What do you do when your imperfections have pushed away the one you love?

Question

I always complain, that is my imperfection. And he has done nothing wrong. I love him so much, and I don't want to lose him. But he has asked me if I'd like to break up, because he feels that he's constantly letting me down, constantly hurting me. I couldn't bear to lose him, and I've told him that. I'm trying to change, just for him, but I don't think it's working...

Answer 1

Just take it one step at a time. It's not always easy changing certain negative characteristics about ur self in one day so that's why u have to take it slowly. I would suggest u sit down with him and discuss with him exactly how u feel. Start off by apologizing for the way u've been acting lately then give him the real reason as to wat stirred on these emotions. Explain to him that u are really trying to change but it just doesn't seem to be working. I wouldn't advise u 2 to take a break cause it may further complicate things so just stick with him and try hard to make it work. When u find ur self falling into old habits, just imagine wat ur life would be like without him. Try to show more appreciation for him and ur relationship because in a world filled with so mucn deception, lying and cheating it's really hard to find that special someone so never take him for granted cause if u do and u lose him, u will regret it for the rest of ur life cause some other girl may come along and give ur guy all the love and affection ur ur finding so hard to dispense to him right now. So always remember those things cause an opportunity once lost can never be regained.

Answer 2

First of all - You should NEVER change for anyone else. Change only for yourself or don't change at all because in the end - trust me - it will only make you miserable.
Secondly - why are you with a guy who you feel you should change for? If you're a complainer then somewhere out there is a man who gets off on women who love nothing better than a big winge!!
Instead of whining every time you open your mouth, stop yourself and try to think of something nice to say instead. Don't over-do it though - some things are worth complaining about - you just need to pick out what you think is and isn't.
I feel sorry for you - you must have quite a sad life if you are constantly complaining. Join a laughter club or something similar and make your life a happy one girlfriend!! good luck xox

Answer 3

The way I see it, you have one of two choices:
1. Accept your imperfection. You're never going to be perfect, at least not in everyone's mind, all the time. Think about it, have you EVER had a relationship with ANYONE, boyfriend or otherwise, where both of you thought the other was perfect every single day of your lives? Imperfections are a part of life, so there's nothing wrong with saying "Screw it, that's who I am, and I don't want to change it."
2. Change it. If you really do think it's detrimental, change. No excuses. Ask people for advice, look for info on the net, get help if you need it, read books. As human beings we're endowed with that gift; we can find our weaknesses, analyze them, and CHANGE them. It takes work and patience, but it's possible.

Or, you could just moan about it, but I wouldn't recommend that.

Answer 4

You can either
1) Change. Changing is hard, but the habit of complaining about things is also a negative in your life as it makes you focused on everything that's wrong and not grateful for the good things. You could start off by finding one or two things a day to complement your love on. And also making a gratitude list everyday, write down 5 things you are grateful for that day.

2) Decide you are the way you are. In the long run you might end up with someone with thicker skin. He might not be very sensitive to your needs as he may be the type to turn the volume control turned down big time when you complain. But we all know people who are very critical who are married to nice tolerant people.

Answer 5

Look...

NOTHING is more important than being with the one(s) you love.

You are aware of the problem... that's the first step. It's really important, if you love someone... to present then with the the best atmosphere for a pleasant life.

Complaining accomplishes nothing... except maybe makes YOU feel better. However, it's at the expense of the people around you... or the one.

Did you notice? How much you complained about him, in your QUESTION?

I know, that there is a reason you complain.... but, you can make people aware of your wants, needs and objections without COMPLAINING. If a person cares about you, they will be PROACTIVE about fixing problems... Rather then you have to be RAMMING IT DOWN THEIR THROAT.

so...

Lighten up... trust... find alternate ways to communicate.

Good luck... You sound NICE... except for that ONE BIG BUG.

Answer 6

Maybe you should get some professional help. Why would you see faults that obviously no one else sees? You should start saying to yourself EVERY DAY, "I am beautiful. There is no one like me!" One day you will believe it. You NEED to believe it, because there is someone special who believes it already. So, your choices are to believe it, or lose a good thing. Plain and simple. Whatever or whoever made you feel this way, is WRONG. Somewhere inside you, you know it, too, so start believing in yourself.

Answer 7

You have to be completely selfish! You will have to do some personal work either with a counsellor or self help. Ask him to stand back and let you grow and you will then both end up with the best partner, but that might not be each other.

Answer 8

You may just need to chalk it up to experience, and learn from it.

Take some time to work on yourself, whether it's counseling or some other means of introspection. Do what you can to unload your baggage and bad habits.

We are not really capable of giving or receiving UNCONDITIONAL love until we love ourselves. So make that a goal before you start pursuing a relationship.

Answer 9

I'm dealing with something similar. I ended up single again because if someone can't love me for who I am not matter what the circumstances they don't deserve me or you. You don't want to live with a shallow loser for the rest of your days do you? Someone more like you will come along.

Answer 10

When/if you Love someone, you should love their imperfections too. Love isn't a 'Pick & Choose' situation. You're either in it or not. People talk about 'Falling' in love. Love is like a pond. If you fall in it, all of you gets wet.