temper tantrums?

Question

i have a 2 year old son who throws a temper tantrum at least once a day. they consist of him screaming, hitting me, throwing things at me, biting me, pinching me and throwing himself(even hitting his head off of the wall). when he does something bad, i try to put him on the couch for a "time-out" and that's when everything gets worse. if anyone has any ideas as to what to do, please help me. i've tried everything

Answer 1

If he is rested and not hungry, then he is trying to get attention and has learned that you will give him lots of attention when he throws a fit. Obviously the "time out" isn't working for you. Walk away. Give him no eye contact, no verbal except "I will not be by you when you act like this". Walk away, don't speak. At first his tantrums will get worse, but he will come around as long as you are consistent and follow through. Also pay attention to what precedes the tantrums and try to distract him before things go downhill.

Answer 2

Wow! I have had three kids already and have never experienced temper tantrums of that magnitude. Why are you letting him do this to you? Try ignoring him first, nothing like feeding into a temper tantrum! Kids usually throw tantrums because they are not getting what they want, or how they want it. Good lesson to teach them is that life isn't always about them all the time. Sometimes you just don't get what you want or expect, that's life, nobody ever said it was fair. Don't feed into it or he will continue. It will be a big pain in the *** at first but eventually he'll get the point. He shouldn't be allowed to bite or hit or pinch, that's not acceptable. Mine would get flicked on their lips for trying to bite...I don't know about hitting since none of them have ever lashed out at me that way...I think they know they'd get it. Let him throw himself around, once he hurts himself he'll realize that he maybe shouldn't do that. My grandmother told me that her youngest used to bang her head on the wall when she didn't get what she wanted and my grandfather was all worried about it. My grandma said that "She'll stop when it hurts badly enough". So true!! You're child will only do what you allow him to get away with, and treat you how you allow him to treat you. Teach him some respect early, respect goes both ways and he's definately doesn't have any for you right now if he feels he can abuse you. Shame kids have more rights than parents seem to these days.
In an extreme case...your child COULD have a disability...and that's extreme. Have you had his hearing checked? Can he verbalize his needs? These thing should be apparent by his age. I started noticing my middle daughter was delayed at 2 years of age, and she has trouble verbalizing/communicating. It's been difficult but somehow we've managed to get through it without her having to hit, bite or pinch me or physically hurt herself, to get her point across, it can be done. Set boundaries and consequences for crossing them, and then be consistant. Best wishes!

Answer 3

First of all, your approach is good. Whatever you do -- don't use violence of any kind - avoid spanking, or shaming. Make sure your voice is calm and you don't react in the same manner he is reacting. This will just excite him more. Here are a couple of ideas.
1. Figure out why your child is having the temper tantrum. For example if your son wants a toy and you say no then just keep repeating to him - you want the toy? He needs to know you understand. Sometime kids are having a tantrum because they don't think you understand.

2. I used to try to get my son to calm down by pretending my fingers were birthday candles and tell him he needed to blow them out. I would hold my finger out and he would blow on them. When he blew a slow gentle breathe I would lower a finger. It taught him to use breathing to calm down.

I know this may sound silly but you might want to watch the show "the Nanny" and get some tips. Her approach is very effective.

Answer 4

I don't know who came up with time outs for 2 year olds, but i personally think that person was out of their mind. At this age, the child is trying to figure out how to express his emotions and he only knows how to do it physically. You have to remain firm and in control at all times. If he sees you fly off the handle he will get more confused. If you are truly angry and need a minute to center yourself, put him in his crib. The worst he can do is cry. If you don't have a crib, use a playpen or another place that he cannot get around and hurt himself while you take a few minutes to breathe deeply and decide how to deal with the situation. You have to tell him these things are not allowed, no hitting, kicking, biting, or scratching. That's the main rule in my house, otherwise known as keep your body to yourself (for the older ones). A stern tone will usually startle a child out of the inappropriate behaviour. A screaming fit is best ignored, even in public, embarrassing as it may be. Once he sees he gets no reaction he will look for another method of getting what he wants. I wouldn't worry about the head banging, it's normal. My boys all did it around that same age. Once they realized they were hurting themselves and I didn't care (or so it seemed) they stopped. It killed me to ignore it, but once I did, it stopped after about a week or so. As far as the physical things he's doing to you, you have to nip that in the bud, timeouts are not going to work. I always start with the stern tone, which usually works to halt the behaviour for the moment and then ask him what he wants. Usually by this time they have some system of letting you know what they want. Repeat this every time they repeat the behaviour - let him know it's not ok then ask what he wants and attend the need. Eventually he will just ask. My one son was a biter and would not stop no matter what I tried. One day he bit me so hard and I was so frustrated and upset, I just bit him back. It wasn't hard and there was no mark, but he never bit me again. That has never worked for hitting, I have actually found the opposite with hitting, the more you hit him, the more he will hit you. Like if you spank him he will think hitting is ok and he will do it. I do occasionally spank, but only in a life or death situation like when my oldest was 2 and ran in the road in front of two cars. He couldn't sit comfortably for 2 days, but he never went in the road again. With hitting you have to adopt the stern face and tone and tell him no, he should understand it by now if he's not saying it to you constantly. Also you will want to talk to him. When you see the fit coming, before he loses control to the fit say something like I know you're mad you can't __(whatever it is)__ but that's the way it is, and walk away. Sometimes this will halt the fit right there. Give him as many choices as you can, even if there really is no choice (like "you can pick up your toys, or you can go to bed. Which is it?") The rest of the time, it's your way. "I'm sorry you don't like it honey, but I love you. Now take that fit to your bedroom because I don't like it, I won't watch it and that's the way it is." Whatever you do, the main thing is consistancy. He's not going to turn into an angel child in ten minutes because you've found the formula. Persistance and understanding is what will help you. Stick to your guns. Remember the man in your life - he's probably stubborn and you have to stick to your guns to get what you want. The child will be the same way. He will test you forever. You may think "Yeah, I finally got him to stop hitting!" Then you take him to the park and he smacks you right in front of all the other mothers, then runs around the park smacking everyone in sight. The moral of the story, you're never done. But you're a caring mom and in the end he'll love you for it. Good Luck and let me know how it goes. At the least I always listen.

Answer 5

I have two kids who are 12 and 13.I wont ever forget all these phases they go through.Biting,it sounds horrible,but bite the little bugger back! not sore,but just enough to give him a shock to his system.that soon stops that nonsense.they dont like it back.Time out is excellent.not on the couch.I used to sit mine at the bottom of the stairs or in a corner.always use the term WHEN and THEN.for instance when you calm down then we will do some colouring in.when you are quiet then we will go to the park.dont say oh you are so naughty today.that is the worst thing to be negative.praise praise praise all good behaviour.even the most trivial things.encourage good behaviour with positive responses.if you keep praising it does work.

Answer 6

All toddlers have temper tantrums, it's their way of finding out how far they can push you before you give into them. Time out is a good idea, although i did find it difficult to intoduce in the beginning. Can you take the focus off his tantrum.? Start doing something else, pretend not to notice, carry on with what you were doing and when he sees that he is not getting a response from you the tantrum may disappear. Try to keep calm. (not always easy).
Good luck.

Answer 7

I used to babysit a kid who would throw off all of his clothes, scream, kick, and throw things, getting himself so worked up that the whole mess would literally end with a mess, when he puked all over his mother's living room. I learned that for him, it was best to let him go about with his fit, because the more I tried to intervene, the worse it got. Once he had calmed down, we could talk. I would just get his baby sister out of the way, and he would move himself to a 'safe spot,' usually his mom's bed.

Answer 8

wow I don't envy you! Thankfully my girl is five now so thats all past us!
I found that bending down to a childs height helps as well as speaking in a quiet voice. My daughter used to stop screaming her little head off at me because she couldnt hear what I was saying! I also found that at times if I ignored her behaviour she would stop. Taking them from the situation is a help too (if he is screaming over a toy, take him to another room where he cant see the toy.)
At this age, I think its important for them to learn the way you want them to behave so once he calms down, talk to him about how un-necessary it was & ask him if he hurt his voice or his hand or head (when he was banging doors/walls or hitting you) then remind him that it wouldnt have happened if he wasnt being silly.
I found also that if i told my girl how it made me feel when she was acting up, she started to tone it down & eventually stopped because kids just want to please their parents & if they learn straight away that that particular behaviour upsets you, they will be less inclined to play up.
Its a demanding job but you just have to remember that it will pass.
Is he getting to much sugar in his diet perhaps? Sugar can have a strong effect on some children & because of this, they are unable to learn at a young age what are acceptable behaviours so it can end up being misdiagnosed as ADD or ADHD when in reality, its just a bad reaction to sugar.
Persistance is the only key.
Best of luck to you :o)

Answer 9

first- do not allow him to hit you in any way, even if it means staying out of his way. realize that he is overwhelmed and frustrated and does not have the coping skills to control himself- that would be your job. do not try to talk him out of the tantrum- once it starts, its too late. putting him on the couch becomes a power struggle- you say he stays, he gets up. instead put him in a safe room. his bedroom perhaps? you may even have to remove anything he can hurt himself with. when the tantrum starts, pick him up, tell him he will be in his room until he stops screaming, then close the door. DO NOT LEAVE THAT DOOR!!!! it is your job to be sure he is safe. do not talk to him thru the door. after 5 minutes open the door, remind him he can come out when calm, and close the door. i have raised 8 children and this method has worked for me- and it usually only takes a couple of tries. good luck!!!

Answer 10

The reason his tantrum gets worse when he's in time out is because he thinks that the first level of intensity was not effective. The time out will work if you can isolate him for it and ignore his elevated level of behavior. Hang in there, and know that if you don't nip this behavior now, it'll only get worse. You're on the right track! And? He's worth every bit of misery you go through to get him over this. God Bless.