my son is 20 months and the past few weeks i have noticed that whenever i bring him to the shop he will cry and cry till he gets what he wants for example i brought him to the shop today and he lay on the ground outside and would not move because i didnt get him something as i am a loan parent i cant leave him anywhere when going to the shop.. is it just something kids do or how am i suppose to control it?
2006-07-04 05:43:41 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
plus we are going on vacation tomorrow for 2 weeks and im not sure how to keep him calm on the flight its for 4 and a half hours
2006-07-04 05:58:30 · update #1
Well, kids are very smart and once they hit a pattern like "tantrum = gift" they are not likely to stop. What they need is consistency. If they think they can get away with it (even as an outside chance) they will continue to do it.
Fortunately I was warned about this ahead of time - my mom had a day care - and I started right off with my kids on a strict "tantrum = spanking at worst, nothing at best" pattern.
I have said to them out in public (loud enough that others can hear even) "Don't think I will not spank you out in public! These people know that is what you do and they don't want to hear you yelling either". That surely surprises them (particularly if you repeat it right in their ear, so you know they hear you, calm and very serious). If they persist a good swipe on the behind will sometimes shock them into silence. If mine continue to carry on they get the grab by the arm and uncomfortably carried (or quick step tug maneuver for bigger kids) all the way to the car. If they wiggle around to get out of arms, I carry them upside down a bit (hard to cry upside down) - by one leg and one arm if I have to. They don't like that.
If you already have this problem, I would suggest arranging a couple trips like this where you don't have anything to do really. Go for a pack of gum or whatever and leave enough time for the argument, so that you can remain calm and explain to the child all the whle "This is the way it is - you don't always get a toy. If you have a temper tantrum you get nothing. Period." I would also explain it to him before you go and while you are in the car.
Of course he is likely to only understand the first 2 words, but you are making a rule and giving due notice. Great to be able to say before going out "We are going shopping for one thing, I can't not get you a toy today. Right? Not Today." Repeat it in the car. When you are there and he picks something up you say Not Today, or some such. When he has his temper tantrum you have the time and patience to calmly discipline him. Once he sees this in action a few times he will start to realize that this is the way - though when he asks nicely or occasionally you will want to reward him, i am sure.
For our family I tell them temper can never be rewarded. Even if I wanted to give them what they want, as soon as the temper starts the answer will always be no. Tantrums in the house are met with us all acting like we don't even hear it "I can't hear you when you carry on - when you can calmly tell me what the problem is we can deal with it then." Mine are 3 and 6.
I hope this helps and doesn't ramble too much. It is so infuriating when they behave this way - I had no idea I could get so angry! But I find what makes me the angriest is that I want to be doing something else (rushing off to here or whatever) and I don't want to have to mess around with this nonsense. Maybe that is it - the kids feel like we are preoccupied with our next task that we are not paying enough attention to them and they figure if they throw themselves on the ground and cry in public we will have to pay attention to them - everyone will.
Pehaps a little extra play time together before the outing would be helpful in keeping the kids cooperative during the day. Maybe 15-30 mins of them being in charge of play time will make them more cooperative with us on our outing. I'll try it. Thanks!
Peace!
2006-07-04 06:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard of the terrible twos? He is right at that age. Kids do this to see who has the control and you need to let him know that you are boss. It is so terribly embarrassing when a kid does that but this is what you do. DONT SPANK OR THREATEN
Let them throw the tantrum and ingnore it. Once they know that you will not react to it they will stop. Once he is a little older tell him that if wants to act like that he can go to his room and cry on the floor. Let him kick scream and yell. He will see that he isnt getting the reaction out of you that he wants, besides it takes a lot of energy to throw a tantrum you might even get him to take a nap out of it. Its hard and you will get looks but its what is best.
2006-07-04 12:49:58 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids need routine. Have a time out chair or rug that you pick him up and place him on whenever he acts out. You can bring the rug with you to the shop. He cannot get up until he says he's sorry. If he gets up, you keep placing him back. The first few times he could get up over and over and over. You might think you're going to lose your mind. But think of the alternative. If he's got your number , then you are in for a LONG LONG time of tantrums. Don't give in. Tell him, this is your time out rug. You may not get up until you calm down and tell me that you're sorry. That's ALL you say. When he finally gives in and says he's sorry, hug him and tell him thankyou.
If you don't give up ....I promise this will work. He can scream all he wants as long as he's on the rug.
2006-07-04 12:51:16 · answer #3 · answered by Betho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tantrums are common in every child. Its how they get what they want. i have 3 kids the first time my oldest threw a tantrum i panicked gave her exactly what she wanted to shut her up and i didn't want anyone to think me horrible so then it become a ritual. finally i had it. we were in the toy aisle she threw herself kicking and screaming to the ground. I told her no she wasn't and i was firm but told her when she was through with her fit i would be in the next aisle. i turned and walked into the next aisle. she was confused and all those people looking at her she got up and quietly walked over and stood with me and i never had to deal with that again until my middle child did it and as a "prize" i would allow them to ride the automatic pony outside the store after the fit we didn't ride the pony we marched right by it and got in the vehicle and cut the day short for 2 months they would remind each other as they were getting seat belted in they had to be good or no pony. the key is be firm and don't give into them it will teach them to continue because you will give in and you shouldn't reward bad behavior.
2006-07-04 22:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by candi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a bad habit. If you keep buying him everything he wants, it's gonna be hard to break the habit later on. Explin to him that tantrums will not get him what he wants. Everytime he gets a tantrum come up with some type of a punishment. For example he cant watch one of his fav. tv shows everytime he gets a tantrum or something like that.
2006-07-04 12:50:13 · answer #5 · answered by SuNsHiNe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he does this you need to say "throwing a tantrum is NOT going to get you what you want."
then, immediately leave the store and go home, telling him that he won't be able to come anywhere with you if he acts like that.
it will take several times, and i realize that it is an inconvenience to leave everything in your shopping cart in the middle of an aisle and abandon it, but if you don't deal with this now it will just become a bigger problem.
2006-07-04 13:41:17 · answer #6 · answered by butwhatdoiknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not unusual for kids this age to throw tantrums to get what they want.
If you give in to them, they will naturally do it more and longer. They may do it all their life.
Do NOT give in to his tantrums. He will quickly realize they are useless. This is important. If you have to leave the store and go home because he is absolutely unmanageable, then do it.
Your child is learning how to approach life. Don't teach him that tantrums are the way to get what you want. I know it is hard but you gotta be firm on this one.
good luck
keep at it
by the way, kids are worth it
2006-07-04 12:49:25 · answer #7 · answered by enginerd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T give in! It's a battle of wills, and if you let him win once, you'll be teaching him that his tantrums work. Let him fuss and fuss and fuss.
Before you go, explain that if he behaves this way, he will NOT get what he wants, and if he behaves well, you will give him a treat. When you have a trip where he doesn't do this, reward him with a treat. He will learn that good behavior is rewarded, bad behavior gets him nowhere.
2006-07-04 12:48:41 · answer #8 · answered by flamingo_sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
41/2 flight canary islands?tantrums the more you give in to the child the more he will do it .say no and mean no and at the end of the week if has no more tantrums then treat him for being good.itll yake time but you,ll get there in the end.
2006-07-08 15:17:51 · answer #9 · answered by irlamboyo1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but he is male and males hate to shop!!!!
But seriously you will have to control it, and I applaud you for wanting to do that. I see kids of all ages running around screaming and the parents do nothing. Yes, there are other people and they don't want to hear your screaming kid. Plus you will be doing your child a wonderful service in teaching them "control" and manners in order to live in a civilized society.
2006-07-04 12:45:51 · answer #10 · answered by neelyohara2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋