My Mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, has all of my life. It's not something I can explain very well, but the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is about dealing with a parent like that. All of my life my Mother was putting me down and telling me how bad I was. She would ignore me for hours and then come downstairs and drag me around by my hair or scream at me for no reason. I was suicidal at 5, and have been diagnosed twice with Major Depressive Disorder. I function pretty fine and am good at putting on a facade, but the way she is has effected me a lot. There have been many minor incidents where she hit me or screamed at me, and she's never thought I was good enough. There were two events worse than the rest. Both of them I ended up being taken away from her by children protective services. The first time she just kind of spazzed out and acted like a possessed person, she scared me half to death but didn't do any real physical damage, she just threatened to kill me and all...
2006-07-01 19:22:33 · 12 answers · asked by Skitz628 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The second time she dragged me into her room and said that I couldn't come out until my father talked to her. She then proceeded to beat me with anything in site, the phone, a spray bottle, and her fist. I had some definite marks from that one and thought I was done with her forever. Once again I stupidly went back and spent the remainder of my childhood there. I am now 18 and she told me to live with her so I counted on that, and then she changed her mind during a visit with my Father. Now I have no home with her and I think this is the perfect opportunity to cut someone who only hurts me and ruins my life out of it. I just wonder if that is an okay thing to do. I still love her a lot, which I hate that I do, but I am sick of her hurting me like she has. I have so many medical problems due to the stress she has caused in my life and I think that maybe if she wasn't a part of it I'd be better off. Your thoughts?
2006-07-01 19:25:13 · update #1
I cut my mother out of my life when I was 17, I am 23 now. She was alcoholic/drug addict/bipolar/anxiety disorder. It personally helped me a lot, but I still have feelings of guilt. I was pretty much her mother than she was mine. You have to remember though, just dropping her from your life is not going to solve all the issues she has created with you. For me though, it helped me get a grip on reality instead of constantly being caught up in the twisted world she created around her. The clarity that sets in for a while was amazing to me, since I never experienced anything like that before. However it is very difficult when you have a psycho for a mom to get it across to her you never want to talk to her again. I had to move a few times, because my mother would keep finding me and calling me a million times and following me to work screaming at me.
In your heart of heart though, if you feel like you abosolutely need to cut the cord for you to have any chance at a normal life, I would suggest to do it. She may of gave birth to you, but if she can't even take care of herself, and all she does is bring pain to your life, it may be for the best.
2006-07-01 19:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by andrea j 1 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't cut her out forever but you might need to take some time away from her but be open to a while down the road to reopen lines of communication but if she doesn't anything to hurt you again back off again. Don't ever go back to live with her. You do not deserve abuse and consider counseling for yourself just to get over some of this. Also consider that if you're going to cut her off to maybe find an older woman who you can adopt as a mother who will treat you well and teach you what a good mother is like. You can sometimes find women like these at Christ-like churches or from friends. My best friend's mom started treating her awful, never hurting but saying awful things so she cut herself off for a while and has adopted my mom as her substitute mother. I don't mind at all. Remember though that even with mental diseases people can still change and you might yet have another opportunity with your mother but right now do not let yourself continue to be hurt by her. I don't know you but I know you don't deserve it, no one does.
2006-07-02 02:33:21 · answer #2 · answered by Prism 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is okay to cut her out. You should concentrate on getting your own self better. Once you do that, then you can decide if you want any contact with her. The hardest part will be if you allow yourself to feel guilty about it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You cannot change your mother or the past but you can control your own life and your future. Accept as best you can what has happened to this point, using it as a guide to what direction you will go from here. Reach out and get help from crisis centers or anywhere you can find it. You deserve and have a right to a happy and productive life. Remember that.
2006-07-02 02:39:06 · answer #3 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its all totally upto you. Coz if you will depend upon other peopl's thoughts , you will only break your heart more. In a situation like yours its better for you to spend some time away from your mom. You live your own life away from your mom and go visit her only rarely, on some special occasion, may be that way she will get to know your importance in life. Sorry to read about your life story.
2006-07-02 02:38:56 · answer #4 · answered by QUEEN OF QAAF 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go away from her, and live your own life for awhile, and maybe meet a mate for yourself. You are 18 now, I think you said, so it's time for you to grow up, and let your mom find someone else to hurt. She obviously needs help, but also obviously won't accept any. That's no longer your problem. My heart is with you, be strong. Ron
2006-07-02 02:31:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perfectly 'okay' to cut your Mother out or your life like that. Get out, get yourself straightened out. Of course you love her, she IS your mother and you have some good memories of her (I hope). But it's not safe or healthy for you to be around her. You could maybe call or email, but ask a psychologist about that. My mother isn't as bad as yours, but I'm still cutting her out. We only talk by email, and I don't email her until she answers me. You have much more reason to cut than I do.
2006-07-02 02:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is okay to cut her out of your life. move away from home, get your own life. if you stick around her, you will be down on yourself, thinking you can't do nothing in your life. Move away start a new life, visit her on special occasions. But do not forget thwe good things she did in your life.
2006-07-02 06:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by Giggles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey i think you should sit down and talk to her or get counseling
from a proffesional and if she still does the same cut her out of your
life
2006-07-02 02:42:09 · answer #8 · answered by Dr Luv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl i havnt spooken to any of my family in years and it doesn't really bother me at all and I am doing okay with out them. u got to do what's best for u. Thats all i can say
2006-07-02 02:32:42 · answer #9 · answered by SEXXYDARKCHOCO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move out ,and stay out ,but dont stay away ,visit at least once a week.but start to build a life of your own.Good Luck
2006-07-02 02:35:52 · answer #10 · answered by dumplingmuffin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋