my bf of nearly 2 years and i have been really open about our families. im 15 and black- my grandmother thinks he's nice. hes the same age and white- his mom and dad adore me.
but then theres the rest of his family- the ones he doesnt want me to meet. sometimes i think he's ashamed of me/ us, and doesnt want them to know 'he's dating a black girl'. but then he says he's wo rreid about what they might say or do. i tell him not to worry about that cuz im a bigger person than that and i'll let it roll off my shoulder, but he insists that i dont join him at family gatherings.
how should i handle this?
what do you think about our situation?
has anyone gone thorought something similar?
2006-07-01 17:24:48 · 7 answers · asked by brini14@sbcglobal.net 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Speaking from his perspective (I'm in the same situation, actually... in ALABAMA!). I do understand why he wants to keep you away from them. I really don't think it has anything to do with him being ashamed of you at all. If he's anything like me, then it's because he's ashamed of his own family and their attitudes. Though you say you can handle what would be dished out to you at the family gatherings, he may not. In the end, it doesn't really matter. It should be all about you and him and what makes you two happy. His familys' opinions are worth as much as the gum off the bottom of your shoe. I say stay strong and stay together, if you two are meant to be, then it'll all work itself out anyway. GOOD LUCK!
2006-07-01 17:39:35 · answer #1 · answered by Rob 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes Hun at your age I was going thru the same thing my immediate family knew about him and liked him but aside from them the rest of the family had no idea but it wasnt out of shame it was because I knew how they thought and did not want them to act like fools around him..When I did finally come clean with my grandparents they were a little upset but they said if thats where my heart was then I should be with him....But there is so much ignorance in this world he is just trying to protect you I know its hard being cut out of that part of his life but give him a little time and explain to him how badly it hurts you and that you really wish he would be open with the other members of his family even if they dont agree it doesnt matter your love has lasted this long with out them and will continue..Good Luck and I hope everything goes ok for the 2 of you's and before anyone says love at such a young age isnt love or wont last I have asister who has been with her now fiance since they were 14 and are happy and still madly in love after 8 yrs...Good Luck again
2006-07-02 00:51:01 · answer #2 · answered by shell b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why you should expect to go with him to family functions. It's not like you're married to him. You're only fifteen and he's just your boyfriend. Now if you two were older and married then there would be a problem. As far as being an interracial couple, he'd better get use to what people might say or do. You are Black and you will always be Black; that's just something that's never going to change. If he's trying to date you on the sly because he doesn't want to deal with the conflict, then perhaps you need to find someone else.
2006-07-02 02:01:39 · answer #3 · answered by mochasister 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in this exact situation and can tell you from experience that your bf is NOT ashamed of you or your relationship. Look at it this way..... If you truly love and care about someone you won't put them in a situation for pain to be inflicted upon them regardless of their saying they can handle it because when they hurt you hurt, and that is why you try to protect them. His parents and your parents seem to be great parents because they seem to be happy that their children are happy, so forget the rest! Racism is hard enough without purposefully looking for a situation for it to occur.
2006-07-02 02:23:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I kno a couple in this same situation. I think it's cute that u and him go 2gether. I jus think that u should jus do what he wants u 2 do tho becuz even tho u can jus let it slide (gotta give u yo props 4 bein' strong) he's obviously not ready 2 take that step even if it has been 2 years. If u get married then go see them 4 sho, but in the mean time jus go by his wishes.
2006-07-02 00:32:15 · answer #5 · answered by ~*La boricua mami*~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he is protecting you. Would you really want to go and meet people who are going to be ignorant towards you? Not to mention the fact that he is prolly terribly embarassed that he has some idiots like that in his family.
2006-07-02 00:38:53 · answer #6 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
number one, you are to young to get serious with anyone, and go through this stuff already.
2006-07-02 00:30:29 · answer #7 · answered by sidekick 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋