Do you think my mom did the right thing? Read below?

Question

My mother was invited to her Sister's son's wedding.My mom had to respond back June 18.The Wedding is July 8.She responded June 29 & told her sister that me & my mom & my dad were going.My mom's sister said "its too late your off the guest list & their isnt any room left & they all ready ordered the food."My mom's sister gave me a check for $50 for my graduation & now my mom wants to send the check back & write to her "I dont need your charity." My mom called nine days early & we're family so it shouldn't matter that we called a little late or not you can't say no to a family member.

Answer 1

ok when it come to family it is hard in these situations. people need to realize that stuff happens ,and if the sister realy cared about the fact that your mom had not called yet she would have called her and made sure if she was going or not, evedently your moms sister was looking for a reason to take her off the list. when the wedding happens and everyone asks where you guys are she will have to tell them that you called late so she took you off the list. and other family will look at her like , what is her problem, cause family does not do that to eachother. and even if she does not tell everyone the truth you guys can and then they will know it was not your fault, i bet you are not the only one that called in late, she just has issues, i would not worry about it at all realy, i mean it is thier loss that you guys werent there not yours.

Answer 2

The thing with responding on time to a planned event is that people such as caterers need to be notified in advance how many plates they are going to need to prepare. Also, sometimes the venue will require a head count in advance, so they know how many to expect so as to put out the appropriate number of seats and whatnot. Also, place cards need to get made, and seating charts get done up beforehand. If someone gives a date that you need to respond by, and you let it pass, then it's tough sh*t for you. It doesn't make a difference to the caterer and other people whether you're family or not. Moreover, as family, you should probably be respectful of each other's requests. It would have been easy enough for your mom to respond by the date requested. I think in this case your mom is in the wrong. As far as her telling you to send the check back, I wouldn't do it. It's your check, not your mom's. It was a gift, and sending a gift back is rude. Also, it sounds like your mom just wants to have a fight with her sister if she's asking you to get involved and stoke the fire. If I were you, I wouldn't get involved in that B.S.

Answer 3

Honestly I think your mom is being petty (about your graduation present) and irresponsible about her nephew's wedding plans.

Weddings are big deals and often have a limited numbers. I know my own wedding was limited to 80 people (including the wedding party!). But then we had it on a boat and there was definitely a space issue. However if someone (like your mom) had RSVP-ed late then they would have been told "sorry, no more room". And considering those meals can cost anywhere between $20 and $100 a person... and often the bride's parents paying for it... I'm siding with your aunt!!

Your mom knew the deadline. She should have at least called then or before that to RSVP.

my advice to you though... stay out of it. Its their fight. No need to ruin your own relationship with your aunt just because your mom acts that badly.

Answer 4

There are dead lines for reason, reception hall, seatings, ordering amounts of food etc. Your mother had plenty of time to respond, being 9 days late was really quite rude and inconsiderate of her....

This has nothing to do with your mothers sister, it has to do with the son... No your Mom should NOT give the check back, what does she want to do? start a family fight?

what your mom should do, is send a nice gift, a thank you note, and apologize to everyone.!!!

hope all works out well

Answer 5

At my wedding, we had to give a count a good week before the wedding AND pay for each and every one of those meals.
Your Aunt is insulted that her own sister did not respond right away-- and now your mom is insulted by her sister's reaction.
Bottom line, I think your mom was wrong to wait so long to respond, I don't think you should have to return your check as you had nothing to do with this and I think your Aunt could have acted more civilly because now it looks like a long term family fight...

Answer 6

That's precisely why families have problems. Because we treat strangers better than family. As you state, you mom responded 11 DAYS late. That is not right. Imagine if others did that. One must understand how difficult it is to plan for an event. Family or not, if one cant be considerate enough to respond on time, then they must accept the outcome. Oh Yessiree, one can say no to anyone, family included!
Actually if your mom wants, she can return the check in a wedding gift card. That would reeeeeeely be mean.

Answer 7

I think since it was your Mom's nephew's wedding, she should have been more aware of the RSVP date, after all it's not the wedding of the girl down the street it's family and she should have been more timely. Since that is not part of the scenario, your Aunt should have said, OK sis, I will accept your RSVP. But, since she didn't you're faced with the current dilemma.
First of all, who graduated ? You or your Mom? As far as the $50 gift, that is yours and not your mother's. That money was a gift for you and you should decide whether to send it back or not, it is not your mother's decision.
Additionally, your mother and sister really need to get together and work out the animosity between them. Perhaps your Aunt is stressed with wedding plans and your Mom's late RSVP was just one more hurdle and she had had enough. They really need to swallow their pride and communicate with each other to hopefully get their issues resolved. Good luck!

Answer 8

Actually, family or not, your mom was asked to R.S.V.P, by a certain date and she did not reply in time. When you are planning a wedding, you have to know how many to plan for, and if you do not get an R.S.V.P from the people that are going to come you can not plan for them. Wedding halls, reception areas, and chuches are only so large and you can only put so many people in them.Your Aunt is RIGHT, and your mom is wrong. Also, Keep the graduation check, that is a totaly different subject.

Answer 9

No. She should keep the check as she didn't see anything wrong with keeping it before this incident.

It sounds as if your mom's sister just wanted to keep you guys away from the wedding! Why wouldn't she just call and ask why you guys hadn't responded yet if she wanted you guys to be there?

In this case it's best to stay away then. Weddings are the main place for family bust-ups to happen!

Answer 10

Has there been unresolved issues from their past? I know that isn't something I would do to one of my sisters....so there must be more to this. I don't believe your Mom asking you to send the check back is right though.....this shouldn't involve you. You graduated and most family members always give something to the graduate.
Is your Mom late on alot of things or in the past with her sister? If so, this probably looks to her sister like it wasn't important enough to get back with her. How often do they talk....I would automatically assume that my sister would be coming with her family to one of my children's weddings. There has to be more to all of this.......your Mom needs to talk with her and they should be able to resolve this. Hopefully, they both aren't terribly stubborn!