say something funny and i'll give u 10 points?

Question

make me laugh

Answer 1

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...................49

Adventurous..............Slept with everyone

Athletic.................No ****

Average looking..................................Ugly

Beautiful................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure......................On medication

Feminist.................Fat

Free spirit....................................Junkie

Friendship first..........................Former slut

Fun......................Annoying

New-Age.................Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned............No BJs

Open-minded..............Desperate

Outgoing.................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............Sloppy drunk

Professional.............*****

Voluptuous...............Very Fat

Large frame................................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

DICTIONARY OF WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want..

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY OF MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

Answer 2

There is this man who is on a way to his girlfreinds house for dinner, but on the way his car brakes down in front of a car shop, he was in a hurry, so he decides to buy a motorcicle. The car dealer says that if he doesn't want it to get rain damage to put vagisil on the seat, that way rain will just slide off. So he buys the motorcicle, and gets to his girlfriends house. Since there were so many dishes, nobody wanted to do them, so the father sugests that the first person who talks has to do them. The boyfriend decided to do anything he possible could in order to not have to do the dishes. First he start f u c k i n g his girlfriend on the table, but nobody respondes, so he takes the sister and starts doing the same thing, no response, so he takes the wife and does the same thing, no response. Then the boyfriend notices that its about to rain, so he takes out the vagisil and the husband says "$crew this, I'll do the dishes"

Answer 3

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers

Answer 4

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...........

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign "

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."

Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the Lawyer and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

Here's another one:
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


And another one:
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."

The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month."

And another one:
It was his first time at this convention, and on the first day he heard someone yell out the number, "34!" Everyone burst out laughing. He thought that was kind of strange. Then someone yelled out, "87," and again everyone started to laugh. This went on for quite sometime. Finally, he asked a co-worker what the number calling was all about.

The co-worker replied, "We are so busy that we have a book of jokes that everyone has memorized and to save time we just yell out the number."

That night the guy went home and memorized the whole book. The next day while at work the guy yelled out, "52," and everyone just looked at him strangely.

He went back to work. Someone else yelled out the number, "68," and everyone laughed hysterically. So, he yelled out, "29," and again everyone just looked at him strangely, so he put his head down and went back to work.

Later that day at lunch, he asked the co-worker, "Why when I yelled out a number no one laughed?"

The co-worker replied "Well, you know how it is, some people can tell a joke and some people can't!"

Answer 5

yo momma so dumb she asked me what comes after x i said y she said cause i wanna know.DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...................49

Adventurous..............Slept with everyone

Athletic.................No ****

Average looking..........................

Beautiful................Patho... liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure......................On medication

Feminist.................Fat

Free spirit...........................

Friendship first............................ ****

Fun......................Annoy...

New-Age.................Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned............No BJs

Open-minded..............Despe...

Outgoing.................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............Slopp... drunk

Professional.............*****

Voluptuous...............Very Fat

Large frame............................ Fat

Wants Soul mate.............................

DICTIONARY OF WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want..

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY OF MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

Answer 6

Did you hear the this one? What's the difference between an orange?

Answer 7

The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass green and the flowers too, if rain makes everything beautful, then why doesn't it rain on you?!?!??!

Answer 8

it is ok 2 be sad


i eat some dirt
i eat some grass
i used my hand
to wipe my tears

Answer 9

hello today i'm going to tell you a story of a boy name little johhny, who was poor and lived on a farm listen carfully children......

Answer 10

How come they have door signs that say DO NOT ENTER and right under it says PULL?