My 5 (almost 6) yr old son is a lovely boy. He is helpful and kind but he behaves like a hall monitor and is very controlled regarding other children's behaviour, and with his own feelings. He wants to be such a 'good boy'. However, when he does do something naughty and he is caught out, he clenches his fists and gets all rigid and starts to cry, almost as if he can't believe he would be capable of naughty behaviour. Has anyone found a good way to get a child like this to lighten up?
2006-07-01 21:24:09 · 8 answers · asked by anything_my_child 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Thank you so much for your input. I read the answers and had a real epiphany. I think it is because he is so introverted and shy by nature but his 4yr old sister is so loud and gregarious and wild by nature. I think he is trying to keep up with her because he thinks she is better at everything than him. He is a bit like Knitmom's neighbour at times but I think it is from feeling inferior. I will work on that with him.
2006-07-01 22:25:03 · update #1
There is a book out there called "How to raise a boy" - it's a must read for anyone raising a son. It deals with issues just as these. Don't worry - the book will have great advice for you! The other thing is to talk to your pediatrician and ask for a referral to a family counselor who can teach YOU proper parenting methods on how to encourage the good behavior and work on eliminating the inappropriate behavior. At your son's age, children are learning to express themselves, so they can often get frustrated when they don't have the words they need to articulate how they feel.
2006-07-01 21:29:19 · answer #1 · answered by tieia 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone that thinks he's possibly got OCD. I've got OCD and my entire life finally makes sense. I was SO intent on being good that I'd get super depressed if I even got scolded. At the age of 7, I actually had a teacher corner me and yell at me when I forgot my homework and went back up to the school not 15 minutes after school was out to retrieve it. It devastated me. It actually sent me into a horrible depression that took over my life for the rest of the semester, even though as a result, I transferred schools not a week after the incident. Even now, I feel a horrible pang when I get reprimanded for something. My parents were the only people who could scold me without me feeling incredibly shameful.
Maybe you should consider visiting a child psychologist. I really wish I had someone explain to me that it was okay to get in trouble every now and then and it was just a way of learning when I was his age, it definitely might have helped my self-esteem issues I have today.
2006-07-03 01:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by Manders 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried telling him that everyone makes mistakes?
I found a way to lighten up my 6 yr old and I came up with this-and it works:
When he does something naughty, let him know that everyone makes mistakes, even good boys. Tell him that the choices he makes may not always be good choices, but let him know that you support and love him even though he is naughty sometimes. I tell him that all the kids need to be good. I don't ever let him know that it is ok to act like a bad boy once in a while because you could spark a trend with him that can't be reversed and -lets not go there.... Yeah so try that and let me know if it works!
2006-07-02 04:35:05 · answer #3 · answered by goldylocks11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this so describes my neighbor's kid. He's my son's best friend, and he's really highly competitive as well. He is always keeping score at games and then shouting the score at the top of his lungs, which makes my son feel a bit down, because he is not aggressive or competitive in the least.
It made me realize how I really downplay competition in my parenting--when we play a game, we always play for who can win first and second, not who wins and loses, and I don't think we ever keep score. We rarely even have rules, I think. And whenever my kids do get into a "I win, you lose" thing, I put a stop to it because all I see are hurt feelings. Obviously not so with my neighbors, who are lovely people, but seem to find a value in winning and losing that I just don't.
2006-07-02 04:35:31 · answer #4 · answered by smurfette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think ur child wud be a sort of "Social Hermit". He wont be that much friendly with his peers... so try to build his confidence, so that he can deal well... I have also been in this situation once at my school level when I lost many of my great friends...
God forbid ur child suffer the same...
2006-07-02 04:31:04 · answer #5 · answered by Ω Nookey™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's either a phase or you've got a real problem on your hands. I'm no expert, but I'd consider consulting one. I've seen kids with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and this is starting to seem a little bit familiar.
2006-07-02 04:30:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like he has obsessive-compulsive disorder. I would look into treatment, but try to ovoid medication as a treatment if possible they were not really invented for children. There are programs that work with behavior modification treatment. Look for one in your area.
2006-07-02 04:35:25 · answer #7 · answered by Artistic Prof. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to him once he's been scolded.
Sit him down and cradle him. Ask him why he did what he did, and talk to him gently, petting his face, wiping his tears, petting his hair, and rocking him.
Ask him how he feels about it, and why he's so upset about it? Explain why what he did was wrong, and why he felt it was necessary to do it.
Poor little guy. I hope he lightens up and understands, soon.
2006-07-02 04:29:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋