my son died he was my joy any answers on how to get by?

Question

my son died from cancer he was 24 big and strong and cut down way to early having a hard time ajusting.

Answer 1

My mother died to cancer a couple years back and it was very hard, well still is i guess but the best way to get by is to realize he would want you to move on with your life and not be sad for him, for he is in gods hands now.

Answer 2

Well just keep in mind that we're all going to die oneday. So it's just a matter of time till you get together again :)

From a different view, if you think you're religeous enough and have a good relation with God, you shouldn't torture yourself grieving so much as you should think of your son as God's property and if he decided to take him back then be sure it's for a reason that only him would know and it's defenitely a good one.

What's torturing you the most is the thought that your son died young and he missed out a lot, but isn't life so short anyway? what is another 40 or 50 years compared to life after death?? Be sure that your son will be compensated for what he had to go through in this life so it's not a bad thing after all :)

I'd rather have a better after life than this life simply because afterlife is for eternity.

courage...and may God be with you.

Answer 3

You have my deepest sympathy. When a child dies before a parent, it seems as though the world were not turning in the right direction, this does not seem to be the natural order of things. The grief can be overwhelming, crushing. At times it seems as though you can hardly even breathe.

These feelings are normal. At times you will feel angry, with doctors, with God, with nature, with yourself, with your spouse, with everything in general. Other times you will just feel the profound depression and hopelessness. You will "bargain" and wonder if.....if only the doctors had diagnosed earlier, if only we had not moved into this house, maybe there were some environmental dangers, if he had just noticed some symptoms earlier. Some days, you just feel drained, I called those my "zombie" days, where you feel like you can hardly get out of bed to eat or go to the bathroom. Those feelings are also normal.

This is a good time in your life to seek counselling. And seeking counselling does NOT mean that you have a mental illness. Modern society has ridded many of us of the support systems that used to be in place in smaller societal groups. The "counselling" may be in the form of support groups that have people who have undergone similar experiences, who may be a little further along in the grief process and can make suggestions of what worked for them. And, expect some hugging, even if you are not a touchy person, open yourself to that possiblity, it helps more than you can imagine.

Above all, be kind and gentle to yourself, allow yourself the grief and to know that you are normal.

Just because your son did not live to old age does not mean that his time on this earth was not meaningful or important. He probably touched more lives than you will ever know, and his interaction with people, even outside his family may have, and probably did alter people's lives for the better. As long as anyone remembers him, or what he did, he is not "gone".

This type of grief will be very strong in you for at least a year; nearing the end of the near you may notice that you will have some good days and some bad days, but two years from now, the good will surpass the bad, and one day you will realize that you can look people in the eye. The change is gradual, but it is inevitable that you will get better.

You will be in my thoughts.

Answer 4

I have cancer and I really do not know how long I have on this earth. I am not scared of death as I have had a fair share of encounters with it during my various surgeries - in fact I was declared dead during one such surgery. The only thing I pray for is that my wife is able to take it well and my sons will grow up to do really well in life.

Everyone comes into this life to go and destiny chose your son. One can never find reasons as to why it happens. Hurt and adjustment is never easy as you have nutured him for so long but I can vouch he is in a much better world then one can ever imagine. I am sure you would rather see him happy, painless and free rather then being unhappy, going through intensive cancer pains and a life that is going to add to his miseries.

I am sorry if I have seemed a bit blunt - but these are the facts. I have ( though I know its not going to be easy ) that noone should shed a tear when I am gone and just keep my alive by thinking of all the good times we have had rather then those I have suffered.

Answer 5

Loss of a loved one is always one of the hardest thing to deal with in life, especially for a child to precede a parent. I emphatize with you as all of us would have felt that sense of loss and longing that is pervasive and cannot be shaken off in these situations. One cannot fully feel the loss than the one who's suffering it and all words of consolation cannot assuage the pain. It's not gonna be easy and it might feel like going down to the depths of hell sometimes, but then again, it is in the human condition to get over a loss and overcome it...with time and effort to move on. There are no hard and fast rules, no easy way out of it, but to surrender to the darkness that this loss brings about and then dig deep into your reserve of strength to get you out of this pit. God will see you through if you believe in Him, and there is a saying that goes, He will not give you anything that you cannot bear. I am sure family and friends are likewise there to help you get through this difficult period in your life.

There is a good book I've read by Thomas Moore, Dark Nights of the Soul, where he discusses that loss, pain, confusion and other disturbing feelings should not beconsidered as devils to be exorcised but as angelic opportunities for deepening and altering the self. The idea is not that suffering per se is good for the soul but to regard such visitations merely as sufferings is to miss their point and meaning. I am not sure if this would help, but any explanation why we have to go through tribulations might shed light to what you are going through right now.

Answer 6

No words can help much.
It never entered my mind that I would outlive a child. My son died in a horrible accident, 21. Long ago now.

You will always carry him on your left shoulder, close to your heart.
His mother died 3 years later. With all her heart problems, I'll always believe that she died of a broken heart. I mean broken into pieces. I don't post the rest of the story publically.
God Bless.

Answer 7

So sorry.....Its hard to deal with the loss of a loved one.. I always try to remember they are in gods hands now no more pain or suffering just pure rejoicing .. and Keep the happy moment the two of you spent together and even the silly time you many have had a bad disagreement.. It very much OK to cry and release your feeling.... Turn to God for strength to get thru...

Answer 8

Hi, I lost my daughter to Leukemia 4 years ago.. She was 10 years old. It is so hard ..I miss her every day. I think the biggest thing is to keep pictures around, remember the happy times and keep the memory alive for you and the famimly...talk about him...and there is a group called compassionate friends..they have chapters all over the world..they are for people who have lost a loved one to cancer. Oh...and dont let people tell you that you need to get over it and move on...I dont think I will ever get over losing my Rachel...but i do have to go on...for myself and my family..I just live every day to the fullest...like Rachel did...and yes I still cry...If you ever need a friend who understands you can email me or instant message [e-mail]. My prayers and hugs are with you, Kelly

Answer 9

Maybe take up something he would have enjoyed doing a course or dance class alternatively donate some time to a cancer cause it will take your mind of it and be fulfilling.

Good luck it will take time, the first year is the hardest.

Answer 10

My heart goes out to you and your family in this hard time of your life. It is so difficult to loose any loved one especially a child. But always remember the good times, the times that made you smile, for this is what he would want. He will always be with you and watching over you. He knows you are grieving for him. Don't look at it as good-bye but more as see you soon, for he will be waiting for you when it is your time to reunite once again.