A good friend & I have been sexually active for 9 months now. I feel very guilty because he has a girlfriend. They are not happy together & are just with each other for convenience. I have feelings for him but would not want to be the cause of them spliting up. It used to be that just the two of us hung out and were friends but now we have started hanging out with his girlfriend. As I get to know her, I am feeling worse and worse. I am having trouble walking away because I do like him. But the guilt is not worth maintaining the relationship because it goes against my morals and values. I have never done this before & have learned my lesson about the future but he made me feel good about myself, after getting out of a very long relationship. I feel bad for his girlfriend so I am tempted to tell her, because I feel that if I am honest & get it off my chest...it will be like confession. Should I tell her? How to I tell him how I feel, even though I really do not want it to end?
2006-07-04 05:40:57 · 12 answers · asked by triathlon1979 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to tell him how you feel.. maybe he feels the same way. What you can't do is let this go on any longer. Being cheated on makes you feel so stupid and it's the worst feeling in the world. Think about what you would do if you were her. Even if the relationship is just out of convenience, they've got to be together still for some reason. Make him choose because he can't have his cake and eat it too. It's not fair to you and its not fair to his girlfriend. If he doesn't feel the same about you then you need the chance to be able to move on. I'm glad that you learned your lesson because usually friends-with-benefits relationships end when one of them finds a girlfriend or boyfriend
i hope everything works out for you!
2006-07-04 05:45:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok. DON'T TELL HER....seriously, you don't want to leave this situation with any visable scars. What you DO want to do is LEAVE this dude alone, STOP sleeping with him, and remove yourself away from the entire situation. Although he may seem like your entire world, he is but only one man among million and millions. You need to branch out, find yourself again (because obviously you're having some self esteem issues - don't ever confuse sex and love...bad mistake), and then walk away and get over it as soon as you can possibly get over it. Bad bad sticky situation, and luckily your morals are still intact because you actually feel guilt at this point. Good. That's God leaving a burden on your heart telling you what to do. I hope I didn't offend you in this and perhaps helped some. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-07-04 12:51:02 · answer #2 · answered by KiWi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not feel guilty about this. There is nothing to be ashamed about in love. If you say they're together for convenience, she might not be as hurt as you think she would be if he brakes up with her. If he cares about you, he'll understand why you need something serious. And if he is with her because of convenience, and doesn't mind cheating on her, i think he would want to be with you too. It only depends on how important the gains of that relationship are to him, and how materialist he is; if he is such a person, you might have some trouble getting him to brake up with her. As for telling her about what you did, i don't think you should. It would only get her angry with you, and with him, which will cause him to be angry with you for telling.
2006-07-04 12:50:14 · answer #3 · answered by lucantropeea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a relationship with you and being in a relationship with someone else, is dishonest and cheating. This is an insult to you!!! He doesn't want to be with you exclusively and he is hoping you will allow him to continue with his girlfriend. Wake up my darling, there is only one winner here - and it ain't you.
You have taken on the burden of guilt - stop the relationship - stops the cheating, lying and guilt. I'm not blaming you - you are the victim - stop it now.
2006-07-04 12:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! I've been there........years ago.I cared for him so much and he told me he loved me.It lasted about 3-4 months,finally, one day he told me he was going to leave her for me and she MIGHT be pregnant.I had never met her. But I couldn't do that to someone,I wouldn't want it done to me.So,I told him it was over,boy that hurt! And that if the relationship ended on its own, then we could talk.But I wasen't about to break up something like that.At least you have a conscious.
I would advise to tell him the same thing.And about telling her,I wouldn't, let sleeping dogs lie. There is ALWAYS someone better & single tha will come along.
Best Wishes.
2006-07-04 12:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by moonstruck_ru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT tell her. Be the wise one and walk away. It will hurt at first, but believe me, morals and convictions are more worthy than feelings. The trouble in America here (and I do love this place) is that we have become soft. Advertisers have succeeded in getting us to use feelings rather than our brain to reason. Reason with this predicament you are in and get out while it is still reasonably possible.
2006-07-04 12:45:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take my advice. Follow your heart, like most saggitarians do. Believ me, you are the only person in this wide world who knows whats best for you. Dont supress anything. Go ahead and follow your heart. May God be with you.
2006-07-04 12:43:23 · answer #7 · answered by sachin p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do an about face, put one foot in front of the other and dont look back. when this two timer breaks up with his girlfriend then maybe you can feel ok with the idea of seeing him again.
2006-07-04 12:45:48 · answer #8 · answered by Fergy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just find another man? If you think your life is hard you should try living mine. I have no hope for a future of any kind
2006-07-04 12:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by lefty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 where did you get your values?are they consistent with normal life?do you have a roadmap for your life?i do know that confusion does not come from above,hope you the best.
2006-07-04 12:50:49 · answer #10 · answered by Ferrell P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋