Her parents won't care, who should I tell?

Question

I just posted about my gf (she's 16) who's been cutting herself, it's definitely not just accidental scratches on her legs, it's quite deep cuts and they look pretty nasty. I'm really worried about her but she won't talk to me about it and she won't admit to cutting herself either.

Her parents aren't very caring towards her, she was in care for a while when she was younger but eventually went back to her mum and dad. They don't really pay her any attention and they would just tell her she was being stupid if they knew she was cutting. They're in the middle of getting a divorce just now and spend the whole time fighting, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't help.

I don't know who to tell, or if I even should tell anyone. She'll probably hate me if I tell someone, but I'm worried about her. I think she needs help, she's pretty depressed and I think she should go to the doctor but I don't know how to tell her without her getting mad.

Answer 1

be there for her as much as you can, get on to the NSPCC or CHildline.

Answer 2

Very tricky this. If you go behind her back its likely to create the opposite reaction to what you want. I went through a stage of cutting my arm between 14-16. I bear the scars which are deep and I get embarrased when people notice them although if they ask I will tell. I think you have to be brave and confront her with it in as gentle and loving a way you can. Offer to go with her to see someone, maybe your G.P rather than hers! You obviously care alot so she's lucky in that sense. Dont automatically dismiss her parents but if there is a family friend or an adult you feel is responsible enough to deal with this that she is close to tell them. She's gotta want to stop and realise that its not only herself she's hurting when she does this.

Answer 3

Definitely not an expert on this, but if you can somehow get her to talk about the things in her life that may be bugging her at the minute it might help. If she has strong religious beliefs, you could talk to her priest (rabbi, imam, whatever the appropriate title) and share your concerns, otherwise try a school guidance counsellor/teacher that she trusts. Whatever you do, don't hassle or pressure her. The divorce and historical lack of concern from her parents could well be underlying problems. Be supportive, be concerned and most of all, be a friend.

Hope this doesn't sound too preachy, but I think you are right to be concerned. It could escalate. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you care about her AT ALL, put that concern above any fear you may have about her hating you.

SHE NEEDS HELP. Call social services. She's a minor, and they are best equipped to help. If you don't know how to contact them, call a medical clinic, and they will point you in the right direction (it seems that these places don't have consistent names from one community to another, so I cannot help you with that, sadly). You might look under "Child Protective Services."

Please, PLEASE get her help. You may be the only person in the world advocating for her. One of the greatest actions you will take in this life is set before you right now...loving someone else enough to put them first.

I wish there were a way for you to let me know how things go. I was a "cutter" when I was 12-13, so I understand the suicidal desire that drives this self-mutilation. She's REALLY hurting inside, and she needs you to get help for her.

I'll be praying for both of you. God Bless.

Answer 5

YES, you should tell someone. Your girlfriend is hurting inside, and so lost that she is acting out in this way. From the sound of her upbringing, it's easy to imagine that her pain is deep.
Would your parents be caring aa resource for her?
What about a teacher from school?
Someone from work or Church?
Your doctor?
If none of them are available, is there a mental health association in your area?
If she does get mad at you for "telling on her," and that is a risk you take at first. Once she gets help, hopefully she will forgive you.

Answer 6

You need to tell a school counsler, a teacher, or some responsible adult. You know what she is doing is dangerous or you wouldn't have asked this question. She may get mad at you at first, but she'll get over it once she realizes you were doing the right thing

Answer 7

Tell her that you love her and that you want her to stop doing this . Tell her that it hurts you when she does this. Tell her that whenever she feels like doing this instead to write down her feelings in a journal or call you and talk to you about what she is upset about. The main thing she needs is to feel that someone loves her . Try to just be there for her.
I am an ex cutter/ burner, now a grandma.

Answer 8

Call Child Welfare Services. Anyone under 18 is still a child. They will handle it. You can also talk to your own parents or someone at school. Yes, your girlfriend will be furious, but you could save her life. You can risk her getting mad at you if it's a matter of her health and safety, right?

Answer 9

Please go to a teacher in her school. She must soon get some kind of professional help. A teacher or counselor in her school would know how to keep it confidential about where the info came from if you truthfully explain it to them. Or call her family doctor and give them the info anonymously. Or go to one of her other relatives and tell what you know. Please don't keep this just to yourself. If she did worse things to herself you would feel terrible knowing that there was a way you could've prevented more harm. You seem smart and seem to care about this friend, you can't ever go wrong in life trying to help someone.

Answer 10

HEY!!!
I USED TO DO THE SAME THING AND IT WAS MY BOYFRIEND WHO HELPED ME, DO NOT ASK HER TO SEE A DOCTOR BELIVE ME DAT WILL JUST MAKE MATTERS WORSE TRY N SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER AND SAY MORE POSITIVE THING THAT WILL MAKE HER FELL BETTER ABOUT HERSELF TELL HER U LOVE HER N NO MATTER WOT U WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER STAND BY HER IIF SHE LEARNS TO TRUST U SHE WILL COME OUT WITH IT IN HER OWN TIME N NOT BE4 DONT PUSH HER IN TO SAYING ANYTHING TRY N GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE AS MANY TIMES AS U CAN SHOW HER THAT LIFE WILL BE GR8 WITH JUST U N HER BUT DNT GIVE UP ON HER WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT SHE WILL OPEN UP TO U. ALL THE BEST GOOD LOOK.X

Answer 11

Do your parents care? If she is your girlfriend, and you are serious with her, I would think that your parents would care. I hope your parents will treat her like theirs, and be able to extend their tender, loving, care to her. She is lucky to have a bf like you who really cares. I hope she is even luckier to have her bf's parents love her too.

If your parents are not the type to meddle with other family's affair, then I would suggest you see if there is a teacher you and her can trust. I really believe that you have to bring this matter to the attention of a loving adult who really cares to help.

She may get upset with you in the near future. But, I rather have my friend got upset with me, when I was trying to help him/her to get out of a desperate situation, than to grief over my friend's dead body later, and regret that I did nothing to help him/her...