him every day. I find it hard to believe I wont see him again, its like hes on an extended holiday - very strange. I cried every day after he went, unfortunately he went very quickly so I couldnt even say goodbye. I think I felt really 'on edge' for about a month, then little by little, I managed to focus on the good memories I had of him and they helped me get through. Im entering another sad phase at the moment as Im getting married in 5 weeks and he wont be there (well, not in person) on the day. But I know hes in a better place and I personally believe hes watching me and knows how much I love him. I dream about him a lot at the moment, in my dreams he helps me with various tasks, so I take comfort in these thoughts. Stay strong. I agree with someones suggestion of writing down your feelings, as you havent got a close family member to speak to. If you find this isnt helping, def speak to a counsellor as bottling it up will make you ill. Good luck for the future, chick. Bxx

Answer 5

I've had a couple grandparents die before and my mom's mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer not too long ago so she'll be dying soon too. I wish that I could better help you but I've never had problems over grieving for a dead relative. I guess it's best to remember what they were like in life. If you are a religious person then you can say that she's in a better place now. I guess what I think could help the most would be to think of the happy times that you had with them.

Answer 6

I am so sorry about your nan but she wouldn't want to see those tears now would she?

I was very very close to my dad - he died 4 years ago, he too had cancer but we only found out after his death (he didn't tell anyone). Anyway, without going into full detail, he gave me these words:

I am happy, I am free, there's no need to cry for me, if you keep me in your heart, we will never ever part.

I talk to him every day because I believe he comes and sits with me or walks in the garden with me. I laugh over silly things I would normally share with him. Sound daft??? Try it.

Answer 7

It's hard when you lose someone. If they've been very ill it's a mixture of relief and grief. Relief that she is out of pain and grief at the thought of never seeing her again.

Unfortunately there aren't any short cuts to the grieving process and you will just have to give it time. Time to get used to not having her around. You will always miss her but time heals the pain. Besides, she will always be looking over you so make sure you lead a good life and make her proud. Xx

Answer 8

To: stacy A... To help you get over your Nan's death.....

regardless of your religion/beliefs:

Just go and sit in ANY church [you don't even need to pray].
Then'open your mind/heart' to your Nan' and just "talk" to her as you would've done when you use to visit her [or she,you].Also,
remember the happy times you had together and the funny things you shared that made you both, at least,smile!

I did this when my Mother, then my Father died!

Believe me...IT WORKS!! You will come out of that church feeling such calm and peace.Perhaps even closer to her than you've ever been.

By-the-way... I am not suffering from "religous mania"

I'm just a 'Good Catholic'

God Bless you,...Always!!

Cheers for now. FROM: 'tottie-for-lol'

Answer 9

call these ppl for free advice, my wife died of cancer and these ppl help you through the grief too. A Macmillan nurse will talk to you. http://www.macmillan.org.uk/home.aspx

also this number..........http://www.samaritans.org/
these will listen too you every night and day.............If you need a shoulder to cry on.........

You are not alone, having someone close to you die is very scary, but it also brings you too reality and face to face you realise that each day you live you to the full. Make the most of what you have and if you don't like things then its your life to make that change and go for it. Your grandmother is in a place where there is no pain and no hurt. Depending on your believes of course but i believe she is looking down on you, saying damn girl cheer up will you. Celebrate life and you will never have to let go of her but she will be a part of you and give you strength. good luck........

Answer 10

I suffered so bad when my nan died three years ago honey. I still get upset now over stuff. There are various reasons why.

If you want to talk to someone who was very close to there nan then send me a message, and I'll gladly talk with you.