i'm about to lose my mind. my kid just about burned our house down today. he lit a piece of trash on fire in the garage. then took it outside and put it out. that could've been reaaaally bad.
the day started with a lie, and has continued onward.
and then, i get to deal with his mom. who is supposed to take him every tuesday through thursday. last week she dropped him off on wednesday; right in the middle of a quiet, romantic and much-needed date.
so this week she can't take him tomorrow because it's the 4th, and she has a job going all day. and she can't have him because she'll be in a shop. well guess what!! a couple weeks ago i had jasper with me for NINE hours at the freaking wedding chapel, because no one else could watch him.
not a big deal about the 4th--except that we had dinner plans. that i scheduled, not knowing she wasn't taking him.
what do i do!??????????
2006-07-03 11:03:51 · 23 answers · asked by gertieok 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
hang on--no, i didn't help create him. i'm the pseudo-step-mom.
2006-07-03 11:46:27 · update #1
supplies for fire: we just moved the last load of stuff from one house to another (yes, another possible reason for the chaos). the fire-making things were in a box in the garage. no matter where it was--he would find it.
2006-07-03 11:52:46 · update #2
HEY GUYS--GUESS WHAT!! we discovered that one of his insulins expired about a week ago. he's type 1 diabetic, too. today he's back on fresh insulin, and MUCH happier and consequently, more obedient.
2006-07-04 12:11:12 · update #3
no, lying is not a symptom of diabetes; but it is a sign of a rollercoaster ride of blood sugar levels. unexplainable behavior is usually a sign of hyper or hypoglycemia, or a drastic switch from one to the other. and perhaps "pyromaniac" was too drastic of a term. this was a one time event. and now with his normal insulin, we're out of the unexplainable, and can focus on issues like: inconsistency between homes, consistency within our home, positive discussion about the upcoming school year, his mom, etc. etc. i do love him very much. i used yahoo answers to vent frustration that i didn't want to vent at him. it's not his fault his mom is a flake or that he has diabetes or that he feels insecure right now. i'm doing everything i can (even seeking advice here!) to create a more positive environment for him to live in. :)
2006-07-05 19:26:05 · update #4
You sound concerned about him and since he is a part of your life, at this point, I hope you make him feel Loved. Alot of bad behaviour disappears when people feel loved and secure.
Also keeping track of his health issues are important.
Please try to be patient. As you give out the love, you will receive it back, from him or his dad, or both!
2006-07-05 22:26:40 · answer #1 · answered by Icedcoffeelover 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I don't know what to tell you about his mother dropping him off unexpectedly, but... if he is being shuffled between two households like this (neither one of which seems to particularly want him around) and he is now starting fires, the little guy probably has a lot on his mind. Playing with fire is very dangerous, and if you think your little boy might do it again, you should probably consider a psych hospital. Many admit children as young as 4, and you can place him there for maybe a week so he can chill out and get some heavy duty help... and after that, regular counseling, and maybe a mentor or "big brother" who can take him out and give him some positive experiences and be a role model for him.
On the other hand, if you think it was a one-time thing, a serious lecture and loooooong grounding may be enough for him.
Good luck...
2006-07-03 16:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by angelsister23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so this kid is young and he is dealing with a fractured family--Tuesday through Thursday is Mom, the rest of the time is Dad, except holidays and special occasions...and you expect this little kid to feel ok about all this and...not angry? Can you imagine packing up your things and living like a transient your entire childhood? Didn't you want to be in your room with your mom and dad and your favorite things and your friends and your school every day? Does anyone care about this kid and what he needs?
Have you considered he's angry and depressed? And this can get worse and you will have a big angry, unruly bad kid on your hands?
Where is this kid's parents? Has everyone abandoned this little boy? NO WONDER HE'S ANGRY, LYING AND STARTING FIRES)
Where does this boy fit into all his parents important plans? He's obviously at least ninth or tenth on the list...how about making him NUMBER ONE in your life. He needs his Dad and Mom and everyone in his life is just being selfish pigs about caring about their lives and not this child's life.
The fire starting and other things are symptoms of deep anger. You all are heading for big trouble.
2006-07-03 15:17:56 · answer #3 · answered by dr_dr_evil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does he have the ability to make a fire? Is he bringing the materials with him? Do you smoke? Are you using matches instead of a spark lighter for a gas cooktop? I have never run into this problem because I made sure my kids never had access to anything that would create a fire. Find what he is using and remove it.
As to his social adjustment I am profoundly sorry for you. As a little kid my dad died and my mother started drinking, hard. She took to liking 'hard' men. She married an ex-con who used to beat her down for fun who took some time off from it to try and drown me. Then things got worse after he burned our house down. What can I say... if the kid is sailing troubled waters, and it sounds like he is, he will sail his own course and resist attempts either good or bad to move him from the path he has inately chosen to navigate for self survival.
2006-07-03 11:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by John M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your step-son needs to see a psychiatrist like yesterday. This is a very serious problem. I just read a magazine article written by a woman who's sons started a fire when they were 8 & 10. They are now grown men but they're lives have been tragic because they are badly disfigured. This is a very trouble child and he's crying out for help.
2006-07-03 14:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no age here, and no mention of the dad. The dad is the one you should be talking to. Not us.
Divorce really destroys kids (or has that potential). It screws them up. He really should be seeing a counselor. When you married, you married the guy and the kid, so now you are stuck with the problems. It sounds like the dad and the mom are going to need to sit down and make better arrangements, always keeping the needs of the kid first, because that is what this is about.
2006-07-03 15:05:19 · answer #6 · answered by powhound 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son or nephew, or stepson, grandson, is showing warning signs. Living in a broken home where he travels from place to place family to family is damaging. Fire, lies, and bedweting are the three early warning signs. It is possible he has been traumatised and you need to act now to make sure that these are just kid behaviors. He should see a psyciatrist or councelor and you should talk to him about why he lit the fire. If it turns out to be curiosity then you are no worse off having had him checked out. You can have his doctor recomed someone. Good luck.
2006-07-03 11:12:26 · answer #7 · answered by me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell his mother about the fire. If this is the first time, it may not be as serious as you think. If it's not, the boy needs counseling.( I work with kids that have emotional problems and this type of problem is often linked to abuse.)
I wouldn't let your ex use you like that. If you are busy that day, tell her you're busy too, or you find a reliable sitter.
2006-07-03 11:13:45 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, this kid is dealing with feeling like he is unwanted and in the way of both you and his mother and showing some dramatic need for attention. Make him feel wanted and appreciated. Be surprised and delighted when he drops in on Wednesday. Talk to mom privately later about hiring a babysitter/grandparent during her days. If things don't change rapidly, you may find it cheaper and easier to deal with these issues with a counsellor now than waiting for him to get worse.
2006-07-03 15:50:00 · answer #9 · answered by lvr999 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should plan more dates as threesomes. A good woman won't mind. All I can say about the rest is my son was a pyromaniac, liar and all around troublemaker. I did all I could and encouraged him at the things he enjoyed and didn't give up hope. He's now 20, and a very respected Marine.
2006-07-03 11:20:51 · answer #10 · answered by Laura B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about the diabetes ! But glad you're satisfied...
(if you hadn't added that info, I'd be totally clueless)
I don't see the real connection...one of my boys was 'pyro'
and not diabetic...Still likes to burn trash, do bonfires at 44 !
Lying is a smyptom of emotional issues, not diabetes.
Poor Jasper...needs consistancy in his life, to feel important to
both of you !
Empathy ... Hugs to Jasper from Mawmaw
2006-07-05 07:20:45 · answer #11 · answered by Merry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋